Saturday, August 9, 2008

Feeling behind, overwhelmed but thankful

Dear Friends, Family and the anonymous people who are reading this blog:

I am feeling a lot of pressure because my daily life schedule feels so out of balance. It's ironic that I had the entire month of July off work. I had the privilege of sleeping in for a month. I cherish my quiet mornings, so to have the house to myself (except for two cats who seemed to bask in the glory of having a human at home during the day) I had all kinds of plans and goals I wanted to accomplish.

What I did not expect was that the month long vacation would vanish faster than I imagined. While I managed get my house clutter cleared away, I found myself feeling unfocused. My daily morning times reading the Word, prayerfully got interrupted with a list of things I needed to do.

I was not putting God first in my life. This blog is an important part of keeping a spiritual attitude about my son's addiction and I just couldn't find the mental energy I needed to write.

I have received two emails from mothers who are going through the same situation that I am in. Every day, I wanted to write back to them and share my encouragement and compassion with them-- but the day slipped by and so I promised that I'd do it the next morning. I never did.

A mother that I met through the high school, where I work, wrote a lengthy and encouraging update about her son. I flagged that email to respond to her. I never did.

A family member wrote a wonderful email to me, so I flagged that to respond to. I never did.

So, why am I acting like a flake? That is so not like me! I strongly believe that the evil forces of nature-- The Enemy-- will stop at nothing to distract me from putting God first in my life. I know that the Dark One is clever, cunning and I think I've not kept myself spiritually fit. I have allowed my "I'll do it when I am finished with this..." excuses to keep me from staying in touch with God first. No wonder I don't feel His peace!

So, today, I am stopping my household duties long enough to post this blog. I want to say to each and every one of you-- you are all in my thoughts and my prayers. Many of you are struggling with dealing with an addict. I want you to know, that every morning, I lift up in prayer to God that He will encourage all of you who are dealing with the pain and helplessness that we feel when a loved one is using drugs and/or alcohol. I am praying for Connor, Colby, John, Debbie and the faceless addicts who have an addiction demon that only our Higher Power can help them to fight against.

I am praying for the families who cannot afford to put their loved one into an in-patient treatment program. The costs are astounding, and I don't know what options there are for those who don't have insurance. I thank the Lord that our insurance took care of B's bill, except for 10% The final cost of his detox/recovery treatment came to $36,000.00. That does not include the $10,000 in costs to help my son stay away from his home town. That was only possible because my mother left my son a trust fund that I carefully invested into the bank.

I have saved the emails that have been sent to me to my personal emails. It is my deepest desire to respond to each one of them. They mean a great deal to me.

I have much to write, but a very quick summary (for I must finish my chores) is:

B has been offered a job that sounds too good to be true. Yes, that's a cliche' and I sincerely hope that this is something that God has as His plan for my son. He would work for a Formula Mazda Race Team just five minutes from his apartment in Benicia. From what B told me, he will be training the be the owner's right hand person. Basically, he will be a "glorified gopher" and his starting salary would be enough for him to afford his apartment and his basic needs. He will travel 3 out of 4 weeks a month with the 18-wheeler that transports the race cars. That is all I know, for now. So, he wants to stay in Benicia.

I thank the Lord that my son is no longer considering moving to Nevada. I have prayed that my son would understand that to "freeload" off people by living with them without a job, is not the moral thing to do.

B is excited and I am happy for him.

I have concerns, though, of course. Is he using? I don't know. I don't see him often enough. However, I do not hear his slurred and rapid speech that was common he he was loaded on oxy-contin.

He is returning phone calls, promptly. When he was using, he only called me with an emergency reason why he needed money. That's not happening, from me. His father, though, still gives my son money. I am at peace with that, because that is his father's decision.

My son did spend last weekend with us, and he went to church with us. I am thankful, that my son is a believer in Jesus Christ. Is he a follower? I think he's still in the Prodigal Son mode, but I think he wants to find a church in his area.

One quick note: "Pastor", thank you for your anonymous encouragement. Please email me, privately, as I do not have your email!

My timer just went off, so I must return to work. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I will strive to do a better job answering your emails.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Keep on believing and praying, together.