So, today, I want to address one of the blogs that I value, highly. It's from "Dad" of the blog "Dad & Mom". I value what Dad has to say. He has a son who is an opiate addict. His son has put them through far more than my own has. From what I gather, this is a two-parent family who is successful. Dad is a smart business person. He writes well. So, here's what he wrote, in case you missed it. It's from my post dated November 7th, titled "Robbing Peter to Pay Paul":
I agree that $700 turns into $1000 and then to $10,000 and will not end. However I have one thing to add other than to just pray about it.I agree with this, "Dad". I recognize that, though my son has above average intelligence, he has no organizational skills. I see a lot of attention deficit disorder characteristics in B. He is always late for appointments, or forgets them altogether. He procrastinates. He loses things. B has been this way since junior high school. Is it drug-related? I think his drug use has made his lack of focus even worse.
I have found my son is sorely missing problem solving skills. I believe those skills really begin to develop at the age when he was heavily into drugs. When he comes to me asking questions such as your son was asking he may have been asking for help but only knew how to ask for money.
We take for granted our problem solving because it was learned so long ago. We are able to see OPTIONS. We are able to recognize helpless and hopeless and know the difference. My suggestion to you next time instead of responding with pray about it try to see if your son is receptive to teaching in a soft manner.
Our son's must learn to problem solve without the only answer to them being "oh well nothing is ever going to work so I might as well get high." Teach about goal setting, teach about developing action plans, teach about measuring progress. Isn't there something in the bible about giving a fish or teaching to fish?
The last time that B lived with us, I bought hima really nice leather-bound organizer. I gave him a palm pilot which he lost (it was a cheap one I got as a free gift from a bank, so I don't think he sold it). We have a large calendar where I write down appointments and reminders-- they have colored stickers. I even designed a user-friendly work sheet for my son-- for him to calculate his monthly expenses. It's so simple to use, that all he has to do is write down how much his paycheck is. There are columns where he tracks his rent, gas, food, insurance. I even designed it where he can list his debts, and watch the balance owed decrease. He really liked it! He said it made him feel hope, when he could see that he could pay off a debt in "x" amount of paychecks. I even taught my son how to use Quicken and set up his checking account for him to download his transactions-- still, he kept overdrawing his account.
But, B tends to get excited about things...and then his interest wavers. Then, we're back to square one. He gives up using the tools I've taught him or given him.
Sometimes I see behavior in my son, that is just like his father. I know, I know...it sounds like I'm pointing fingers. Hold on-- please keep reading. B's father is 63 years old. He had two inheritances that came into his life-- significant amounts of money. Every penny is gone, from bad business decisions and extravagant spending. His father has no retirement savings. He is over $150,000 in debt, with no chance of being financially sound again. His father cannot get a job. His father is suffering from near-blindness from his diabetes. His father smokes 2 packs of cigarettes-- a day, against doctor orders, and he cannot quit. His father has always suffered from depression. Sadly, I don't think B's father has many more years to live. In fact, B's father hit such a low blood sugar, this weekend, that the paramedics were called in. He almost died.
This was the demise of our marriage-- financial problems. My husband hid our debt from me, until it was too late. I'm the polar opposite in how I handle/honor money. I seem to have inherited my mother's organizational skills. I'm married to a man who is one of those employees that are worth their weight in gold. We are not rich, but we are not in debt. We figured out how to do it. Want to know how? We spend less money then we earn! We pay our credit cards, in full, every month.
My son has wasted thousands of dollars with is inability to manage money. Even when B was dealing drugs, he spent all of his money. He sold everything he ever owned, to drug debt. Had I not charged my son rent, while living with us, and put half into a savings for B to move into his own place...he would be on the streets right now.
But, there is hope. B is paying his rent. He's eeking by. My husband and I do believe that B doesn't want to use. We see his shame and desperation -- and maybe he's close to finally accepting the help that is there for him.
My son asks me for advice. I offer it, if asked. I make sure to watch how lengthy my answers are. I am careful to not sound condescending. Sometimes, my son receives it. Sometimes, I think I'm talking to an invisible spirit.
Yes, I can see the answers. I know exactly what my son needs to have a chance of finding sobriety. My son is so young, at 21. He is beginning to value my wisdom but comprehending it all is another matter.
I'm not sure what part of the bible that Dad is referring to. Is it the sermon on the Mount, where Jesus fed the crowds with a few loaves of bread and a few fish? Or, is it when Jesus says to his disciples, "Come and be fishers of men."?
The best self-help book that I own is my bible. I own a study bible-- New King James Version, to be exact. It has study notes on the bottom, to help me understand the Greek translations and to give me clarity on what some of the (sometime) confusing scriptures. When I read scripture, I find wisdom and God's promises to us. There are exactly 365 "Fear nots" written in the bible. It's true!
Prayer-- to me-- is my conversation to God. Many times, the bible says to "pray and ask" God. When I say that I am praying about something-- it is not my last resort. It is my first conversation. Prayer calms me down, when I am angry or afraid. Prayers gives me strength, because I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. This is a concept that non-believers don't understand.
I will never abandon prayer in all that I do. When I pray, the answers come. It's hard to explain, to non-believers. There is a book out called "A Case for Christ". It is written by Lee Strobel. He was a reporter for the Chicago Times and he was an atheist. He set out to disprove the bible-- that's it's all a fairy tale. In the end, he became a Christian. It's interesting how many people dismiss the significance of the bible. I often wonder why they dismiss it, having never read it! Have you? C.S. Lewis was an atheist. He went on to become a believer in Jesus Christ. The bible, to me, is God's story. I find it to be one of the most fascinating books ever written. It's rich in history and it is accurate. Predictions have been made, that are indisputably correct. Read Isaiah 53... what are the odds that Jesus's crucifixion was so accurately written long, long LONG before it happened.
I digress. I'm getting carried away. I can't help myself. I'm passionate about this topic, can you tell?
Things are bad with my son, today. He is refusing to take insulin and his blood sugars have soared into the 800's. His AIC (if you are in the medical field, you know what this is) is at 17. A normal one averages at a "7". My son could go blind, soon. His kidneys are in danger of being irreversably destroyed.
My son doesn't love himself. He is spiraling into a dangerous place.
I will blog about that another day. Right now, I am praying for my son with such a strength and conviction-- that I feel so close to God at this very moment. My son is in danger.
My name is Debby and my son is a Type I diabetic who is addiction to heroin.
God help us, please.