Monday, April 14, 2008

The early stages of Bs addiction and a WARNING LABEL

I am hoping that what I'm about to write will reach very deep into the heart and soul of any parent who suspects, or knows that they're child/teenager is "using". I want this statement to jump out of this page, grab your attention and I am, I am PLEADING, with you to listen!

Here is what I have finally come to learn about addicts. Are you ready?
They are master manipulators. They lie. They will look at you, deep into your eyes and they will work right to your heart-- they will tell you whatever it is that they know you want to hear.

Are you with me?

I clearly remember the day that my son first admitted, to me, that he had a "problem" and that he had been using Oxy-Contin. That was January of 2006, just a few day after I returned from my honeymoon. I can still remember that moment-- seeing my son looking at me nervously. My heart just reached out to him. I deperately wanted to be "cool" about it. I did not want to yell and scream at him. So, I listened to his story. It wasn't pretty, I can tell you.

All that my mind could hear was that my son was in trouble. He owed money to someone, and I was afraid for his safety. So, I made a decision that was one of many-- do I give my son "dirty money" to pay his "dirty debt" so that I don't have to lay awake at night? He took the money, and I made him pay it back. I was in my early stages of denial-- denial of how serious a problem he had.

B professed that he was through. He was not going to use anymore.

In the meantime, his step-father and I "googled" to read about the drug, Oxy-Contin. No matter what we read, I had no idea just how addictive and dangerous this drug is. Parents BEWARE:
Oxy-Contin is highly addictive! There is one more warning that I never saw on the internet-- please stop and think about this... how is your child/teenager/family member/loved one getting this drug? Unless they have a trust account or they have won the lottery, these pills cost as much as $50.00 each. As my memory serves me, B was taking several of these a day. Do the math...

I don't want to scare you, and yet I need to make you very aware of something I never considered. An oxy-contin addict can resort to stealing, pawning and selling everything that has any kind of cash value. I began to realize the depth of Bs addiction when he sold the $1000.00 laptop that his father helped him to buy. BIG, big, BIG warning sign!
NOTE: By this time, B was not living at home with me.

I take a small comfort in that B never stole from me. I would know, because I count my last penny! No valuables ever went missing from my home.

But there is one more thing for you to realize-- this is huge. In order to afford this addiction, the addict will probably need to resort to dealing the drug. If your child/loved one resorts to dealing, try to visualize the chain of command. Small time dealer, bigger dealer and then you can place your bet that it will lead to gangs. It's that dark and ugly of a world. Because street drugs are big money, illegal and a greedy profit.

With that said, I have much to share with you in future blogs. I've had two years of believing that B was doing much better. I kept looking for a glimmer of improvement in him. He was enrolled in college (dropped out, though). He was getting out of bed early. He was playing golf (and he's good at it). He was talking "down" about people who "used".

Yes, I believed it all. I listened to my son talk about how much he hated drugs. I believed that he does (and I still do). He was spiraling towards a relapse that I didn't see coming soon enough.

And here we are. Day #13 that my son is in a detox/recovery center.

I did not take his addiction seriously enough. I knew that my son needed professional help. But I kept hoping that he was doing this on his own will power.

He can't. It is not possible.

If anyone, who is reading this post, has someone in their life who is using drugs-- I beg you! Out-patient doesn't work. It just doesn't. Take them far away. Pray a lot, and never give up.

But, please... go to any or all of these resources for meetings-- Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or Celebrate Recovery. Educate yourself. Learn about co-dependency.

Because we love our kids so much, we tend to blame ourselves. We need to learn how to be strong and to see how we are enabling their addiction.

I have a long and difficulty process ahead of me. I think the hard times will happen the day that B leaves this medical facility. I need to be strong and able to say "no" to enabling B's addiction.

I could not do this without my faith in God, my husband and my precious friends.

I already know of a few parents who are thinking that they can help their addict with their recovery. That's where his father and I failed him. We did not use "tough love" until it was too late.

Be strong. Pray for our kids, please. They need intervention.

In Jesus' Name,


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

From what I have observed in addicts (either alcohol or drugs), the disease of addiction is based on deceit and deception. The disease lies to family and friends. But most importantly, the disease lies to the person who is using. It creates denial within the user as a protection from being found out. If the disease is exposed, it weakens.