Friday, April 27, 2012
Please know that I do read every single email that comes to me. I try to answer back, as quickly as I can. I've heard such sad stories from so many of you faceless people. You say you are so relieved to know that you are not alone. I feel the same.
Something has changed, recently, and I need to come to terms with it. It's not a bad thing about my son-- who continues to do very well in his recovery.
One thing that has changed, a lot, is that my son is now reading my blog. I knew, all along, that one day he would read it. I hoped that by his reading my own personal feelings, that he would better understand what it was like for me-- the hurt, fear and pain. I'm okay with him reading it, but it does make me think twice about what I should or should not write.
I will continue to update this blog, because I truly hope to be a place where addicts-- and loved ones of addicts-- can read my story. I'm not an expert, but I am a mother who can finally exhale. My son is alive and well, employed, sober and our relationship has been healed. I absolutely love my son with all of my heart.
So, what has happened? Someone who knows us is also reading this blog. Sadly, that person has their own pain (as I see it) and has been using what I've written to try and hurt my son. I don't have all the details, and my son doesn't really want to talk about it. The emotions I am feeling will take some time to sort out. I have been very open in sharing my blog to people in my community-- only because both my son and I want to share our story, to HELP people who are going through this.
At this moment, I'm feeling like this person cannot have enough respect to just let us be. Our story isn't to be mocked or used against us.
I won't let this person cause me to abandon my blog, nor am I angry with that person. I actually feel sorry for them-- that they are so callous and behave like a "bully". Sadly, this person is a grown adult, who cannot see that my son has worked so hard to overcome something that so many other have failed to do-- change their lives, their friends and find sobriety. All those old friends, who dragged him down, are out of his life. He has new friends, a job he likes and he's becoming a responsible young man.
I will write again, but I just have to process the new revelation. If "you" are reading this blog, I hope that you will find enough respect to give us the privacy that we need. What I have to say comes out of a caring heart, who wants to help someone. Please don't come here, anymore, if your intentions are to be cruel.
That is why I haven't blogged in a while. I'll get over it, but I need time to process and to feel uninhibited about sharing some very personal thing about me, and my family-- like I've said-- to "help other".
Again, I have saved emails I've received in the last few weeks. I'm so sorry I haven't answered or responded online. Please, do not think it's because I don't care. I do. That's why I write.