Friday, May 8, 2009

One Day At a Time is a victory-- and what about ADD?

I just received an email from someone who lives in my area, who has started her own blog about her son's addiction (I will add her link to this blog). Her story is so similar to what I experience one year ago, in April.

I haven't been blogging here, nearly as much as I once did. Instead, I've been focusing most of my time on my food blog. Like Ron on "Dad & Mom", I find that my hobby/passion for cooking, baking and photography is my therapy. As strange as it sounds, I find chopping and focusing on a recipe and photographing how I create a dish gives me a sense of calm. My son and husband know that this is me being in "the zone".

Overall, my son is doing very well. It has been almost five months since my son has tested positive for opiates. He is taking suboxone and, last week, he still tested positive for THC. From what I've read, it can take as much as five weeks for the THC to clear his system-- which is right about when my son admitted he was smoking weed.

Now that my son is staying clean and sober, I am noticing a lot of behavior about him that is leading me to think he has ADD. There are divided camps on this issue-- those who says it doesn't exist and those who say it does. The more I read about addiction, and talk to other addicts, I can see that many addicts are bi-polar. I'm also reading that ADD isn't uncommon, either, with addiction.

Why do I suspect my son has ADD? He loses things, constantly. He's forgetful. He's distracted, easily. He's gung-ho to do something one day, and the next he's balloon has deflated. He doesn't remember my asking him to do something. He's flaky. He's unmotivated.

I just assumed he was lazy and that his years of drug use has affected his brain. Now, I'm wondering... could he have ADD?

My son won't go in for an evaluation with a reputable psychiatrist. He believes ADD doesn't exist.

What I don't think is that ADD is a badge of shame. Like addiction, I want to find out and talk to parents of addicts who also have diagnosed ADD. I'd like to hear your stories...

My son lost his wallet...again. Both times, he had cashed his weekly paycheck and he's lost almost $200.00. We drug tested him, believe me... daily...and he's come up "clean". He's just as airhead.

The good news is that my son has not been able to drive is car since March 9th (except for the one night he got mad and peeled out of the driveway and returned about 2 hours later...sheepish and apologetic as he handed me his car keys). Without a car, my son is unable to even think about buying drugs. My house isn't in town, so we are isolated. I like it that way.

B was without a cellphone for almost six weeks. He lost it, you see. I was elated, because his phone number was put on suspension (by his father). That means, anyone who wanted to contact my son to buy or sell drugs, wouldn't be able to get through. Thank you, God!

My son is loving his job, and the managers are very happy with him. B is a very personable young man, who has great manners so he is thriving with the daily contact with customers. He appreciates the weekly financial worksheet I designed for him-- he is learning how to calculate his income, expenses and he is paying us rent (which goes into a savings account for him).

B is being a great roommate, actually. He's chatty and helpful, when asked to do something. I really can't complain.

I still get frustrated at his procrastination in some areas, but I am working on not putting such high expectations on how my son should do things.

As far as my marriage-- we are doing well. My husband and I reached a point where B was driving us nuts. He's high maintenance-- constantly forgetting small things, like locking his window when he leaves for work...losing the house key and then finding it... eating me out of house and home, and not mentioning he polished off the milk. He needs rides to and from places, and he's a bull in a china shop-- breaking things.

Finally, my husband and I had to make a pact, that we need to realize that B has a long road ahead of him and we need to not let this cause us to fight. We cannot allow the addiction to take over our lives and our joy.

I'm going to quit blogging, for tonight. My son is a few feet away and chatting away. See what I mean? On one hand, I'm happy he's safe and with us. On the other hand, I miss my quiet home.

I try to remind myself-- despite all the drama my son brings into this house, I'm so thankful that he's not in prison, in a mental institution or living on the streets.

If you are reading my blog for the first time, my journey has been a rough one. I'm appreciating my son's sobriety-- but like many parents of addicts, I struggle with the fear and lack of trust that my son is "chipping" on drugs and has been tricking us. I cannot allow fear to affect my joy.

Till later,

Debby (who has no time to proof read for typos or grammatical mistakes)

1 comment:

Fractalmom said...

oddly enough, the oldest granddaughter was diagnosed with ADHD. in reading about it, there i was sitting in the doctors office...and i about fell out of my chair.

it said....

a whopping 75% of undiagnosed people who grow up with adhd will end up abusing drugs, usually the type of drugs that 'slow' you down. they get to the point that they cannot stand the fast rate at which their brain works when everyone else does not think as they do etc.

having had adhd all my life, but not knowing about it for years and years I thought it was normal to think of seven or eight things at a time ALL THE TIME.

In talking to my daughter the heroin addict (and mother to the child who has adhd) she told me that yes, she did take drugs to slow down to normal speed.

not an excuse. still don't even think it's an illness, heroin addition. i still maintain it's a really bad lifestyle choice.

but, i can understand the adhd thingy. and, i think the odds are the booklet ws right.

if you google percentage of undiagnosed adhd people who go on to use heroin, i wonder what you would get?