I started to write you and let you know that you're on my mind. Then I decided I should read your blog and catch up. Well, I just did and my heart is heavy for you.
I saw on your blog, that you may be getting judged by some who have read it and disagree with your approach. I hope those messages are being sent with the right intent and are not rude or intended to hurt you further. People can disagree, misunderstand, misinterpret, or just plain hate how you're handling your situation. But no one knows what they would do in the same situation.
I do want to share some of our experience with you, Debby. I'm not saying that what is right for us is right for you and B, but I want to share some things with you. My son is 27. I'm not sure, but I think yours is considerably younger. I think this is significant. My son has often said that he doesn't think he could've been successful in rehab when he was 19 or 20.
I may or may not have told you, but he went from rehab to a sober living apartment in Dallas. Well, this place was in a horrible part of town. In addition, it was surrounded by drugs, addicts, and dealers just waiting for someone to get weak. Well, my son did. Not only did he buy cocaine....for the first time in his life, he was arrested. He was stopped and searched and spent the weekend in jail. In all his years of drug use, he'd always eluded the police. This was a MAJOR wake up call for him. Not only did he spend the weekend in jail, but he was forced to tell me what had happened. He had only been out of rehab about 30 days and I was DEVASTATED! I did something that the experts advise against, and I paid for a lawyer. I'm sorry, but I'm a mom and I couldn't bear the thought of my son going to jail. Besides, I knew that he was going to have some sort of punishment that would likely include probation and drug testing. That arrest probably saved his life. Yes, I paid for the lawyer, but since that arrest he has turned his life around.
In rehab, they told us over and over that relapse is part of recovery. Thank goodness they did. Otherwise, I think I'd have felt completely hopeless. But, it is, Debby. It is part of the process. I know your son is really struggling now, but I also know you're not giving up on him. You're a strong lady and I admire you greatly. B is lucky to have you for his mom.
Now, here's the bombshell. My son went to La Hacienda for treatment. This is one of the top facilities in the country. You may have heard of it, as Dr. Phil sends lots of people there. Believe it or not, THEY BELIEVE IN SUBOXONE FOR OPIATE RECOVERY. I had the same opinion about it that you did, Debby. But, after that arrest, I went with Jeffrey to his outpatient program and talked to the Dr. and Psychiatrist about it. I was and remained convinced that, though I'd rather that he be completely free of any prescription drug, opiate addiction is very psychological, as well as physical. It is, arguably, the hardest addiction to kick. My son does take suboxone, under the direction of a doctor. I believe that they will take him off of it in the time frame that they see fit. But, Debby, he works, goes to meetings, goes to therapy, and is back to being "my son".
I HATE THIS ADDICTION AND WHAT IT'S DONE TO US AND OUR KIDS. I'm not thrilled about the suboxone, but I trust the professionals at La Ha. Maybe it's the lessor of the evils right now, but it's working!
One other thing I don't know if I've shared with you is that my son was diagnosed, at La Ha, as bipolar. My understanding is that many addicts also suffer from a mental health disorder. Have they ruled that out with B????????????? I can look back on Jeffrey's childhood and see times I should have know something was wrong. He has always been the sweetest kid. He and I were always close. But there were times, like when he was around 6 or 7....he got angry for no particular reason, went to his room and cut the legs off of all his pants. He once decided to run away for no reason and just took off down the road. These episodes were rare, but extreme when they happened. I always wrote it off to anger over the divorce. I now see that the behavior was out of the ordinary and I should've looked into it deeper.
You say B self-medicates. So did Jeffrey. He did it to escape the "dark whole" he found himself in some mornings when he woke up....for no reason at all. He was just terribly depressed and self-medicated. He would tell you that his intention was never to get high......it was to feel "normal". I believe the bipolar meds do that for him now. Whatever it is, he's back and I'm so thankful. When it's time, the doctors will take him off the suboxone. I hope soon, but it's out of my hands.
I just wanted to share these things with you, so that you'd have something to think about. Once again, I'm not suggesting anything in particular for you and B. Just wanted you to hear our story and see if anything connects or helps you.
Happy Holidays to you and yours. You are, as always, in my thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
"Jane" and I met many months ago, through this blog. I believe it is through Divine Intervention that she caught up on my blog. Her email to me meant so much, and I wanted to share it with my readers of this blog: