Quick Update of encouragement and slow progress

I have been blogging here, mentally, for days and days! Sometimes, I'm just inspired to share the things I've learned in the almost two years since my son revealed to me his deep, dark secret of opiate addiction. Sometimes, I just want to share happy moments with my son. Other days, I want to vent. I just don't have a lot of spare time to write the things I so want to share here.

Sometimes, I drive to the ocean which is just a few minutes from my job. I park, overlooking one of the most beautiful and famous areas of the California Coast. I listen to the waves, eat my packed lunch-- sometimes I read a foodie magazine... or do a little bible study. Other times, I just sit and reflect on how blessed my life feels.

How is my son? He is 21 years old. Depending on how you feel about methadone-- he has three months free of buying illegal drugs. B says that he has absolutely no desire to use. Amen! He struggles with everyday life, of course. He hates his boss, he says. I try to rephrase that way of thinking to be "he is frustrated with his boss". Sometimes, there are people who are given power in their position as a manager-- but they are lousy leaders. Still, my son shows up to work on time. I'm happy to see that. My mother always gave me that desire to be punctual to work-- even early. Because we've been experiencing some heavy rains, that shortens his work day-- thereby reducing his paycheck.

B is having a terrible time with his roommate "A". Very long story, short-- his original roommate, who is on the lease, bailed on my son in January. I'm delighted, because M is living a very dark life. He was a terrible influence on my son-- a thief, a liar and I can only pray he is finding sobriety in his rehab.

In desperation, B's friend "A" moved in. He has been sketchy with paying rent. A is so heavily addicted to heroin, that he got fired from his job. My son is disgusted with A, but he feels he's stuck. He says he needs "A" to help pay the rent.  But A hasn't kept up with it. He smokes his money.  What's so sad is that I know "A".  He's not dangerous like "M" is.  A doesn't pack a gun.  He is a nice young boy of 20.  Unfortunately, he got hooked on a dangerous drug.  So far, he hasn't robbed anyone.  His family enables the addiction.  I pray A will run out of money, that will finally get him to seek help.

I can't help my son with that. His trust account is emptied out. It's gone. I have helped my son by buying him food staples, while he waits for food stamps to happen. I am angry at the multitude of rejection letters we've received to get my son any kind of medical insurance. Because he is a diabetic, insurance companies will NOT insure him! He doesn't qualify for Medi-Cal, because he is 21. If he had a disability, was under 21 or was homeless, he would. Hello?

The good thing is that my son keeps a positive attitude, despite his troubles. . He says that in the last six months (I can't believe how fast it's gone) of having to leave out house-- he thinks it was a good thing. He says he appreciates what he had, and he doesn't blame me for making him leave. We are closer than ever.

I am seeing my son take baby steps forward. He still gives up far too easily. He is afraid to deal with collection letters or being declined benefits. I keep telling him to fight it -- appeal them. Don't give up, because that's what insurance companies expect! 

Today, my son was bummed. He said that "A's" job hasn't' paid him back rent. The company that recently hired him hasn't paid anyone.A's family is beginning to call him a "loser".  I'm sorry for how that must hurt A, but he is so lost. B has tried to get him into treatment, but A isn't ready. 

I said to B that I see him as not wanting to kick out his "friend". Only A isn't his friend right now-- he's not A.  He's a drug addict spiraling out of control. I reminded him that this is exactly what I had to do to B last year. B was quiet...

So, I went on to say-- "You are keeping A from reaching his bottom." You are hoping for a drug addict, in denial, to miraculously come up with rent money. It's not gonna happen. He'll buy drugs before he'll pay you."

"You're right", my son said.

B says he knows someone who is clean  and says he would be his  roommate.

Give the apartment house a 30-day notice to move into a 2-bedroom and make it happen, I suggested. Give up on A. He needs help!

I feel bad for my son, but he needs to take action. My son has six months left on this lease. Sure, he could break it and ruin his credit for many years-- they could sue him for $2000.00 to break the lease....

My son cannot come home to live with us. We said to even consider it, he needs one year of sobriety-- and, his energy is so strong and overpowering (as in he's a chatterbox) that I hate to give up the peace and quiet my husband and I have come to know.

So many sad stories have come my way, via my job and my church youth group. I have so much wisdom I hope to share with people who read my blog. I don't want to post drama anymore. I hope that this blog will evolve to be a place where parents can feel that there is some wisdom and encouragement to be found here.

I hope to have more time to do that. Please don't give up on reading me. Subscribe to me, if you wish.

I am not abandoning this blog. For now, I'm feeling gratitude that my son's mind isn't feigning for drugs. I have my son back, and I pray that he will never go back to that dark world.

Even my own son says he is disgusted with A, and that seeing A's life in such a mess reminds him of where he came from-- and he doesn't want to go there.

Happy Friday. I'm going to make h'ors doevres and a cold glass of beer when I get home. It's been a stressful work week-- and I'm sick of hearing budget cuts and potential job cuts in the school districts. I don't want to lose my job, but I'm not going to collapse in fear.

God has a plan. I will wait and trust.