Early warning signs & beginning tips for parents of drug addicts.

I'm going to skip back a few topics--to the beginning, where I began to discuss how I felt, when I first learned that my son was using drugs. Only this time, I'm remembering this 22 months later, from a totally different perspective. 

I've had some interesting chats with parents of students, where I work.  I'm still trying to hone down my story, in as short of a time span that I can.  My job isn't to counsel, parents, but I can't help myself!  I so wish I could share my story with them.  I can already visualize so many of you nodding your heads. Yes, you do, too.

Over a year ago, I sat with with the high school principal, who is also my boss.  I shut his door, and told him that I am the mother of a drug addict.  I wanted M to know that I had a blog, and that he had permission to refer any parent to me.  He offered me genuine sympathy (which wasn't what I was seeking). In short, M asked me a profound question-- he asked me what would I tell a parent who is in the early stages of discovery-- of the Big Evil Dark Secret.  I thought very carefully... and it's hard to pinpoint what the best starting place is.  So, I'm going to write down some key points:

Accept it.  Yes, that's it.  If your high school principal calls you, to tell you that your student was busted with drugs, don't blame the school.

Accept that no matter how seedy your kid's friend(s) are, they did not hog tie and for your kid to use drugs. YOUR kid made that choice!

Learn.  My son had all kinds of concocted stories about the drugs he was using.  I had no idea what oxycontin looked like. I had no idea what heroin looked like-- other than movies and photos of a syringe being plunged into a vein.  There are countless blogs and websites on drugs. Read!

Trust your sources - use your common sense.  Talk to people with common sense.  Believe it or not, addicts who have been clean and sober for a long period of time (years) have been more than willing to educate me.  Addicts, who are truly wanting to live a life of sobriety, want to help others from making their mistakes.  Sometimes statistics and advice can be confusing... just read my comments!


Get on the same page as your child's other parent--  this is really tough.  I know parents, who are living under the same roof-- who handle things differently.  Your drug addict child, most likely, has learned how to manipulate.  Parents need to be united.  In my case, my son's father and I are divorced and lived in separate households. This was one of the biggest obstacles.  My only advice is that YOU educate yourself, find support and learn how to set boundaries.  That's what I had to do-- and it took a few years to reap the rewards.

Find support groups who understand drug addiction-  This is so important! Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, CODA, Celebrate Recovery (church groups) have plenty of websites to help you find one of these groups.  Try different groups-- more than once-- which is exactly what I did.  If you've never been to one, please know that this is not an arena where people will tell you what to do.  The format is that the meeting has specific guidelines, and they will review this at the beginning of each meeting.  First names are only used-- just like on my blog.  This is anonymous.  One person speaks, at a time.  Nobody else may speak. Nobody may offer advice.  The format allows each person an opportunity to "share".  You will discover that you are not alone.  You will make friends.  At the end of each meeting, you can have coffee and chat with those who stay. This is where you can have a personal conversation.

This format doesn't work for me-- and I say this, in all honesty.  I am not saying that I don't like these groups. I am saying that I lack patience with people who speak for a long time.  I have no patience for prattling (says she who writes long posts).  I have an even worse time with people who whine about the same thing ,over and over again.  I'm not giving up, and I will try a new Nar-Anon, that just started in my area.  I live in a small community, where meetings are very scarce.  I also want to say that I know plenty of people who love these kinds of meetings. It has saved their life. So, bottom line, please go-- try it, give it a chance, and I pray this is your answer.

If you can afford to see a licensed Marriage Family Therapist, who specializes in drug addiction, please go!  My husband and I did this, and it was helpful.  My son went, without us.  Then all three of us got together.  That didn't go well, because my son was lying and still using. The therapist knew it, too.  I didn't like her, and didn't go back after a while. In retrospect, I didn't want to hear what she had to say.  You see?  It's very easy to become offended and you can easily have a mental meltdown at the stress of it all.

Most importantly,  it does absolutely no good to yell at your kid, punish, threaten nor belittle them.  I say this, because I've resorted to this.  Odds are, your drug addict child, most likely feels like they are a worthless piece of doo-doo, as it is.  I'm not saying that you need to do nothing!  Of course, there are consequences and we can't enable our kid's addiction.  At times, I felt like covering my ears with my hands, closing my eyes and yelling "na na na na" at the top of my voice. I've lost plenty of sleep and cried many tears of worry and sorrow. 

Understand that, unless your own close friends and family are drug addicts or live with one-- they really won't know the right thing to say.  Some will judge you, because they don't understand.  Most of the judgment comes from ignorance.  I not a perfect mom, but I tried to raise my son with Christian morals.  Still, my son got hooked on drugs.  What works for one addict, might not necessarily work for the other.  Sobriety is hard work-- for the addict and for the parent. 

If you can get your drug addict into a treatment program, that's awesome!  By the grace of God, we had health insurance. It cost $36,000.00 for a 30-day treatment program.  Our share of the cost was $3600.00.  Yes, amen.  When my son left rehab, my best friend let my son stay with them.  "C" is in "the program" with many successful years of sobriety. God bless them, they let my son stay for one month, while we looked for an SLE (Sober Living Environment). The cost was $600.00 per month, plus food and expenses.  It's not cheap.  My son stayed clean for six months.  He was totally pumped up, and so was I.

Pray.  Ask people to pray.  Spiritual Strength = Spiritual Fitness.  You will need all the strength you can find to get through this.  This ride goes on for a very long time-- years...even a lifetime. 

It is so frustrating that families who cannot afford a treatment program are left feeling helpless.  There are places that can be affordable, so don't give up!  Teen Challenge America is one of them.  Most "free" or "reduced" cost programs tend to be Christian based.  If you don't want to do the "Jesus" thing, hopefully you can find a non-denominational place.  Overall, most of these Christian programs don't force you to be a Christian. Ask.

I cannot stress enough, how crucial it is for you to be a safe place where you drug addict can come to. By that, you need to learn to listen.  If your drug addict can begin to feel that you are listening, and you are wanting to understand, it's a step in the right direction.  I attended four-hour classes on addiction, at my son's treatment center.  I learned so much! 

I will close for now-- and next talk about some of the worst case scenarios of living with with drug addict....from stealing to jail.  I count my many blessings that my son never got arrested-- and believe me, he's had close calls.  My son never resorted to stealing a LOT-- but he certainly conned me into giving him money, and he's dipped into $20.00 here and there.  He's not Mother Theresa!

My son's treatment center told us that B had about a 3% chance of not relapsing.  Opioids are a bitch of a habit to break.  I will never fully understand what that's like.  I do understand that the odds of my son relapsing again....still... over and over again... are very high.  I've known addicts who were clean for 10 plus years, and they relapsed.  Fortunately, the longer they stay clean and understand what to do if they relapse-- they usually clean up and move on.

One of the the biggest misunderstandings/misconceptions that I had so many months ago-- I thought my son would be "cured".  By that, I figured he would go to meetings, get a sponsor and he'd make it.  I pray that drug addiction/alcoholism can find a permanent cure.  For now, we all hope that our addicts will find a treatment program that will help them to find an escape hatch-- when the overwhelming need to use comes knocking.

Drug addiction is a demon-- that waits to pounce, and tempt, and lie and steal.

It's the devil.

SIDE NOTE: It appears that the general consensus is that my son might do better to stay on methadone for an indefinite period of time.  Know what?  It's my son's decision to make.  I have to step back, and let him find his way.  I can never fully understand what he's going through.

Hindsight is 20/20 vision - Wheeling & Dealing

 Yesterday, I spent a great deal of time with my son.  It started with meeting him at McDonald's for a quick breakfast. Foodie that I am, I rarely eat fast food; there are days,though, when an Egg McMuffin just does the trick.  My son ordered three of them, and a glass of orange juice-- and he ate them with relish. I nibbled on one of them, just taking in the presence of my son. His eyes look normal, and not the dull look he once had.

FLASHBACK:  I am a single mother, trying to raise a seven year old boy on no alimony or child support.  I was self-employed, and had a 2-year lease on my business site.  Eating out was such a rare luxury for them, at that time.  How times have changed, I thought to myself, as I paid the bill without blinking an eye.

Back to breakfast-- my son was really, hungry.  We talked about anything and everything. I've noticed that conversation flows so much easier, now. Our relationship is better than it's ever been, but it's taken 8 years of drama to get where we are, today.  Seeing my son, at that moment, fills my heart with so much gratitude and love for him.  I feel as though my son is listening to me-- and that he values my opinions. I try not to give my opinions (of which I have many) unless he asks.  I try to relate with him, and at how wreckless and irresponsible I was at his age. My son told me he was broke, because he didn't get much work. He showed me receipts that he paid to get his car fixed.  He showed me his pay stub-- $400.00 for three weeks of work. Ouch. When it rains hard, there's no one using golf carts-- so he gets time off, without pay. He never asked me for money.  He was sharing his financial dire straights with me, and I didn't feel any kind of manipulation.  This is a new road we are on!

My son admitted to me that he is trying to be better in managing his blood sugars. The meter he is using is old and I told him I'd buy him a new one. I also decided to spend $50.00 on groceries for him-- just some basics and a few pantry ingredients he can use to make easy recipes. My son is too thin, and needs to eat healthier foods. My son is also earning how to cook, which makes me very happy!  He was very grateful. When he got off work, at 5pm, he came to my house and off we headed to the shopping center.  Using the dwindling trust fund he has, we bought about $100.00 worth of groceries and things he needed for his apartment.  I could see my son pick something up, on impulse, think about it and then put it back.  The same thing happened when shopping for clothes-- my son, who snubbed anything but designer clothes-- picked out a dress shirt, pants and the least expensive belt, on sale. I offered him a pair of dress shoes (knowing he didn't have any), and he picked out the cheapest pair he could find.

This is my son-- who used to have a closet stuffed full of designer clothes and a wide array of expensive shoes! This is my son who has bought and sold at least a half dozen different video game machines-- not to mention dozens of games, themselves! When I'd question where he got the items, I got answers ranging from "my dad bought them", so "I traded something for them" and even "I sold my video games".  Big red flags, that I didn't know how to handle. Maybe, even, I didn't want the confrontation. Sound familiar?

Here's a hint to parents, whose kids suddenly come home with things you don't remember buying for them--  your son just might be selling drugs.  I never imagined my son would resort to this, but he did. He's even admitted to me that there was a time he he remembers seeing me crying. I could not afford to pay my rent, and I had no idea how I would provide for my son and me.  I was falling apart with fear and worry. B told me he felt bad, because he had a couple thousand dollars, in cash, stashed in his closet.  He said he wanted to give me money, but he didn't know how to explain how he got it. Worse, he still expected an allowance from me!

In order to fund my son's growing addiction to oxycontin, he got involved in dealing in on a very large scale.  My son was 16 years old, and had just gotten his license and a car.  The car was paid for from his trust fund-- it cost $5000.00.   By the way, my son kept his curfews.  He always checked in with me. Drug Dealers are very crafty.  I never even knew what my son was up to. He was very good at living a secret life. If I got too close to the truth, he'd become verbally combative. Sometimes the fights would escalate, I'd blow my cool and tell my son to leave... or to move in with his dad, if he was with me.  HINDSIGHT: That's an addicts technique-- blow up, get angry and move attention away from the issue. If they can make YOU feel like you're the hysterical idiot, they won.  They diverted getting busted. Listen to me! I know this!

I've mentioned before, that I work at a public high school.  I hear the rumors, from faculty, that a certain student is suspected of drug dealing.  Some get caught, others seem to slip away from being busted.  What I notice is that their cellphone is always going off. 

Parents-- Let me recap the clues that I didn't pick up on.  My son confirms how much I missed-- and he got away with this for four years.  He started selling weed, at the age of 13.  He said, had I looked hard, I would have found the scale, the baggies and maybe even a stash of money.

• If your student is failing school, wake up!  Contact each teacher, and ask why their student is failing.  If the teacher doesn't call back (or doesn't reply to emails), then contact your student's counselor.  If you still don't get a response, then go to the principal.  At my high school, parents get responded to.
• If your high school (or middle school) has your student's grades online, be sure that you check the grades.  I am appalled at how many parents don't bother to check, online!  Our software program will even email a weekly progress report-- or daily, if you set it up that way. Ask!
• Many high schools send automated "absence" calls.  If possible, ask the attendance office to send the calls to your cellphone. Kids are known to intercept phone calls, and mail. Stay on top of it!
• When you ask your kid why they aren't doing well in school, the odds are they will lie.  My son always had an excuse-- "Oh, the teacher fixed that grade."  "The teacher lost my homework, but he/she is fixing it".  "The teacher hates me". "I lost my assignment".  If your kid is using drugs, they are going to learn how to lie so convincingly that you will believe them. Keep looking, and hold your kid accountable.
• Why does your kid need a cellphone? Check the bill!  Remove texting, thank you very much.  Texting is a secret world, in high schools.  When staff confiscates a cellphone, students become hysterical. Admin reads the texts, and have discovered a lot of things this way.  In looking back, my son was constantly on his cellphone.  It was his "office".  Had I looked, he had TONS of phone numbers. Take the cellphone away!  They'll hate you for it, but it's a small start.  It won't solve the problem, but why enable it?

I'll stop here, for today. There's so much more to cover-- like signs I missed that were clues that my son was high/using.  The things I wish I hadn't said. The things that just didn't work. The tricks my son played on me that convinced he was clean-- and he wasn't.  So much more to come...

To those of you parents who can relate to what I've written-- what clues did you miss?  Please share them, in comments, so that we can help others who are so new to this Dark World.

NOTE:  I received a comment from someone who wondered if my son is lying to me, and he's really using. Here's my honest answer-- there are no guarantees that my son isn't using and hiding it. Addicts are very clever.  I do believe that my son is clean-- only because of methadone-- and because I see clear signs in the things my son says, the way he dresses, the gansta slang is gone, and the fact he has no friends. He's lonely. I cannot leave each day in fear.  I leave each day in hope.

My name is Debby. My son is an addict, and I am a co-dependent

I have been reading every comment, very carefully. I cannot say, often enough, now much they mean to me. At times, I might not agree with someone's advice, other times I can totally relate. This particular comment has made me pause to think:
Written to me by Suboxone Mom:

read all your reasons for not attending meetings. What stood out the most was that you were at those meetings for your son.

"Each woman is given as much time as she needs to talk. An hour later, I'd hear all about overeating (something I can relate to, but I'm there for my son) or someone's sexual molestation stories from childhood (which broke my heart)."


But the point of the meetings is for YOU to heal. We are supposed to work a program so that "WE" get better. We are not there to understand the addict, nor are we there to hear their stories. We are there to learn how to live our lives in spite of the addict......


Try going for you, not him. He has his own program, his own higher power. Your going to meetings will not get him better. It will heal you...eventually.

Yesterday, I was (once again) blessed by an excellent message from our pastor. He is teaching a series on "Why Believe in the Bible-- with a little help from C.S. Lewis".  I took lots of notes, because I'm so passionate about this particular issue.  I feel that it is my duty-- as a Christian-- to study the Word. The more I read it, the more I find only Truth.  But that's not what has inspired today's posting--

I picked up a brochure from Celebrate Recover on CODEPENDENCY.  I read it, and I realized something very significant...

I AM A CODEPENDENT.  I have a CODEPENDENT relationship with my son.  As I read the compliance patterns, I could see a lot of myself in these:

Patterns in Co-dependency

What is Co-dependency?

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand Co-dependency and may aid those who have been in recovery a while to determine what traits still need attention and transformation.

Denial Patterns:

* I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
* I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
* I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

* I have difficulty making decisions.
* I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never "good enough."
* I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
* I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
* I value other's approval of my thinking, feelings, and behaviors over my own.
* I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.


Compliance Patterns:

* I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
* I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
* I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
* I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.

* I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
* I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
* I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
* I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
* I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
* I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
* I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
* I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
* I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

Compliance Patterns (FROM Celebrate Recovery)

_____ I (not we) declared I was in complete control of my addiction/compulsion, that my life was fine and dandy - thank you very much.

_____ I feel guilty about others' feelings and behaviors.

_____ I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.

_____ I am afraid of my anger, yet sometimes erupt in a rage.

_____ I worry how others may respond to my feelings, opinions and behavior.

_____ I have difficulty making decisions.

_____ I am afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others.

_____ I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.

_____ I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.

_____ I am afraid to express differing opinions or feelings.

_____ I values others' opinions and feelings more than my own.

_____ I put other people's needs and desires before mine.

_____ I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise, or gifts.

_____ I judge everything I think, say or do harshly as never "good enough."

_____ I am a perfectionist.

_____ I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

_____ I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.

_____ I do not perceive myself as a lovable and worthwhile person.

The statements that I strongly agree with I have highlited in red. Those that I "somewhat" agree with are in green.

I struggle, most, with saying :"no" to my son, when he is in trouble. I'm getting better, but I struggle:

I do NOT want to enable my son:

Enabling

Enabling is defined as reacting to a person in such a way as to shield him or her from experiencing the full impact of the harmful consequences of behavior. Enabling behavior differs from helping in that it permits or allows the person to be irresponsible.

* PROTECTION from natural consequences of behavior.
* KEEPING SECRETS about behavior from others in order to keep peace.
* MAKING EXCUSES for the behavior. (School, friends, legal authorities, work, other family members)
* BAILING OUT of trouble. (Debts, fixing tickets, paying lawyers, providing jobs)
* BLAMING OTHERS for the dependent person's behavior. (Friends, teachers, employers, family, SELF)
* SEEING THE PROBLEM AS THE RESULT OF SOMETHING ELSE. (Shyness, adolescence, loneliness, child, broken home)
* AVOIDING the chemically dependent person in order to keep the peace. (out-of-sight, out-of-mind)
* GIVING MONEY THAT IS UNDESERVED/UNEARNED.
* ATTEMPTING TO CONTROL. (Planning activities, choosing friends, getting jobs)
* MAKING THREATS that have no follow-through or consistency.
* TAKING CARE of the chemically dependent person. Doing what they should be expected to do for themselves.

It is so easy for me to recognize others who are enabling their addicts/loved ones. But, for me to self-evaluate where I am weak is another story-- it is hard for me to see my son struggle. I'm so much better at it, but I can still see where my instinct to protect my son is so strong!
 
I am going to try, my hardest, to return to Celebrate Recovery.  Suboxone Mom, you are right. I need to do this for me. I have identified what it is I need to work on.

Please pray for me, that I'll make this a priority in my life.

Thank you,

Why I created this blogsite

Every so often, I receive phone calls from family members or friends. They don't know what to say to me, when they read about my son's struggles to have a successful recovery from his opiate addiction. If you are one of them-- please know, that an email or a phone call is always welcome and appreciated. I know that what I am experiencing with my son is hard for many people to truly comprehend. I never thought that this would happen to me, either! It is my deepest hope that this blogsite might touch the hearts of parents who are going through something similar to mine-- or, better yet, that someone who is an addict might better understand how their "disease" affects those who love them.

The other reason that I started this blogsite is for ME. Journaling is great therapy, you know. I type much faster than I can handwrite, so that is how I found this blogsite. Ultimately, when my son has long-term sobriety to claim-- and more maturity-- I hope to share this blog with him. Maybe, he can read it and get a feel for me.

It is hard when someone, who doesn't know the truth about my son, asked me "how's your son"? What do you say? I don't want to tell ANYONE that he's addicted to opiates! So, I just give the standard answer, "he's great and lives in the Bay Area"... of course, I dread the follow-up question "what's he doing there"?

"Trying to find himself", is all I can think of as my answer.

For those of you who know my son, this blogsite is my way of updating you on what's going on. It's hard for me to talk about it-- not that I dont' want anyone to NOT ask about my son. I just don't like to relive all the sordid details. I know that my loved ones mean well, but I don't want for them to blame his father for my son's addiction. I don't want to blame anyone. Though B's dad and I have very different parenting and spiritual values-- he loves his son. I have to be really careful that I don't feed into the "blame frenzy". My loved ones want to do that. because they are being protective of me. I have found peace in knowing that God knows the truth.

Today's update is simply that my son called me. Of course, it's always at my busiest time, at work. He was doing laundry and I sense some sadness to him. He doesn't sound happy. That's my motherly instinct.

I will share a small snippet of my 2 hour drive to San Francisco on Sunday:

The "gyst" of B's 2-hour conversation was his admitting why he relapsed. I won't get into that detail, because that's highly person for him to share with me. I can say that it all made sense. But, shortly thereafter, he began to blame ME for his relapse!

My husband, who sat quietly in the backseat with a book, heard most of that conversation. Later, he reassured me that was B's "addiction" speaking. He previously had a long-term relationship with a woman, who was an alcoholc. Like me, he devoted a lot of time and effort in counseling and reading books about co-dependence. He said that she would blame him, and everyone else, for her relapse. That's DENIAL. I always appreciate his insights and support. He has a lot of wisdom, and I know that he cares about B.

I am making progress, I call tell. In the past, my gut reaction would be to defend myself with a vengeance. This time, I let my son list all the things I did wrong and what I should have done. He backed up his blame game by quoting that his treatment center "laughed" when B told them how I was unwilling to let him live with me, when he got out of detox.

Calmly, I countered to him that I did not let him come to live with me on his treatment center's advice-- we knew that returning to his home turf would be a recipe for relapse disaster. I reminded him of all the lies and manipulation he had put me through. He grew silent.

Last, I reminded him that he was not left out in the cold. He got weekly allowances. I reminded him of my trips up there to buy him groceries, dishes and he was never left without money for food. He actually accepted that, and stopped blaming me.

Then again, isn't the average teenager like this? Most teenagers are self-absorbed. It must be a teen hormonal brain wiring gene that makes them so selfish! Rarely do I hear a teenager tell me how blessed they are! Generation "X" doesn't have a clue on how blessed they really are! I was probably the same way with my own parents.

I have a feeling that B sees me as a humorless mom who doesn't understand him. It's not that I don't understand him. I don't agree with him. The reason that my son and I are so different is that I really want to live my life in the "spirit"-- the Holy Spirit. I want to live my life to please and obey God. My son, at this time, is living his live "in the flesh". So, we are battling against our spiritual values.

One day, I hope that my son will see that I am seeking to put my Old Worldly Self behind me. I want to be known as a woman of integrity, with a forgiving heart and who loves God. It's not easy to do, but it gives me peace.

There is more to share, but I need to end my lunch break and get back to work.

Till later,

Debby

The early stages of Bs addiction and a WARNING LABEL

I am hoping that what I'm about to write will reach very deep into the heart and soul of any parent who suspects, or knows that they're child/teenager is "using". I want this statement to jump out of this page, grab your attention and I am asking...no, I am PLEADING, with you to listen!

Here is what I have finally come to learn about addicts. Are you ready?
They are master manipulators. They lie. They will look at you, deep into your eyes and they will work right to your heart-- they will tell you whatever it is that they know you want to hear.

Are you with me?

I clearly remember the day that my son first admitted, to me, that he had a "problem" and that he had been using Oxy-Contin. That was January of 2006, just a few day after I returned from my honeymoon. I can still remember that moment-- seeing my son looking at me nervously. My heart just reached out to him. I deperately wanted to be "cool" about it. I did not want to yell and scream at him. So, I listened to his story. It wasn't pretty, I can tell you.

All that my mind could hear was that my son was in trouble. He owed money to someone, and I was afraid for his safety. So, I made a decision that was one of many-- do I give my son "dirty money" to pay his "dirty debt" so that I don't have to lay awake at night? He took the money, and I made him pay it back. I was in my early stages of denial-- denial of how serious a problem he had.

B professed that he was through. He was not going to use anymore.

In the meantime, his step-father and I "googled" to read about the drug, Oxy-Contin. No matter what we read, I had no idea just how addictive and dangerous this drug is. Parents BEWARE:
Oxy-Contin is highly addictive! There is one more warning that I never saw on the internet-- please stop and think about this... how is your child/teenager/family member/loved one getting this drug? Unless they have a trust account or they have won the lottery, these pills cost as much as $50.00 each. As my memory serves me, B was taking several of these a day. Do the math...

I don't want to scare you, and yet I need to make you very aware of something I never considered. An oxy-contin addict can resort to stealing, pawning and selling everything that has any kind of cash value. I began to realize the depth of Bs addiction when he sold the $1000.00 laptop that his father helped him to buy. BIG, big, BIG warning sign!
NOTE: By this time, B was not living at home with me.

I take a small comfort in that B never stole from me. I would know, because I count my last penny! No valuables ever went missing from my home.

But there is one more thing for you to realize-- this is huge. In order to afford this addiction, the addict will probably need to resort to dealing the drug. If your child/loved one resorts to dealing, try to visualize the chain of command. Small time dealer, bigger dealer and then you can place your bet that it will lead to gangs. It's that dark and ugly of a world. Because street drugs are big money, illegal and a greedy profit.

With that said, I have much to share with you in future blogs. I've had two years of believing that B was doing much better. I kept looking for a glimmer of improvement in him. He was enrolled in college (dropped out, though). He was getting out of bed early. He was playing golf (and he's good at it). He was talking "down" about people who "used".

Yes, I believed it all. I listened to my son talk about how much he hated drugs. I believed that he does (and I still do). He was spiraling towards a relapse that I didn't see coming soon enough.

And here we are. Day #13 that my son is in a detox/recovery center.

I did not take his addiction seriously enough. I knew that my son needed professional help. But I kept hoping that he was doing this on his own will power.

He can't. It is not possible.

If anyone, who is reading this post, has someone in their life who is using drugs-- I beg you! Out-patient doesn't work. It just doesn't. Take them far away. Pray a lot, and never give up.

But, please... go to any or all of these resources for meetings-- Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or Celebrate Recovery. Educate yourself. Learn about co-dependency.

Because we love our kids so much, we tend to blame ourselves. We need to learn how to be strong and to see how we are enabling their addiction.

I have a long and difficulty process ahead of me. I think the hard times will happen the day that B leaves this medical facility. I need to be strong and able to say "no" to enabling B's addiction.

I could not do this without my faith in God, my husband and my precious friends.

I already know of a few parents who are thinking that they can help their addict with their recovery. That's where his father and I failed him. We did not use "tough love" until it was too late.

Be strong. Pray for our kids, please. They need intervention.

In Jesus' Name,

Debby

Insurance Woes

Health Care is an issue that all of us are frustrated with. That's where we (hubby and me) are at with my son's insurance.

I don't wish on ANY parent, that they need to put their child into a detox/recovery center. It's astronomically expensive! The cost of "detox" that I was quoted was between $15-20K for a 30-day program.

Thankfully, my husband has a good insurance policy through his job. B stopped going to college, so the cost of his insurance soared from $130.00 a month, to $374.00 a month. We (husband, ex-husband and I) agreed that we needed to keep him on his insurance. He is a Type-1 diabetic, and we didn't want to leave him uninsured.

It's a good thing that we did, because Blue Shield has agreed to pay for his detox-- but therein lies the problem.

• Blue Shield considers "detox" to be finished as soon as B is off his meds. He was given meds for five days. Therefore, Blue Shield crossed their arms and said "no" to paying for another day.
• Thankfully, the medical center has good people. "Chuck" found a clause in that B could get more time (covered by Blue Shield) if there is a risk to either the pancreas or the liver. Bingo! B is a diabetic. He has until this Tuesday, April 15th that has been approved.
• "Chuck" will try to get 7 more days approved from Blue Shield. However, he says it's 50/50 that he can get this done.
• It's frustrating that Blue Shield thinks 5 days is enough detox to come off opiate addition. It isn't. B has been off meds for six days, and he is struggling with side effects-- vomiting, insomnia, diarrhea and nervousness. I have been told that it takes an average of 3 months for his brain to begin to settle down from oxy-contin.
  

The share of expense for B's stay at this medical center will cost about $130.00 a day. How that will be paid is being prayed about. I can't worry about it, because B needed medical intervention -- and not a moment too soon.

Stay tuned-- I won't have an answer until this Tuesday, at the latest.

"Mom"