Honestly, I pray for and think of so many of you-- Ron (Mom & Dad), Barbara, Cheri... many more of you. I was just saying prayers of thanks, this morning, for my son's six months of sobriety. That's definitely debatable, because some people believe that if you are using methadone then you are not sober. As far as I am concerned, my son is not buying heroin. He's using methadone at a clinic that has a good reputation for dispensing this, in liquid form, and adhering to the state of California's very strict guidelines.
Work has been rough for me, so I came home and promptly fell asleep. I awoke, hearing my son puking his guts out in his bathroom. B was supposed to taper off methadone this month. However, he talked to the clinic director, and they have mutually decided to postpone this decision. B was feeling ill, and he's not ready. B ran out of gas, today, so his missed his appointment to meet with the doctor (at the methadone clinic). They were going to bump up his dose a bit and then come up with a new plan. It broke my heart, to see him this way. I hate that poison that's in his body. I am reminded of my son's days of withdrawals, he was so sick. Basically, he was in withdrawals today-- not horrible. B will be at the clinic at 6:00am, but he's not feeling well tonight.
Damn.
So, last weekend, B went into town for an errand. He was supposed to return with something for me. He never did. I was not happy. I called him a few times. No answer. Finally, he called me and I picked up the phone and said "this better be good".
It turns out my son got pulled over by the police. There had been a robbery and his car (my former car that I gave to him) matched the description. B said the police had the loudspeaker going and all... handcuffed him and threw him in the back of the police car. They had the drug dogs, too. B told them to search the car, because he was innocent. They tore the car up and found nothing. Finally, they got a radio call that the robber had been caught, they apologized to my son and let him go.
All I can say is, that this validates my son isn't using. There wasn't a foil to be found. B was furious at the way he was treated. He was smart enough to ask the cop to give him a business card and to write down the time, to show his boss. That cleared him for being late to work.
My son has more drama in his life!
B just bought some methadone from a friend. I don't like it, but I understand that he would have a tough night trying to get through this. B said he had to do it, otherwise he might be tempted to use.
Frickin' poison. How I pray that my son will finally be able to purge that crap out of his body. Synthetic opiate or not, how I long for my son to be free of drugs of any kind. I can only watch, and feel sorrow for what he's going through.
He's trying so hard, and I have to say that he's been great ever since we allowed him to move home six weeks ago. He's working two jobs. He's paying us rent (savings). For that, I am thankful.
Off to sleep. I hope my son's vomiting stops. This is not good for a diabetic.
I miss many of you. I know I've been scarce. I just had to blog about this. I'm thankful my son will extend his methadone use, for now. I can't believe I'm saying that, but his body isn't ready yet.
Night,
Posts
12 comments:
People can say what they want. If it works for your son, then it works. Stevie used the methadone clinic as a store- get the methadone- sell it for heroin...... it did not work for him. I believe and I still do, esp. for someone as manipulative as Stevie, going cold turkey and being totally off is the only way S will make it. When he is altered, he just wants it more. I hope it works for B. Glad he is clean! Smiles!
Glad to hear that B is still doing well! Every situation is different and it sounds like this is working for B...what more can we ask for? I think it takes a long while for the "drama" element in addiction to subside...it just seems to be a by-product with all of them! Keeping all in my prayers!
First, Barbara, I miss you. Some of it is me...life (not Bryan) feels out of control and between work, and 4 hours on the road a day, and my personal life changes, I don't want to blog much right now. But I still miss you. Bryan never did methodone but I agree with others...if it is working for him and keeping him off heroin, then it is working. I'm also glad to hear that overall it is good to have him at home. I miss my son.
Take care of yourself and I continue to keep B and you in my prayers.
Debby,
When our kids hurt, so do we. I know this is as tough on you as it is on B, although in a different way. I'm so thankful that the real robber was caught, and I understand why B was livid about how he was treated. Also thankful that the Methadone clinic is working with B to be sure he's ready before they take him off the stuff. My husband and I are also praying for the day when B is off all drugs and free.
United in heart and in prayer... hand in there,
Cheri and Wayne
... oops!
Hang* in there!
Cheri
I continue to pray for you and B!
Both getting pulled over/handcuffed like that, and getting sick had to be so hard on him when he's trying to do so good. And mentally exhausting for you :(
Sending love & hugs to you!
you know i quit cold turkey, wouldn't recommend it though hurt like hell for several months. course i didn't know there were clinics and such. swear to god i never even heard of methadone before i came into the program.
it astounds me how much help is really out there for an addict who wants to quit.
i am sorry your baby is in pain, when mine cries, i cry. i know i shouldn't but i just love them so much.
the great thing about NA is it has taught me not to judge. i am grateful B is working on getting clean.
My "D" took methadone for 2 years. It was his decision and his best attempt at a first step in getting his life more stable.
His plan was to reduce his dose over time; and he did - until he got into the 20mg per day range. Then he hit a wall.
Throughout his use, the drama continued. lost jobs, bad girlfriends, fights, "jerks" for bosses, not enough money. I think that when they become addicts they lose many fundamental life skills. Many claim that methadone enables them to maintain a stable life.
For my son, it partially worked. Eventually, however, he started using drugs with methadone.
I was grieved when I learned that methadone is more addictive that heroin and extremely difficult to get off. It is still a drug, and they cannot live without it.
I agree everyone is different, and if the drive is there to get life on track, maybe it can work.
For Daniel, it was part of his recovery but eventually we put him into a medical detox/rehab facility. He finally has all the poisons out of his body. I know it will be a long road ahead.
Sorry if I am rambling. Just thought I would share some of our experience w/ methadone
I'm sorry B is sick right now.
But I'm glad that he wasn't using and din't have any drugs in his car. Whether or not he commited the robbery he'd still be in lots of trouble. I'm sorry he was treated that way but maybe just the tought of being in the situation was enough to keep him in good shape. I hope he feels better soon.
MH
Just asking, but has your son ever thought about Suboxone? My younger brother has been using it since Thanksgiving because the Methadone was too hard for him to taper off of.
This is a late comment but haven't been on the internet in a bit. I was wondering if you would have called statins (which probable harms more people then it helps) antidepressents and all the other medications that are "Frickin' poison" to the body like you called methadone. People take medication to treat an illness which addiction is. Research shows it is a "brain disease" and can be treated with medication. b may never get off of some type of medication that attaches to his recepter sites to kill the craving. After a while it will be a 1 month trip (12 times a year) to the methadone clinic to get his bottles. This "Frickin' poison" is saving your sons life. I don't mean to come off harsh. I know you said it out of pure frustration for what happened. I think about you and B often while in work a few times a week. I need to catch up on your blog.
Post a Comment