Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Three Year Blogoversary and My Best Advice

 Work is very busy, and I have only a few minutes to write. Today, is my three year anniversary since I've started this blog. This blog of mine feels like I'm visiting an old neighborhood. The surroundings have changed a lot. Familiar neighbors have moved out and left (bloggers from my past) and new ones have moved in.

My old home looks familiar, and yet I don't come here often any more. The memories are of what feels a lifetime ago. So much has happened in three years.

I have moved into a new life-- one filled with a lot more wisdom. I have found more compassion and understanding about how the addict's mind works. I learned it from my son. We have reconnected as mother and son, and he is very open with me. I barely hang out with my old friends, addiction, codependency, and enabling. I have new friends, Hope, Prayer, Compassion, and Strength, who help me through tough times.

My marriage is good, and has weathered one of the biggest storms that has hit our life. Still, I know that another storm of life could hit me at any time. I have moved into a new life, built on the foundation of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is my Rock. Without my faith in God, I seriously doubt I could have come through this painful time in my life as well as I have. I give ALL the Glory to God. I cannot doubt his existence, as He has protected my son is ways that are nothing short of miraculous.

Today, I received this anonymous comment:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Three Years Later...":


I am sitting here crying because I don't know what to do. Every day just gets worse. Where do I go for help? My son just lies and steals and ruins every moment of peace in my home.

To those of you who do read my blog, I invite you to leave your own advice. Hopefully, "Anonymous" will check back.

My advice to you, Anonymous-- find out where the closest Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting is.  Find out if you have a support group in your area for those who have addicts in their lives.  Please try to learn as much about addiction as you can, and you need support.  I highly recommend reading the "An Addict in my Son's Bedroom" blog-- Ron's link is on my blogroll on the right side bar.  Ron is a brilliant writer, great parent and can help you with advice and direction.  There are other bloggers I have found, listed. Please pay them a visit. You may write to me, at any time, too.

"My Beautiful Boy" is a book that I began to read about a week after my son went into rehab.

Learn. Pray. Hope.  Please learn about codependency and addiction.  You need to quickly learn that you cannot "save" your son.  You cannot "cure" your son.  The process will be hard and painful, Dear Parent, but you are fighting to put your son into a position where he has to realize he needs to seek help.  You need to take care of yourself.  You will cry a lot of tears, I am sorry to say.  That is why you need support.  If you have a spiritual foundation, and have a church group you can go to-- please do.  "Celebrate Recovery" is a great program for people like you.


Like me... you can consider starting a blog. Just like I did, three years ago today.  It helped me a LOT to know that there are people out there, walking the same road that I have.  You need support.

You need to educate yourself, because an addict's addiction can destroy families.  You have the power to stop that, but it will take work.   There is hope. Please know that. Three years ago, today, I was a puddle of tears.  I was a hurting mom.  Today, I have wisdom, and I hope someday to pay it forward and help someone in my situation. Could it be you? 

May you feel the power and presence of God's love right now,

5 comments:

Dad and Mom said...

Debby,

Thank you so much for the compliments. I don't want it to come out wrong but I wouldn't trade all of my fellow blogger counselors for anything in the world, you saved my life. But, I wish I had never met any of you.

I am so glad you are in a good place with your son and there is peace in your family.

Ron

Gledwood said...

I'm not that sure what codependency actually is (you know, the ins and outs of it) but I think I lived in a codependent relationship for 2.5 years when this woman took me in off the street and looked after some of my habit (more than she could afford) and I still went out begging and did all else I could manage to rustle up the heroin I needed. When I look back I was in junkie paradise ~ nobody asking for my drugs, nobody stealing them. But it was also hell living like that. We relied on each other utterly and it was horrible.

Happy bloggiversary and congratulations on making those "new friends".

I always think once kids are over 18 they shouldn't really be living at home, especially if they have a habit. I don't know how old anonymous's kid is but if he's over 18 she(?) wants to think about that...

Tori said...

I have only been doing this almost one year... started the blog a few weeks after we did the "failed" intervention and removed him from our home at the tender age of 19. First few months were pure hell and the worst thing I could've have done was to let him back in - I didn't because of all the fellow bloggers that helped me to understand how dangerous that could be. I hope this person at least reads blogs and knows they are not alone. I have grown so much that although my son is still using and I still worry I am finally laughing more and crying much less. Books, books and more books. I have read so many great books "beautiful boy" being one of many and they are a great help. Al-anon is as well. It is amazing how much help there is for all of us. I am so happy that things are going well for you and your son.

John said...

There is a FDA approved drug called Vivitrol. It is an opiate blocker that is administered as a shot. It lasts 30 days. It is manufactured by the company Alkermes. It has saved my son's life, and brought peace and hope back into our family. He is on his 6th shot this month and doing well. My name is John, and my wife is Beverly. I've kept this short, but we want to do everything we can to help all those who want help and advise. I can be reached at johngronvall@gmail.com.

Gledwood said...

Hi I've just stumbled back over this post several weeks later:~~~~~~~

I think the best thing Anonymous can do is go to those groups for the parents and families of addicts. I think the one here in the UK is called AdFam.

And I can vouch that Dad and Mom's blog like you say is an excellent resource and meeting place for other parents. Dad is a wise man with a lot of good advice.