How I cope with my son's addiction and a helpful comment

I don't have a lot of time to write this morning, but I feel compelled to quickly type a response to the very passionate and emotional responses about my son's methadone treatment program:

As B's mom, I have accepted that I have no control over my son's addiction.  My purpose in going to his methadone clinic was to ask questions and to learn.  I received materials to read, which I will do over the weekend.

Some of you might have missed a few key points-- which I posted as comments yesterday. Once again:

• My son doesn't use IV heroin. He freebases it.
• The program his methadone clinic recommends is called a "Maintenance Program".  It is a six month program. His counselor says this is a baseline, by the way.  It might be sooner, it might be longer. It all depends on my son, really. If he eats healthier, exercise, it helps-- and I do believe this. There are so many variables.
• The 21-day program is a detox program.  It worked wonders for my son's former best friend. Overall, it's not the most ideal program. This is what my son originally wanted. Obviously, it wasn't what's happening.
• They feel that, based on my son's young and tender age, and that his heroin use is not as severe as many of their clients, that their goal is not NOT have him on methadone for more than six months.
• My son is taking between 38-40 mg of methadone, per day. It is dispensed to him, in liquid form.
• The State of California has implented very strict guidelines is the dispensing of methadone-- unlike many other states.  Any experts os MMT, please be aware of California State Law, before posting your expertise.
• While my son shows some signs of withdrawals-- runny nose, in particular, he says he is not experiencing any desires to use.

My opinion?  I'm still in the jury room.  I need to read.

I need to go to work, but I wanted to post a comment that was left by someone I consider to be a true blogger friend-- and someone who I think is a very smart dad.   I totally agree with Ron, in that I believe there is no cookie cutter answer to what works for addicts.

I have a lot of ground to cover, but I'm limited on time. I'm working on responding to so many topics that your comments have brought to my attention.  Thank you for the lengthy comments you are leaving.


To Angelo-- I can read the passion in what you write.  How I wish I could give you a hug, and fill your heart with calm.  You write from the perspective of an addict who still has so much pain.  I do read between the lines. I am not dismissing what you have to say-- but I must remain calm and use my common sense.

Bottom line-- it is my son's decision on how long he will do the methadone treatment. For now, I'm going to give the money, from his trust fund-- and that should just about empty it out.  He's got about two months to figure out if he can get on medical (which will pay for it)-- and that would be good for his diabetes treatment he needs.

Every day, I live my life trusting in my faith and promises that God is with me. I have too many miracles and answered prayers to write in two minutes. I know, that he is real.  For that very reason, I must remain calm. I can't panic.  Panic produces knee jerk reactions.

Here's a comment that I hope none of you missed, it's from An Addict in Our Son's Bedroom:

With my limited expeieince and self taught knowledge about drug addiction the one thing I have learned for sure is: there is more than one way out of this morass. I am learning not to fault someone (my son) for doing it his way instead of my way. I have learned he got into this mess, only he can get out of this mess. He is not using meetings, he is not using suboxone, or methadone, not working steps, or doing really anything you read and hear needs to be done. In fact we had a discussion a couple of nights ago about his methodology for staying clean. He summed it up in these words, "Dad, I am just not going to do that again, can't you understand that?" I wish him well, but he is like his father in one sense, he is very strong willed and if he makes his mind up, that is it. Just like dad I guess. Now how long will those methods be effective? I don't know but it is working today. Today is all that counts. There was a time when I was at a point that my belief was if you aren't working a program you aren't really in recovery. I am not there now. I think I have grown in that I am not responsible for his recovery and if he relapses I am not responsible for that either. I am not "owning" his problem any more. Methadone, suboxone or whatever; what works for others is not a "one size fits all". I think it is individual. Compare it to someone with some other disabling disease that cripples ones legs through accident or disease, some never leave a wheelchair, some require crutches and some eventually walk again. Part of it is physiological and part of it may be psychological. It is up to the addict what they need and it seems to work only when they can really work the issue for themselves. In the past I questioned the recovery part of using one chemical to replace another chemical but now my mind is at a place of "what does it matter if it works". Just use the medical professions motto in deciding on the answers: do no harm.

Thursday, February 04, 2010