Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Every day I pray with thanks that my son is doing so well. His life is "steady". He still has the same job (two years), and really likes it. He has entirely new friends. B keeps things really simple. He sleeps in, plays his X-Box online, gets ready for work right as I'm headed home from work. He comes home, repeats cycle.
B is no trouble at all. He pretty much lives in his room, with the big Plasma TV that he saved his money to buy. He's respectful and I believe he's not using. #1 Sign - he has money. All the time. He doesn't ask me, or his father, for a penny. He pays the rent on time, and never complains. His car always has gas.
I'm not bragging at all. I'm rejoicing. Sometimes, I allow myself to go back in time-- as little as six months ago. B was always broke. I try not to do this, very often, but if I really go back in time-- like five years ago-- I don't think I've ever felt so afraid of anything in my life.
These were dark times.
For anyone who is reading my blog... those of you who have emailed me... I hope that I never, EVER forget those times. I hope that my son never does.
There is hope.
Though those Dark Times, my faith grew even stronger. I learned to cry out to God, and to learn what it means to talk to God. I learned how to draw closer to Him. I learned how to really pray. I mean, get down on my knees and pray. I learned how to close my eyes and tell God how afraid I was. I learned how to trust Him.
Every so often, I get anonymous comments telling me what a fool I am to believe in Jesus/God. It doesn't offend me at all. If anything, I pray for that person.
A while back ago, I started to share my very personal past, that would lead up to my own testimony as to why I believe in a God that I cannot see. I believe in a God, whose audible voice I've never heard. I have discovered the treasures in God's Word, and yes-- I believe in all those "Fairy Tales" in the bible.
I was once an Agnostic. I once thought that God was all a hoax. I had resigned my life to be one where I would do what I want, when I want. I convinced myself that when I die, I die. End of the line.
But God had plans. I've been through a lot of personal pain and betrayal in my life. It prepared me for the day I found out that my son was addicted to drugs.
My son's addiction gave me deep roots in my faith. My son has been spared from a certain death or incarceration, and I give all the glory to God.
So, if you're an Atheist, and you want to attack my faith-- go ahead! Hit me with your best punch. It won't change who I am. I take that back...
God has changed who I was.
I pray that those of you who are feeling so afraid...so lost... who feel that there is no hope-- that you would know that I was once there.
God is my rock, my fortress, my hope.
I pray that for each of you. Every day.
I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much. I'm still here.
Hopefully, this summer break, I will have more time to write.