Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Summer Time Thoughts

 It's not officially summer, but I'm ready.  The school year has ended, and in one week I will be on my four week summer break. Amen.

Every day I pray with thanks that my son is doing so well.  His life is "steady".  He still has the same job (two years), and really likes it.  He has entirely new friends.  B keeps things really simple. He sleeps in, plays his X-Box online, gets ready for work right as I'm headed home from work.  He comes home, repeats cycle.

B is no trouble at all.  He pretty much lives in his room, with the big Plasma TV that he saved his money to buy.  He's respectful and I believe he's not using. #1 Sign - he has money. All the time. He doesn't ask me, or his father, for a penny.  He pays the rent on time, and never complains.  His car always has gas.

I'm not bragging at all. I'm rejoicing.  Sometimes, I allow myself to go back in time-- as little as six months ago.  B was always broke.  I try not to do this, very often, but if I really go back in time-- like five years ago-- I don't think I've ever felt so afraid of anything in my life.

These were dark times.

For anyone who is reading my blog... those of you who have emailed me... I hope that I never, EVER forget those times.  I hope that my son never does.

There is hope.

Though those Dark Times, my faith grew even stronger. I learned to cry out to God, and to learn what it means to talk to God.  I learned how to draw closer to Him.  I learned how to really pray.  I mean, get down on my knees and pray.  I learned how to close my eyes and tell God how afraid I was.  I learned how to trust Him.

Every so often, I get anonymous comments telling me what a fool I am to believe in Jesus/God.  It doesn't offend me at all.  If anything, I pray for that person.

A while back ago, I started to share my very personal past, that would lead up to my own testimony as to why I believe in a God that I cannot see. I believe in a God, whose audible voice I've never heard. I have discovered the treasures in God's Word, and yes-- I believe in all those "Fairy Tales" in the bible.

I was once an Agnostic.  I once thought that God was all a hoax.  I had resigned my life to be one where I would do what I want, when I want. I convinced myself that when I die, I die. End of the line.

But God had plans. I've been through a lot of personal pain and betrayal in my life.  It prepared me for the day I found out that my son was addicted to drugs.

My son's addiction gave me deep roots in my faith.   My son has been spared from a certain death or incarceration, and I give all the glory to God.

So, if you're an Atheist, and you want to attack my faith-- go ahead!  Hit me with your best punch.  It won't change who I am.   I take that back...

God has changed who I was.

I pray that those of you who are feeling so afraid...so lost... who feel that there is no hope-- that you would know that I was once there.

God is my rock, my fortress, my hope.

I pray that for each of you.  Every day.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much. I'm still here.

Hopefully, this summer break, I will have more time to write.


Anonymous said...

Thank you, Our story is simular,P's Mom exept we just got the truth,I have great Hope.Please keep the prayer and I will pray for B.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad your son is clean...and starting his life fresh.
My daughter is now in a treatment facility . Slims detox was pretty bad... But she came thru she is almost 30 days clean. My husband and I are visiting with her she seems content. Big word Honesty that's the beginning . She opened up unbelievable this little girl was taking 12 30mg oxy a day Yes Debby there is a God he has saved my daughter . Blessed are those who have faith. Enjoy ur summer

smackhead said...

hi there, i dont know you at all and im not putting this link to my blog on yours to get extra hits or anything like that-i dnt advertise on my blog and im not too big on pageviews and all that kinda crap. I just started writing down my thoughts so that people/parents can understand that its really no fun or games to be addicted to anything(im 32 & ive been addicted for 18yrs(mandrax, coke, meth, rocks, alcohol, prescription meds, sniffing glue basically anything that buzzes) 10 of those to heroin & 8 of the 10 to shooting up).i just want to share my rollercoaster ride of hate, anger, helplessness, being sick and tired, frustration and thoughts of suicide to anyone who wants to learn and or have a bit of understanding towards what we go through. So just check out the link, dont publish the comment, just see what we really go through. Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Prone to wandering said...

This is touching. I feel a little better about myself. You're a wonderful caring mother. Don't lose hope.

Eddie Red said...

Thank you for sharing. My story is similar to yours but I was not able to help my loved one on my own. I wasn't equipped with the proper tools. We got help from a structured sober living called New Life House. Check out their website fi your family is in need. http://www.newlifehouse.com

cecilia58 said...

I can say with experience that it's a heart-wrenching process to learn to stop enabling your own child's addiction... My son is going through a drug rehab as I write, and it's made me see the miracles that faith and prayer can create. It's as though he's come back from the dead. Thank you for sharing and I'll keep you and your son in my prayers.