Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Trading One Addiction for we go again

Hello.  I'm back.  I might be back more often.

My son is addicted to methadone.  Somehow, I had a feeling this would happen.  I know, I know... when my son started on this synthetic opiate, I heard all sides of this spectrum.  I heard from addicts who said that methadone is the only way they've been able to function in some sort of "normal".

I had high hopes that methadone would be a bridge to help my son from using heroin, to finding sobriety.

It didn't happen.  My son isn't using heroin. This is a good thing. But, he has to have methadone. He's been tapering down, but now he's about 2/3 down from his dose...and he's hurting.  He wakes up withdrawing.  He's losing weight again.

My son has liquid handcuffs.  Every single morning, he has to drive to the clinic for his dose. The cost is $350.00 per month. My son doesn't make enough money to afford that, so his father pays it. His dad really can't afford it. We stopped paying for it about 9 months ago.

So, my son is at the point where he realizes he wants to go back into rehab.  I need to spend some time doing research, just so I know how to support my son.

From what my son says, methadone is very dangerous to come off. In fact, I've been told it can kill you if it's not done right.  B says he's afraid, yet he wants to be off it.  I've had someone, who went through this, recommend suboxone.  We've already been through that. It didn't work for my son.

What my son really needs is at least 30-days of rehab.  He needs to immerse himself into the program.  B is finally at that point where he is saying that he wants to be truly clean.

I am feeling hopeful, because B and I are very close, now.  We have very deep talks. He doesn't withhold from me.  I've learned to listen a lot more. I try not to give him advice, unless he asks for it.  Most importantly, I'm trying to understand the addict's point of view.  Wow, is that ever complicated!

I feel very thankful that, at my job, I have met a few young adults who have walked in my son's moccasins.  Right now, I'm talking to a mature male who has been through a lot worse than my son-- and he's going to meet with B to explain what's ahead. This person has come off methadone, and he's told me it's really, really hard to do.   I feel that he's a God Send, and may be able to mentor my son.

I wish I could write more-- like the things I've learned about living with an addict. But, I'm on a short break, at work.  I'll write more, later. I've also begun to better understand their behavior, their manipulations.  I'm not expert, by any stretch.

I just feel as though I'd like to be a part of a support group for drug addiction. In particular, I'd like to be someone that a parent can talk to.  I know the pain.  I know the fear.  I also know that, at any time, my son could potentially go right back to that dark place he was once in.

For now, B continues to love his job (though he doesn't make a lot of money).  He is liked at his job, and he always shows up on time. He pays us rent. He's respectful to me, and his step dad.  He's using medical marijuana.  I'm not crazy about it, but at this point I'd rather he's doing that than buying heroin on the street.

If anyone wishes to share their opinion, or even suggestions, about methadone-- please do.

So, I continue to pray for my son.  What B needs to find out is if his insurance will cover the rehab.  This place is EXCELLENT, and he wants to go back there.  B also needs to find out if they rehab center will waive the deductible. My son barely makes enough money to pay rent (and believe me, we charge him a bargain price), his gas money, and car insurance.  He's always broke.

Bottom line-- I am disappointed that the methadone didn't help my son find sobriety.  The clinic said 3-6 months... well over a year later, they keeping increasing and decreasing his doses.   It's a money maker.

'Nuff said.  For now.