Monday, September 28, 2009

Hugs and peace of mind about my son

I am getting ready for work, so I don't have much time. I wanted to say thank you for leaving me such lovely comments, when I posted about not hearing from my son. To "Anonymous", I appreciate your suggestion to drug test my son, before helping him out with rent. The reason that won't work, is that I am in the "disengaging" or "tough love" phase with my son. He has been "helped" for 18 months.  I cannot and I will not give my son money-- to pay off drug debt, rent or any debts he's created. He needs to learn how to manage his money, including not buying drugs. Besides, my son had been lying about his drug tests, cleverly hiding fake urine in ways that a mother shouldn't have to search.

Now, on to the good news. One week later, I asked my husband if I should call B. He thought that there was nothing wrong with it. I admit, that I was afraid to call for fear that I would hear bad news, he'd sound strung out or depressed, or he'd ask me for money.  Taking a deep breath, I called and B sounded happy and said he'd been trying to reach me all day. I had been at a weekend Foodie Festival where I live.

B is still working, and loves his job. He didn't ask me for money, but said he won't get paid till the fifth. Could I buy him a few grocery staples. Yes, I did.  So, he met me at the grocery store and I set him up with a week's worth of food. B says he's been cooking a lot, and getting pretty good at it.  I was happy to hear that.

As we left, B gave me a warm hug and told me that he finally got some methadone. He says the suboxone wasn't helping, and that he's doing much better and feels better.  We locked eyes, and my son said he wanted to hang out with me next week.  He loves me, and that's all that matters.  He did look good, and he sounded good-- no slurred speech, talking a mile a minute and he looked clean. 

I had peace of mine, as I drifted off to sleep. B still remains the last thought in my head as I drift off to sleep-- he is always in my prayer, and I do miss him. I pray he is fighting for sobriety and God's will.

Gotta run-- off to work.


Mom of Opiate Addict said...

I am so happy you were able to spend some positive time with your son. It sounds like he is working his own program and you are working yours. I commend you on your stength.

Monica H said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

This is so wonderful to read. I'm glad you called and I'm even more glad that he is doing well.

I love those kind of hugs, don't you?


Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I love hearing this positive report on B and his behavior/demeamnor/attitude! Very encouraging.

If I had a dime for every way my son figured out a way to fake a drug test I'd be rich (okay, maybe not rich but I could treat myself to a hot fudge sundae!).

Hope the news continues to be good. I have to admit, I envy your relationship with B sometimes, I feel like my son only wants to spend time with me when he needs something, or to keep my happy so I will say "yes" more. I do miss him daily - he called today :)

Madison said...

Great news, Debby. Tell him he's got a lot of people praying for him.

Angelo said...

I'm really glad to see you happy. My post might make you angry for bring up issues when your in a good mood but just take it as me trying to save someones life. Most people I know talk a mile a minute when there high (like you said B was doing). Unless they were doing alot of dope or really good dope and "is on a nod" then his speech would slur. I'm not trying to stir something up. Just pointing out what I been through. Also, B said he got some methadone. Is he on a methadone program where he goes to everyday and gets his dose or did he just buy some off the street to last until payday? What happens when he gets paid and wants to stay off the dope so he goes in search of more methadone but can't get any. If you do do the drug testing thing have your husband watch him and make sure the urine is warm and it is a surprise urine test out of the blue. You are doing so well and I hope this kid makes it more then you'll ever know for his sake and yours.

Anonymous said...

What an inspirational piece to read. Drug addiction is a family disease to be sure, but those families that approach drug treatment together (as a strong unit) are precisely the ones that have the most success.

Kudos to you - and wishing your family nothing but the best!


Lesli...Austin and Ryan's Mom said...

Dear Debby,

I haven't read all your posts, so this might not be relevant...I just don't want you to be in the "place" I am in. I was doing the tough love route. I saw that he was in an apartment. I made sure he had food in his cupboards. I took away his cell phone, truck so he wouldn't drive illegally or call "drug friends". But I wish I could have done it all differently now. I would give anything to have him back. All that time I spent on him worrying and everything that goes with having a son with an addiction...well, now it is all spent on grief and sadness and guilt. You cannot make your son stop making the wrong decisions, he can't help it himself. The drugs are always in control of their thought processes whether they are currently using them or not.

My son, Austin quit taking Oxycontins for 10 days before he took them his last time for emotional and physical pain, (no health care!) It is very common to overdose after you have been clean. Apparently it is a jolt to the system.

Anyway, my heart is forever broken. Love your son as much as you can.

Lesli....Ryan and Austin's Mom
Austin N. Barthen 02/26/1981 - 09/16/2005

Isle Dance said...