Saturday, May 22, 2010

May Blessings and an update


My husband and I took a nice drive 120 miles south of where we live to see the purple lupines and other wildflowers in full bloom.  That was in early April, but I can remember the sense of peace I felt-- knowing that my son was at work and that he would be moving back to our house in just a few days.  B has been living with us for a little over a month now.  It's been an interesting May, to say the least.  After eleven years of renting my home from a distant cousin, then remarrying to C... we finally bought the house!  It's been a huge decision to make, given that the economy hasn't been officially pronounced to be recession free.  We took advantage of the big tax credits, and we also thanked the Lord that we didn't buy the house during that crazy real estate frenzy.  The sale price of the house was HALF of what it was at the time people were pushing us to buy it.   We feel very blessed, though cash poor for a while-- and we'll certainly have to live frugally, until next tax year.  Thank you God!

The day after we closed escrow, I lost my job.  (Do I hear an "awwwwwww").  It's interesting how I took it all in.  The story is that I got "bumped".  It's a union term where someone with seniority can take someone's job if they are laid off or get their hours cut.  This person got cut from 40 to 36 hours, and thought they are 66 years old, they decided my job would be "fun".  I was devastated, mainly because I've grown so attached to the high school kids.  That night, I prayed that God would help me see the blessing in all of this. I cried, but C said we would move forward with the house.  The next day, I decided to take that person's job. Ultimately, I'm cut down to 36 hours per week.  The bummer is that I have to work a split shift-- 9am - 1pm, then 5pm till 9pm.

It took a few days to move from resentment to acceptance and then I found peace with it all.  My co-workers tell me that the person will last a month, at best. I'm saying it will last a year, and then they will retire.  Hopefully, I can come back.  'Nuff about me.

My son...  the last time I wrote was on Mother's Day, just two days before my job change happened.  B said something that was one of the biggest compliments he could have given me.  He said that he was so proud of me on how I handled what happened.  He said that he could see how much faith I have in God, and that I handled it so well.  That means a lot to me.  I'm so glad that he sees that.

Because of some connections I have, my son will be starting a second job tomorrow. He will return to the restaurant industry as a "busser".  Given that's in a part of town that is very affluent, with a lot of tourists, he should make really good money.  He is still working at the golf course, and he hopes to keep both jobs.

Is he using?  No, I don't think so. He is in the fifth month of methadone, but his blind taper has begun.  The plan is that by the end of June, he will no longer be using methadone.  FYI to those of you who are familiar with methadone treatment (I don't know all the "lingo"), he has always been on a very low dose, to begin with. I was told about 25mg a day. That's low, right?

B will have maintenance care for a month, which involves seeing the doctor and some blood work.

For the first time in two years, I really do believe that B has a very good chance of staying sober.  He has cut off ties with the friends he uses with.  He is home every night. His cellphone rarely rings.  Most importantly, the drama has ceased!  He's eating again and this is the best part-- he has become a loving son, and we are getting along.

He's still disorganized and procrastinates.  He's forgetful.  He can't manage money well, and I'm trying to teach him skills.  He's paying us rent, of which 75% goes into a rent savings for when he moves.  He still smokes, though he's cut back.

Oh, and I finally helped him get rid of that stupid car that kept breaking down.  I found a great deal on a almost brand new Hybrid vehicle, since I will have a longer commute. I traded in my son's car and gave him my old one.  Everybody won!

B and I both know that when the MMR treatment ends-- at the end of June-- that my son is now treading in dangerous waters.  Somehow, I have a feeling that he's a little wiser about staying away from those who will want to lead him down the path of temptation. I also believe that B doesn't want to pay the price of getting high.  He's so afraid of withdrawals that I think he's wants to steer clear of opiates.

Hopefully, B will quit the golf course and do well at the restaurant, which is 20 miles from where we live.  Then, he can rent a room in that area and really break free of this city where he knows too many people. Besides, I have no respect for his current boss. He's broken so many labor laws, not to mention that he's just highly unethical.
Please know, that I remember all of you so well in my thoughts and prayers.  I received a lovely email from A Mom's Serious Blunder thanking me "for my introduction to these kind people that offer support here in blog land. I will never forget that."  What a very kind thing to say!  I feel that way about many of you, who were always there to encourage me when I was feeling so afraid or angry about my son's relapsed.


I am thankful for all the support that I received on this blog and the friendships I've made.  I hope you know that my long stretches of not blogging is a good thing.  It means that the storms of life have receded for now. Another one will come, and I pray that I will make it through because of my deep faith in God.



8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Debby,
Your post, and others that I have found through yours, continue to help me get through many dark moments. I so appreciate how you are able to find moments of serenity, while still being honest about how this disease has shattered so many of our lives.

Today my son is sitting in jail because he did not show up for a court date (or two?). I have decided not to bail him out, and somehow have found some peace in that decision.

I will pray that your son's path will continue to get healthier and healthier. Thanks again for sharing your story.

Jan said...

Debby, I am praying your son, B, does steer clear of his 'friends', his 'feign' and remains 'firm' in his recovery. I do not know all the cycles you all have tread, but this addiction path is circular unless he chooses to take that long hard straight path. It sounds like he is there...... keep the faith and keep reaching for the stars! I am proud of both of you! ~Jan

Tom at Recovery Helpdesk said...

Great to hear that your son continues to be doing well.

Congratulations on the house too.

Angelo said...

Sorry about the employment problems. My real concern is with B. He will feel that taper of the methadone just like a regular withdrawl. When it gets low enough he'll be getting very anxious and not being able to sleep. His sugar levels will be eractic. Deep in my heart I believe he must stay on it. The good think is when he feels that he can't handle it all he has to do is tell the clinic put me back on. I just hope he choses to do that then use for a few days. That puts him in jeapordy with you guess and possible legal issues if he was to get caught etc. I have faith in people being able to get sivk and tired of there addiction and put up with the withdrawl and tough it out. The problem is B is now working 2 jobs and between not sleeping (not 1 minute) extreme fatugue and horrible anxiety his best beat is to stay on the methadone. I'm glad he is at a low dose. 25mg is low. Very low. I'm on 35mg myself and will be going down 5mg next week.Please let B know that you are aware he may feel extremely uncomfortable and if it gets unbearable just go back to the 25mg dose.
Respectfully,

Angelo

Barbara said...

Debby! Its so good to hear an update. I am touched by what B said to you about being proud of how you handle things...what wonderful words to hear from your son!

I am sorry about your job but maybe the person who stole yours will give it back? I hope so.

It sounds like B is doing well and I have a good feeling about his recovery. Keep us posted ok??? He's come a long way and its good to know he's in a safe and supportive environment and away from his prior living situation.

sickgirl said...

I really don't quite understand how they do methadone in the States, but in Canada, it is pretty uncommon for someone to be on methadone for such a brief period, especially if they are hoping not to relapse. I've been on Methadone Maintenance Treatment now for almost four and a half years, and I am now only on a dose of 40mg. I was as high as 95mg at one point.

My other concern would be whether or not his dose over these five months was ever adequate because it it wasn't then he will end up going into a pretty severe withdrawal the lower his taper gets. Never mind the fact that he never really got to experience the full benefits of methadone and what a marvelous recovery tool it can be when used properly.

peace, love and happiness...

sickgirl

Heather's Mom said...

I'm sorry about your job situation, but very impressed by your attitude toward it. You seem to do a great job knowing that God is in control! I hope it all works out for you and you find some hidden blessings.
Sounds like B is doing well with the 2 jobs and "new" car. I don't know anything about methadone doses etc, but at least he is home with you so you can monitor first-hand how he does when it is time to taper off.
Love, hugs & prayers to you!

Cheri said...

Hi Debby,

I've been out of pocket for a bit and trying to catch up. I'm reading in order, so I haven't read your most recent post yet, but I'm praying things are still going as well as they sound to be going here.

Rejoicing with you!

And I too am impressed with how you handled your forced "job change."

God bless you all,
Cheri