Sunday, October 28, 2012

Long Time Gone

 procrastination meter
 I love you guys! I know that sounds superficial, but how else do I say that I am grateful for the emails and comments that you've left for me to read.  

It has been two-and-a-half months since I've logged on to this blog. Whoa! I had some comments to approve and post.

Where have I been?

Home. Surfing the next. Cooking. Baking. Resting.  Really, I've become such a homebody and rarely venture out.  My job drains me of my energy, plus I get up before dawn.

My son is okay.  Truly, he is.  Oh, I've received "hate mail" that my son isn't sober, because he's using suboxone.  Who wants to split hairs about this?

The way I see it-- my son isn't buying heroin.  He is thinking clearly, now.  He is still working at the same place-- almost three years, now.  He is paying rent. He has a small savings. He hasn't sold his big Plasma TV (that he bought himself), nor his video games.

I'll take my son, on suboxone, thank you very much.  He says he has no desire to use.

I have my son back.

I have been procrastinating writing to all of you who still read my blog.  I have so much to say! I've received emails and comments from parents of addicts and from addicts.

I think I find it hard to log on to this blog, because it sometimes feels as though I'm ripping off a scab, from a wound that has taken a very long time to heal.

Last weekend, I took my son with me for a weekend in San Francisco.  We stayed at a nice hotel.  He said it was weird to be so close to the Tenderloin District, where he used to score drugs. For a quick moment, he said, he had thoughts of using-- and just as quickly, he said it was gone.

He made me very happy, dressed nicely, as my guest at a very swanky dinner.  The women loved him! He was polite, well-spoken and absolutely nobody would ever guess that he was once addicted to oxy-contin and heroin.  They don't need to know, either.

I wish I could write more, and I so hope to write again-- very soon.  I received a comment from a drug addict who had an ax to grind about his lot in life.  He didn't sugar-coat words with me.

I'll share it next time.

You know, when people attack my faith in God...or attack how I handled my son's addiction-- I try to let it roll off my back.  I cannot allow them to steal my joy.

You see, I realized something really important, today.

The key to my joy-- despite all that I've been through-- is that I maintain an attitude of gratitude. I have stopped being a victim.  I complain, still-- but I catch myself doing it.

I remind myself of the things that are so important to me.  While my son will always be a drug addict-- he alive, and living at home with us. He is polite and respectful.  We have healed our rifts and I have forgiven him.

I am married to a wonderful man, who is kind and loving.  We are thankful for our house, jobs, finances, family and friends.

I no longer worry about what people think of me being the parent of a drug addict.  I will take what's happened as life experience-- and if I can encourage anyone, then none of this was in vain.

I will never apologize, nor feel intimidated that I love the Lord with all my heart, mind and strength. I do not want to be judgmental of others (though, I battle with that often).   I wish I had the gift of ministry, but I have so much to learn.

My stomach is rumbling, and that means I need to cook dinner.

I'll try not to stay away so long.  I pray for so many of you.

If I have not responded to your email or comments-- please forgive me.  I mean to, but time seems to have kept me from doing so.   Time flies too fast for me!