Saturday, May 30, 2009

How to be clean and dirty at the same time

I am totally perplexed. Honestly, I do not know what to say or think.

My husband found a lot of really incriminating evidence. It doesn't look good. We found foils with traces of heroin, straws in all kinds of places in B's room. They weren't hidden very well. They were in the trash and under his bed. When we confronted them, he said they were old things.

When I asked him why he would keep these things he said that he was afraid to throw them out-- for fear that we'd thnk they were new. Of course, we asked for a urine test. We had him come out of the bedroom in his boxers. B asked if I wanted to frisk him, but it felt too weird.

I use drugs tests that his doctor confirms are accurate. I buy them online. It comes with a sealed cup and a temperature monitor. My husband used my accurate food thermomenter (Ewwwwww) and it was 103F. This made my husband very nervous. My husband also said that the urine looked really cloudy-- with a lot of sediment.

The test came out clean for THC, Cocaine and Opiates.

What is going on? To make things worse, my husband inspected B's golf bag. He found a bottle that smelled and looked like a small trace of urine. The lid had burn marks. So, is it possible that he's storing clean pee and heating it with a lighter? Is he sneaking this into the bathroom?

What's really weird is that I had another of of my dreams-- just like when I was in Hawaii last October. In Hawaii, I dreamed that my son was laughing at me and saying he'd be using all the time. It was such a vivid dream, that I woke up with a terrible sense of forboding. I blogged about that-- that I turned on my cellphone to talk to my son. B told me it freaked him out, because that was the very day he started using again.

Last Monday, I had a similar dream. I dreamt that my son was laughing at me, saying that he'd been lying about his sobriety this whole time.

I told my husband and B that I'd had another one of those dreams. I've been watching B all week. He seems nervous -- smoking a lot more cigarettes than usual. He's been nodding off-- with his mouth open. This is typical behavior of someone who is using. How do I know this? At B's treatment center, this is how many of the addicts look during the meetings we attended. Those who were going through detox kept nodding off-- their heads bobbing up and then they'd nod out again.

All of this week, B has been gone more-- ever since he got his car insurance back.

Things are worse, too. B is in debt again. Not a whole lot. In some ways, it could be innocent. He missed out on four days of work, due to illness. So, his paycheck has been short. I've made him pay rent anyway, because that's the way life is. My son hates being without money, so he borrows from friends. He's been playing golf, which I know he could not afford.

He finally told me, today, that he's been stressing about it. He wrote a check at his job for $40.00, but his bank account is overdrawn by $20.00. I prayed about it, and loaned him the money to pay this off, so he wouldn't get fired. The last thing my son needs is to lose his job. In return, he wrote that he agrees to hand over his paycheck to me and I will handle his finances until all debt is wiped clean again. Plus, we took his golf clubs as collateral.

Then again, he could be in debt because he's using.

To add insult to injury, his job just called. All employees who work the lotto booth, at his job, are called in for an emergency meeting $800.00 has gone missing from the lotto booth-- all during a power failure yesterday. The cameras were out during these two hours. B is a nervous wreck.

My son is an addict and he lies. But, I can say that my son is not a thief. If he was, I would have found money missing long ago. My son has never stolen cash from us, nor any kind of valuables. I know this, for a fact. I've never found cameras, computers, laptops, jewelry, checks nor cash missing. Ever. B chose, instead, to fund his drug addiction by selling his own possession and/or dealing drugs.

B says that a new guy was hired, who he thought was kind of shady. Perhaps this guy is the thief. If my son is innocent, we reminded him that he can't be fired for lack of proof. Still, it's all too much for me.

If anyone, who is a drug addict, is reading this-- please enlighten me on how someone can test clean but use drugs at the same time. And, if I see my son taking suboxone under his tongue and that he can't talk because it's dissolving-- can you still smoke heroin?

Dear God,

I am praying for truth. I am praying that you will reveal, to my son, that you are an all-knowing and all-seeing God. I pray that my son will admit the truth to himself and to you. I pray, Lord, that you will reveal the truth to us-- his mom and his stepdad. If my son is really using drugs, I pray that you will give us courage, strength and wisdom to know what to do. If my son has relapsed, again, I pray that he will find the strength to seek the professional help that he needs. If my son is telling the truth, and he is not using drugs, I pray that you will help us to encourage him with his sobriety.

I pray for the addicts who are struggling with their sobriety, Lord. I pray that you will help them to know that nothing is impossible for you-- and that they would come before You, Almighty Father-- and know that you love them and that can help them to battle the demon of addiction.

I pray for the family and loved ones of drug addicts. I pray that God will give them encouragement and wisdom.

I will post an update as soon as I know what's going on. To my family and loved ones-- please don't call me about this. I do not want to talk about it. I appreciate your prayers and your love. Just read the blog. This is why I started this over a year ago.

I am afraid, yet I know that God is with me.


Anonymous said...

Urine cover-ups are very common, usually sold in head shops which are then usually sought after by people who want THC cleared out of your system. You drink about 16oz of the liquid, and your next urine movement is 'covered'. Many drug tests also test for cleansers such as these, to detect things like that.. but, it sounds like you're not using equipment that would be found in a medical lab. I would say it's almost certain it's possible to avoid detection of use (in home-tests and other in-house drug tests)by using these cleansers.

Also, there is a product out there that is a tube attached to a 'bladder'(plastic container), that straps underneath the waist line. This also has a heater which is attached to the bladder, making temperature checks undetectable.

Avoiding at-home drug checks is actually very easy, and the best way to get a solid, 100% positive answer is to have a lab run the sample, or make him test in the birthday suit!

hope this helps!

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous---
Thank you for your input. I should have been a lot more specific:
My son admitted that he was smoking weed and/or hash to help him deal with his sobriety. We told him that no drugs, means no drugs. He recently tested clean for THC.

I am aware of what a "whizzer" is. That's why our son has to wear his boxers and his stepdad watches over the "deed".

I am aware that there are pills to hide opiate use with drug tests, though they are very expensive.

I keep wondering if my son is using, why? He can't afford to buy it, doesn't have anything left to sell and he doesn't earn enough money to buy it.

Then again, addiction is a crazy cycle that doesn't have any sound logic to it.


Dad and Mom said...

This is Mom of "Dad & Mom". We started reading your blog when we were first starting to look for help and info because your story is almost identical. I could have wrote your last blog. We have been there. I have found the evidence of our son on more than one occasion using - finding foil, black soot, empty oxycontin pkg, even needles. Our son always told us they were old, he didn't want to tell us for fear that we would not think they were old. Our rule was if we found any more drugs or paraphnal he was out. That was our boundary we had set and he knew it. The time before last he was on house arrest and we took him back to the "Center"- he broke probation and tonight is paying for it. Judge sent him to jail for 10 days for breaking that probation. He had to do that before he could go to The Center. My point is he knew that I checked his room daily and yet he would tell us that. This last time when we called the police - he had been drinking vinegar - something that he had started doing lately - I guess to pass his drug test for his probation. Only thing is his Probation Officer said that he had failed his last one, so i do not think the vinegar was working. All it was doing was making him sick.
Our son had sold all his belongings. He had no money , no job, yet he could find a way to get the drugs. I think he sold drugs, sometimes. I know that he stole his dad's woodworking tools and took them to the pawn shop. Dad saw some of his tools there once. He never would admit to any of it.
I guess what I am trying to show you is that our sons are doing the same thing. They do not know each other, heck we live in the Kansas!, and yet both boys are doing and saying the same thing.
Many people have said that I was to soft, in denial. But it really wasn't that. I knew he was using, I just didn't know what to do with him. NA group says put him out on the street, I could not do that. Dad and I did that couple of times, once he stayed in his truck for several days. Once he stayed in our shed out back and we did not know it for several days. I think he got the idea from the book "Tweek". i had it and he had read it. This time we got lucky (if you can call it that) he was on probation for shoplifting so the law is going to try and make him go clean through The Center. I hope that works, but you never know if he is ready to take the tough road. We can only hope. Since your son is not in trouble with the law, I am not sure what else you can do. If you make boundaries and he crosses them, should you put him out, send him to like a Salvation Army - our son went there for a short time ( we couldn't afford to send him to rehab for a 3rd time).For sure some kind of Intervention needs to happen, other wise he is going to continue to use, just like our son was .

My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family. If you need to talk we are here for you. I know that it is a difficult road our families are traveling right now.

Anonymous said...

Maybe have him start wearing tight underwear during the tests, and you and him and hubby go through his room throwing out any 'old' paraphenalia, not cleaning, just going through things (finding possible hiding spots) and tossing. Of course don't leave his room any messier than it may be, but don't make it into a full on cleaning session.