Vivitraol Clarified Question

Thanks for the links on vivitrol.... I should have asked if anyone has PERSONAL knowledge of this drug. Did/does it work for you or someone you personally know?

Debby

What is vivitrol?

I am totally exhausted from the hectic pace at my job. It's just that time of year when I feeling like I'm in combat on the front lines at my high school. Yes, it's back to school time and jobs have been cut. Still, we must carry the work load with less people to pitch in.

My son is moving out at the end of this month. We are talking, and there is much to say, but there is no strength left in me to do this-- until the weekend.

My son wants to get a vivitrol shot. He thinks this will help him to stop using...

Does anyone know much about this? I would appreciate any feedback.

I will try and write later in the week. For now, I'm off to bed.

Thank you for your comments. I mean it, from the depths of my heart.

Thank you, Kim, for your kind email.

Thank you MH for sending me "The Lord's Prayer" and for your loving and encouraging thoughts.

Thank you Huzzy and CB for being my dear friends. I love you dearly.

Thank you, husband, for your love and your support. You mean the world to me.

Thank you, God, for your grace and your mercy and for protecting my son.

Thank you, God, for blessing me with my son. I will not give up on him. I love him with all of my heart.

I love you all.

Debby

The Lord's Prayer from two points of view

I am buried at work for all of this week. I received this in my email from a special friend and I want to share this with others. I will print this for my son, because I found it both amusing and quite thought-provoking. I hope it touches someone's heart:

THE LORD'S PRAYER

Rather cleverly done. This is in two parts:
the prayer (in blue type) and GOD (in red type) response.
It is very, very good.

**********

Our Father Who Art In Heaven.
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
But -- you called ME!
Called you?
No, I didn't call you. I'm praying.

Our Father who art in Heaven.
There -- you did it again!
Did what?
Called ME.
You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven"
Well, here I am. What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it.
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day.
I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good, kind of like fulfilling a duty.

Well, all right. Go on.

Okay, Hallowed be thy name .

Hold it right there. What do you mean by that?

By what?

By "Hallowed be thy name"?

It means, it means . . good grief, I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?

20

It means honored, holy, wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.
Thanks. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven

Do you really mean that?

Sure, why not?

What are you doing about it?

Doing? Why, nothing, I guess.

I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control
of everything down here like you have up there.

We're kinda in a mess down here you know.

Yes, I know; but, have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church.

That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know.
And then there's the way you spend your money -- all on yourself.
And what about the kind of books you read?

Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church!

Excuse ME. I thought you were praying for my will to be done.
If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it. Like you -- for example.

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups.
Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others.

So could I.

I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like

to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free.

Good. Now we're getting somewhere.

We'll work together -- You and ME. I'm proud of You.

Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here.
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread.

You need to cut out the bread. You're overweight as it is.

Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups.

Praying is a dangerous thing. You just might get what you ask for.
Remember, you called ME -- and here I am.
It's too late to stop now. Keep praying. ( . . pause . . )
Well, go on.

I'm scared to.

Scared? Of what?

I know what you'll say.

Try ME.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

What about Ann?

See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories.
She never paid back the money she owes me.

I've sworn to get even with her!

But -- your prayer -- What about your prayer?

I didn't -- mean it.

Well, at least you're honest. But, it's quite a load carrying around

all that bitterness and resentment isn't it?

Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her.
Boy, have I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born.

No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse.
Revenge isn't sweet. You know how unhappy you are --
Well, I can change that.

You can? How?

Forgive Ann. Then, I'll forgive you; and the hate and the sin,

will be Ann's problem -- not yours.
You will have settled the problem as far as you are concerned.

Oh, you know, you're right. You always are.
And more than I want revenge, I want to be right with You . . (sigh).
All right , all right . . I forgive her.

There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?

Hmmmm. Well, not bad.
Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight.
I haven't been getting much rest, you know.

Yeah, I know.
But, you're not through with your prayer are you? Go on.

Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.

What do you mean by that?

You know what I mean.

Yeah. I know.

Okay. Go ahead. Finish your prayer.

For Thine is the kingdom, and the power,
and the glory forever. Amen.

Do you know what would bring me glory --
What would really make me happy?

No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you now.
I've really made a mess of things. I want to truly follow you.
I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me . . . How do I make you happy?

You just did.

Reality sets in...

I want to thank Madison, Barbara and Dad & Mom for your comments. I might not write back to you, but that does not mean that I don't consider your advice or receive your love.

Thank you.

I don't have time to sit and write with a lot of thought and flow, today. I just finished my lunch break, an I have about 10 minutes left until I return back to the craziness at work.

B rode the city bus from his job to where his doctor's office is located-- about an hour ride. This is a first, since he has his own car. The problem is, the car is in the shop so he is relying on rides to get around. I picked him up after work. I enjoy our times in the car. It means that B is my captive audience. I've noticed that threse times have turned into golden opportunities to talk.

B said there was a guy withdrawing in the lobby at the doctor's office. B commented at how messed up this guy was, and then he remarked he remembers how bad his own detox was a year ago, April.

Good. I hope that God planned this out, so that my son can be reminded of just how far he has come. He's still an addict, and he always will be. Sadly, he's not clean and sober.

We stopped at the pharmacy to get his precription of suboxone filled and all of his insulin and diabetes supplies. Thank God for insurance, because the co-pay for suboxone is $40.00 for a 30-day supply (2 a day). On the way home from the pharmacy, my son exclaimed that he didn't know what he was going to do when he has to move out. He worries that he only makes $200.00 a week, after taxes. Given that the average room rental, or apartment share is $450.00 a month, he is realizing that he cannot afford the $396.00 a month to pay his health insurance-- let alone the co-pays that total about $100.00 for all of his meds.

Reality is beginning to sink in....

I have to say that it breaks my heart to no end. I keep seeing my son as that ten year old boy, in his camouflage pants and shirt...running around the fields where we live with his friend "R"... playing all kinds of boy games. I see that precious boy who was my greatest blessing in life-- making me a mother and I can only remember fond memories of watching my son grow. I still cannot believe that precious and innocent boy is now a drug addict, who struggles with opiate addiction.

I still can't fully believe this has happened.

I am so afraid for my son. Making the "right" decision comes and goes, with my way of thinking. I have a genuine fear of my son resorting to drastic measures to survive. Will he resort to dealing drugs? Will he be arrested? My son is a diabetic and stress can make his blood sugars soar through the roof. I wonder if he will be able to find a place to live. My son smokes, so that narrows down how many people will rent to him. Granted, he never smokes in our home, but he still smokes-- and his clothes smell like it.

In a perfect world, my son should pursue getting into a one-year program. But, the funds don't exist. His insurance will only pay for about 2 weeks-- maximum. Sadly, the last time my son went into detox, he met three drug addicts who smuggled the drugs into the center. So, there is not guarantee that this is the answer.

What is the answer? I don't know. I can only pray that my son will have a reality check when he's out of our house. I can only pray, fervently, that God will continue to watch over my son. I pray that my son will find a place to live where he's safe. I don't care if the place isn't a luxury resort-- it wouldn't hurt for my son to live a life without any kind of perks and luxuries.

Still, it breaks my heart.

How am I? I have my moments when I'm too busy at work to think of anything else. It's at times when my son is watching television with me, at night, and he is "normal" that I second guess what I should do.

My son is not a criminal. He is not using every day, and even then it's just "a little bit". It makes this so hard for me. If he was a thief, or an a--hole, it would be a slam dunk decision to throw him out. My son is a loving son, who is afraid and he cannot cope with life's ups and downs without needing some sort of medication.

My son needs to find peace, strength and joy from God. Right now, he has evil chaining him down from escaping addiction.

My lunch is over. I just wanted to unload my thoughts.

Thank you for listening. If there are typos or grammatical errors, it's because I have no time to edit or proof-read.

Signing off,

Sad Mom who loves her son more than anything else in this world.

30 Days - and a long story

NOTE: I know that this posting is long, and if you read all of it, thank you. I've added an update at the bottom of my prayer.

I made my decision about my son. I've finally reached the point that I can't take the "Crazy Cycle" anymore.

My son is chipping. He's admitted it, and I've admitted defeat.

I am feeling queasy in my stomach and this whole thing feels so surreal.

But, there isn't all bad news:

Yesterday, I received the final payment for restitution from a crime that was committed to my son when he was a minor. February 2006, my son was carjacked. We were awarded $7000.00 in restitution from the 18 year old who was involved in the crime of yanking my son out of his truck, kicking him in the head and stealing the car. It was found, abandoned, in a muddy field and stripped of his expensive stereo, expensive golf clubs and cellphone. The 18 year old was sentenced to one year in county jail, but served 10 months.

Legally, the money belongs to "us". I have never used the money for myself. As the monthly payments came in, I use it to pay for my son's apartment and basic living expenses when he got out of his first rehab. I never handed my son cash, per se.

The finally payment arrived yesterday for $1800.00. I knew, immediately, that I would earmark the money to pay off my son's debts-- a $300.00 loan from me, the Department of Motor Vehicles, the I.R.S. (for a bounced check) and a parking ticket that is a year old.

The rest of the money I will set aside for necessary expenses-- if his car is repaired (the engine is supposedly under warranty) he will need car insurance and registration. Otherwise, I will set it aside to help my son with necessary expenses in life. I have vowed that I will never hand him the cash.

Of course, B tried to get the money-- saying it's "his". The devil is certainly working in my son's head. Yes, it's his money since he was the victim of a crime. He forgets that had I not carried insurance, his personal items would never have been replaced. He forgets the time I took off work to attend every trial. He doesn't realize that my insurance premiums went up and that we incurred expenses from this crime. In essence, we were all victims of this crime. It was traumatic for me to get a call that my son had been attacked. Mercifully, my son's injuries were not life-threatening.

The timing of this check is perfect. Once his debts are paid, he should have about 3 months rent money set aside and he's out of debt and in compliance with "Big Brother". He can have a driver's license again, because fine will be paid.

B didn't come home, last night. He called and asked me for a ride to come home, just as I was leaving for church this morning. I could sense, all day yesterday, that my husband was out-of-sorts. I suspect it's because the end of July came -- and went, and I didn't drug test my son. B already told me he wouldn't test clean.

When I picked up B, he looked like hell. I asked if he was ready for a drug test and he said he's dirty. He announced, "I'm out, I know it". Then he said I "had" to give him the court money so he could survive. He said he just wanted to say "F- It, and use and forget about everything else". This is the demon addiction talking to my son.

My stomach lurched. My heart broke and my whole life felt like it went into a tailspin.

He became very upset and began to argue that an attorney told him that money was his. I replied that he could sue me, then. I had already spoken to the District Attorney when the first check arrive two years ago. I could feel his anger growing. What I didn't tell him, is that I have documented every penny where the money has gone. Not one cent has gone to my personal benefit

Deep down, my son knows that I would never steal from him. If anything, I have given my own money to help my son try to find sobriety.

B wanted to come to church with me, so I took himalong. My husband had already left in his own car. During the entire service, I could feel my husband's anger. I kept praying though the whole service for God's wisdom.

When church ended, my son found me (he sat in a different area, with a friend) he got in the car and apologized to me for his outburst.

I have learned than when my son becomes emotional and angry, that I need to avoid allowing letting his outbursts from getting to me-- he's being irrational so trying to reason with him is futile. I know that's the addiction doing this-- and I know it's the devil.

At the end of the church service, I felt a sense of what I should do. That's how, I believe, God speak so to me. I don't hear an audible voice, but more of an intuition or decision that makes sense to me... it bring peace to me. So, I feel that I have made the right decision and I told my son that at the end of August, he must move out. I am giving him this month to find a place to live. He took the news well.

While waiting for my son, after church, I spoke with my husband for a few months. I told him that this was my decision. His whole face relaxed and he said "thank you".

My marriage does not need to be under attack from addiction. My husband has been more than patient, but I can tell that he is tired of all my son's drama. I have to admit that I've grown tired of it, too-- the (supposed) lost wallets with money, losing the house key, running out of gas and his mood swings and on and on. He's not violent, but the lethargy and lack of follow through has taken it's toll on me.

I want peace back in my home.

My son is angry with himself. I am angry with addiction.

I can only pray that my son will find a way to stay sober. I know, 100%, that I have done everything I can to help my son. I've tried to teach him life skills. The amount of rent I've been charging him is what he can rent a room for. He's going to struggle, big time. He won't have the lifestyle that we've given him in our home. He won't have the gourmet meals, cable TV and clean surroundings.

The odds are he will live in a "dumpy" place, unless he is blessed to find a nice home that is renting a room. The challenge will be that my son smokes. His credit might be a challenge, but we shall see.

It is up to my son what path he will take-- sobriety or full-blown drug relapse.

Giving my son 30-days notice will help me-- "mom" to adjust to the idea of my son no longer living here. When he's clean, he's a joy to have around. We have grown much closer in the last few months.

I have grown to be a better mom, I think. I've learned to listen to my son, and in return he has opened up to me.

Still, the demon of addiction is bigger than I am. My son is fighting for his life, and I pray that he will lean on God for strength. B didn't stick around for the whole service, he said. He said he was crying.

That makes me sad. I can tell that my son is in as much shock as I am, that he has to move out.

Once B moves out, I doubt my worry will cease. If anything, I will go to sleep each night, asking God to watch over him. I pray that I will not receive a phone call, in the middle of the night, that my son has either been arrested or that he is dead.

Such is the reality when an addict has not found sobriety.

My son is struggling, and so am I.

I am doing what I must do, but it's a very bitter pill to swallow.

My heart is heavy and sad and I wish I could just release it all and cry-- the kind of sobbing that releases months and months of living with a son who is an addict.

I pray for my husband-- with gratitude for his patience. I don't want our relationship to suffer. I made a promise to my husband that if my son used again, he would have to leave.

I must honor my promises. My son accepts it.

Heavenly Father-- you know my son's heart right now. I pray that you will send help to my son, to fight this demon of addiction. I pray that I am doing your will and I thank you for your mercy. I pray that this unexpected amount of money that has been entrusted to me will be used to help my son find sobriety. Thank you for all you have done for B. Lord, I pray that when my son moves out on his own, that he will follow your path. I pray that you will sever all friendships that B has with those who mean him harm. I pray that you will be my son's intercessor from the devil's plan to lure my son into his lair of sin and darkness.

Thank you, Lord, for hearing our prayers. I pray that my son will hear your voice, feel your love and that he will have a victory against the Dark One.

Give me peace in my heart, I pray. Thank you, God, for loving me and for the strength you give me when I am feeling weak.

Amen.
-------------------------------------
My husband came home, and I waited a few minutes to go into our bedroom to talk. B had gone to sleep.

The tears finally came-- like a dam releasing so much pain, fear and sorrow. I told my husband what decision I had made, and I could see the sorrow in his eyes. As I write this, I can feel the tears welling up again.

These are cleansing tears. My husband is a wise and compassionate person. He feels sorrow for my son, and I know that it pains him to see me-- his wife-- so upset.

We talked about our marriage, and he admitted what I already knew. He felt frustrated that I didn't want to talk about my son's addiction. I explained to him that it was because I knew, in my heart, that B would have to move out. I just didn't want say it. I kept praying for a miracle, and I won't stop praying for one.

Finally, I can cry. It feels good to let it all out. I'll pay for it, later, when my eyes puff up and burn. They always do. My husband gave me a strong hug and I could feel the wall between us break down. We love each other, very much. I find security in knowing that he is my best friend.

I'm thankful that I finally let go of all the denial I have been latching onto. I'm not one to cry often. When I do, I always hope that this is my body's way of letting all the bottled up fear go.

In God I trust.