Monday, July 6, 2009

Dear Angelo ...

Angelo has left a new comment on your post "My response to Anonymous #1":

I so very sorry to caused you to be upset. I really didn't mean to bash your faith. Yesterday was my first day clean and started suboxone again. I did like your son. I stop taking it so I can go on a nice little run until the money runs out and go back on again. I feel better today and need to feel a whole lot better tomorrow since I go back to work. I will never bring up your faith again. A promise. I grew up a alter in a catholic grammer school and became the very first Eucharistic Minister in New Jersey. About 10 of us. I went on to a all boys Catholic high school and my fathers twin brother is a Catholic priest. I was turned on to God my whole life. In high school I had to do a paper and I did it on the role of the Pope in the church. Well I came to find out in research how corupt the whole organization is. And it is a organization. Then I got locked up in around 1993 for 17 months and pretty much dedicated my like to "HIM". Must have read the bible twice and memorized half the book. I even swear it was "HIM" who got me off the charges after sitting in jail 17 months. As soon as I got out I was gonna join a church speak to the youth about the dangers of drugs and gangs and that never happpened. I got high withen 24 hours of getting out. Went back to jain in 1995 and got out did the drug thing and was homeless on the streets of Newark, New Jersey for all of 1998, 1999 and 2000. me an Italian running the streets of Newark which is 85% black. Got into a shelter and went on methadone and it was at this time I started questioning God. I started going to a library in Elizabeth , New Jersey and back then it was the first one on the computers you can stay on as long as you like and I was there till they opened until they closed. That's where I learned how to use a computer. . Well I did that for months. Researching the hell out of "Is there a God". I kept notebooks of research and basically science told it's all crap. The bible is a story book. Jesus may have existed but was just another prophet. Even mother Theresa questioned her faith greatly. She never had a happy moment. It was all suffereing and that's all she so.
Look, I just wanted to tell you why I lost my faith and could go on but just will say I care about you and what happens to your son. I will never talk about any realigious things again and will be reading and giving you my opinion that's all. I'll sign as my name as Angelo so you know its me in case anyone talks badly of your faith I don't want you to think it's me. Good luck and I guess I should say God Bless but how sincere can it be coming from me.



Thank you for your comment. Was it you who is Anonymous #1? If so, please know that I was not upset about your prior comment. If anything, I was deeply touched and saddened. I am so sorry that you relapsed. I will pray for you, Angelo, that you can conquer the demon of addiction. It's hard. I pray for your strength and success in this.

What did upset me are comments I received and deleted. It made me change my comment settings to "prior approval". The comments were laced with profanity, and they were completely unrelated to drug addiction. They were political and insensitive. Yours weren't. You shared your feelings so openly and so well. I had hoped to reach out to you, since I cannot see you. In some way, I hope that I gave you encouragement and God's love.

As I've written recently, the true purpose of my blog is to share about my son's addiction. It is my way of communicating with my friends, and it is also my way to vent my feelings. When I speak of God, or quote scripture-- it is because I am also reaching out to Him. Sometimes, I become weak in my faith. Sometimes, I feel compelled to share scripture that has spoken to my heart. I figure if someone resents reading it, then can keep scrolling or leave my blog. I'm not going for readership numbers, nor am I competing for high numbers of followers.

Those of you who are following me-- thank you so much. During these tough few days, you have each sent me comments of encouragement. It helps me so much!

Thank you, so much, for all the support.

I'm off to a sad morning. B slept all day yesterday. This morning, he said he's upset with me but "doesn't want to talk about it". He refused the lunch I packed for him, and I see his suboxone is still sitting where I put it each morning (and watch him take it).

I'm going to spend the day with my husband, traveling north for a vacation day. My son and I have a code word now-- we are not going to talk about "it". I'm going to put this in God's hands, and I'm going to live, laugh, love and pray for my son. Which I do everyday, throughout the day.

Angelo-- I'm so sorry for the reasons you have given up on God being true. Catholicism did that to me (with all due respect to true Catholics). I'm not religious. I'm spiritual. But, I won't get into the theology part of this.

I still believe.



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