I love you, son, but "no"

These are words I need to put into practice. Tough love is a difficult thing to do. It makes sense, of course. You love the addict, but you need to disconnect from their manipulative ways. Enabling your addict/child is what every therapist tells you not to do. Yes, that makes sense.

However, it is much easier said than done. I love my son, very much. He knows that, too. I will go as far as saying that I don't think my son is consciously aware that he tries to manipulate me. He's intelligent, he's charming and he has a really warm and friendly smile. I've lost count at how many times, he's made my resolve melt.

This time, I have to be extra strong. As far as I know, B will be discharged from detox (tomorrow, Tuesday) and I am assuming that he is going to be living with his father.

I have also got to disconnect from B's dad. We have been divorced for 12 years. I'm happy that I have found peace in that, and that I do not harbor any hatred or bad feelings towards him. We are simply two very different people. We have both moved on in our lives, re-marrying different people. I am very happy in my marriage. I don't know what goes on in his, and it is none of my business.

I have tried, in vain, to educate B's father on addiction. I need to stop trying to do that. It is for B's father to make his own choices. I don't agree with them, but I will only make myself crazy if I continue to try and explain to B's dad that he is still very co-dependent with my son. He enables him. I know B's dad believes he is doing the right thing, and that he loves his son. I can see the pain and worry that B's father has. What B's dad cannot understand is that he is actually harming my son by enabling him. 'Nuff said.

B knows he can't come to live with me. I would only consider that if he has a job and he pays me rent-- and, he agrees to random drug testing. For those reasons, B cannot live with me.

I am expecting B to need something from me-- usually, it costs money.

I love you son, but the answer is "no".

I am standing by, knowing my phone will ring at anytime.