Yesterday, I decided to take a day off my obsession about B's addiction. Easier said than done. Besides, work has been insanely busy with a lot of deadlines. That helped.
I finally have my car fixed-- turns out that it was a faulty battery. The sound of the engine roaring to life, this morning, made me sigh with relief. The upside is that B has been driving me to work at 6:45 each morning. It's nice to have that time to talk-- though I have so missed my daily devotionals on my iPod and my "me time" in prayer to the Lord. Instead, I've had to grit my teeth while B kept changing songs on his iPod (I don't even want to know how he bought that...or, whatever).
B had a rough day, yesterday. He forgot to bring his suboxone with him. We didn't have time to turn around and get them. By the time that B came to have lunch with me-- 5 hours later, I could see he was having a rough day. His eye dilate and he seemed antsy. His whole demeanor changes where the "calm" vibe is gone. I bought us my Japanese Bento box lunches (for $6.00, what a bargain) and we drove to the ocean. It was raining, but we kept the car window open so that we could hear the surf. It was a wonderful time spent with my son-- I'm actually beginning feel less nervous around him.
He has 9 units of college classes signed up. He needs one more. That way, we can put him on our group insurance, instead of COBRA. That should save us $250.00 a month. Whew!
My son is a good golfer, and it helps him a lot.
I have debated giving my son an allowance. No! I would not give him cash. But, I've decided that I want to make some things possible for B-- things that he appreciates, and as a mom, it is something I am willing to do.
Golf! I made a deal with my son to do a list of chores. Wouldn't it be nice if he did them just out of the goodness of your heart? C'mon. How many of you have kids like that -- yes, B is 20 years old, but he's stunted from drugs. Truly, he's in high school, by maturity level.
He's still not 100%. He says he's feeling really bad. I hope he goes to a meeting. I'm going to drive to our golf course and buy him a round of golf. I'll pay for it-- trust me, it's a city owned golf course...not some shi-shi country club, because it's way out of my price range. We're talking $15.00.
I'll get him a haircut, too.
Speaking of-- I need to get busy cleaning my house. This whole episode of B's relapse has taken a huge toll on everyone.
Can I exhale for now? Tonight, my husband and I are going out to the movies. I'll cook (to save money) and he cleans. I need quiet time with my husband-- to cuddle, hold hands and feel like a couple again.
Just for today-- I thank God for another day of life. I thank you, Lord, that my loved ones are safe. Thank you for the rain you've blessed our thirsty land with, and for the sunshine that has brightened our day. Thank you, God, for my son's sobriety...just for today.
I pray for the families and loved ones, who have a daughter, a son, a husband, a wife, a sibling, a cousin... in jail because their life has become so unmanageable from addiction. I pray, Lord, that would you give them courage, strength and wisdom. Father, I pray that these addicts would surrender their concept that they can handle their addiction by themselves. They are powerless over their addiction. May your perfect light of love shine upon them, that they can take that first step to sobriety.
Amen.
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