One Gem of a Blog Post

I wanted to update that my son tested as clean last night. The three of us cheered, in joy. FYI-- we are aware that addicts are known to keep urine stashes and to switch them. We make him test in our bathroom and check him beforehand.

As B and I hugged each other, he was trembling. "Mom, I want this (sobriety) so bad!"

As the mantra goes-- one day at a time....relapse is part of the recovery...let go, Let God, "The Three C's-- I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I cannot cure it".

Got it.
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How I wish I had found this blog much sooner! The woman is a brilliant writer. LOVE her blog!
It appears that she's not going to blog for the month of February. I'm hooked.

I had to post one of her MANY insightful blogs on being the mother of a heroin addict. It spoke "VOLUMES" to me:

From: "Broken Hearted Mom"

My son has been a heroin addict for 8 years, give or take a year. Junkys have a hard time with chronological events. I know heroin. I know rehabs, paraphernalia, police cars in the drive, relapses, lies, dope sick, proper attire for inmate visits, counselors, social workers, and endless advice from people who don't know shit about heroin. I know that if your kid is addicted to prescription opiates or crack or alcohol, you are living a life similar to mine. Don't know much about meth, except that my son did it a few times when he couldn't get his drug of choice, heroin. He said he didn't care for it. How lucky am I!

If you came here by searching heroin, because you are in that frantic early stage where you think that by educating yourself, you can fix this, I give you the top ten ways you can tell your kid might be an opiate addict.

#10 You can't find at least one item of yours that had great sentimental value and cannot be replaced.

# 9. You sleep with your car keys under your pillow, and keep your purse under the bed.

# 8. You have received at least one inappropriate and shoplifted Mother's Day gift.

# 7. He doesn't have one of the Christmas or birthday gifts you've bought him.

# 6. All of your day is spent on his overwhelming problems.

#5. Everything has to be done RIGHT NOW

# 4. Your idea of rock bottom is his idea of another day in paradise.

# 3. You've had him jailed because you wanted him to be safe.

# 2. You sometimes believe that he can overcome this with your unconditional love.

# 1. Your head knows its not your fault, but your heart is broken.

How did I get to be here?

How did I get to be here? How did my life get to this point, mom?

Those were the words spoken to me by my son, the day he was accepted into a medical clinic on April Fool's Day, 2008.

How did my son get to be at this point in his life? That's the million dollar question.

Just yesterday, I was visiting "B" on day #11 since he said "yes" to going in for his first detox. I remember thinking to myself "He's so tall!" I was looking at his hands, with his long fingers. For a moment, I was brought back to a time where he was my precious young boy-- no older than 3 years of age. He was so innocent, full of life and love for his mom. He loved to give and receive butterfly kisses. I was so filled with a hope that he would grow up to have a happy childhood. I can remember how much I wanted my son to be raised without the violence and dysfunction that I had known.

So, how did he get to be where he is today? On April Fool's Day, he was obviously sick-- his body filled with poison. His body is shaking, he feels ill and his beautiful eyes are half closed. I would not know, until the next day, just how loaded he really was. I did not find out, until yesterday, how little he remembers of his two hour drive to a place I had placed my hope in that it would get him well.

It has been eleven days, and I am filled with both hope and fear. In eleven days, I have just scratched the surface to understanding addiction. I am accepting the fact that B has a long a hard journey ahead.

I have attended 3 Al-Anon meetings, so far. It's hard for me to move past the Al-Anon books and pamphlets. Why? Because B's is not an alcoholic. That's a small mercy, but he is still an addict.

So, I have learned to become used to saying "Hi, I'm Debby...and my son is an addict".
I have accepted the fact that there is healing in acknowledging that my son is ill. He is addicted to opiates and he wants to be well.

I am feeling frustrated, fearful and very certain that addicts cannot find recovery unless they are working the program-- I absolutely believe that addicts need to be working the 12-Step program. They need to be in meetings every single day, until they have found a sponsor.

The question is-- will he do this? I know that I will do this. I will work the 12-Steps to help myself and to learn what I can and cannot do to help B. And that is why I have started this blog, TODAY. It is both painful and exhausting to try to explain what's going on. It is my hope that I can direct my friends and loved ones to read and follow along as I share details on my long and difficult journey that I did not buy a ticket to board-- a journey in wanting to support my son's fight to be clean and to stay clean from using drugs.

My son bought this ticket, the first time he was given oxycontin to take. Until two years ago, I had never even heard of this drug. It's evil. It's powerful. It is everywhere-- and it is stealing the souls of our young children.

For two years, I could not tell that my son was using drugs to the depth that he was in. Yesterday, my son confessed all-- it was a lot for me to digest. I hope that my blog will help me process what the two of us spoke about. So, now I know, that addicts will tell their loved ones exactly what they want to hear.

My heart and mind is open, now. I need to try and understand this dark world the my son has entered. I don't want to explore this darkness, but I pray that the light of Jesus will expose this miserable and evil world of drugs. I can't ignore nor deny that I need to support my son, but I might have to say "no" to him. It won't be easy, I know.

My Higher Power of the 12-Steps is the God of the Bible. My Abba Father, My Creator.

How did my son get here, Father? He could, very well, be shot in the head, badly beaten, missing, in an ICU ward or in prison. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for your mercy on him.

You have a plan for him.

In Jesus' Name,

Mom