This morning, I was stretched across my King bed. I have waited, for two weeks, for the luxury of sleeping in. My husband had just gotten out of bed. In the quiet of my room, I thanked God for giving me the gift of Motherhood.
I lay there, thinking back to the day that my son came into the world. I had spent most of Halloween night, in labor. B came into the world close to lunchtime, the following day, after my labor was finally induced.
I remember coming home with him, two days later. I didn't have a clue how to take care of a baby. All I knew, is that I got to be a stay-at-home mom, and I was immersed in learning how to care for him.
B was as perfect a baby as I could have asked for. He slept through most of the night. We did the "Mommy and Me" classes, Gymboree, and play dates with his cousin-- who was just three months older than he.
We were living in a home that I loved. We had a swimming pool, my horse barn and two horses. Life was good. I was the center of his universe, and he was the joy of my life.
I recall that the challenges with my son did not begin until he was in middle school. But, that's another story.
Today is my son's 20th birthday. It's hard to believe how fast the time goes. No matter what, I still thank God for blessing me with his child. I was reminded of scripture that I have read many times:
8 Observe therefore all the commands I am giving you today, so that you may have the strength to go in and take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 9 and so that you may live long in the land that the LORD swore to your forefathers to give to them and their descendants, a land flowing with milk and honey. 10 The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. 11 But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. 12 It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.
13 So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- 14 then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. 15 I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.
16 Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. 17 Then the LORD's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce, and you will soon perish from the good land the LORD is giving you. 18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.
I am reminded that God entrusts us to raise his children to know the ways of the Lord. Have I done this? I can only say that I got a late start, but I've tried.
I believe that my son has a good heart. He's struggling against the powers of temptation.
He is 20 years old, today. Statistics say that at the age of 25, the brain finally develops common sense and maturity. So, does that mean that for the next five years that I need to pray for his safety? Of course, it does!
I have no regrets about being a mom. Raising my son has been my greatest accomplishment. No, he's not perfect. I can't boast that my kid is an honor's student, valedictorian, or that he's going to an esteemed University. I can't boast that he's CEO of a company, or that he's a VIP for a company.
It doesn't matter. What I know, in my heart, is that my beautiful baby boy is still there-- deep down inside. He has a demon that wants to hang on to his soul. But, I have the power of Jesus Christ who is much stronger than any forces of evil. I will never give up on my son.
So, today, I have looked through photo albums of the times when my beautiful son had his innocence-- photos of him with his cousin, with his "Oma", in his Batman Halloween costume...in his little league uniform. He was a very happy little boy, and loved by many people.
B is on his way to pick up the last of his things at his apartment in Benicia. Then, he's headed back here. Tomorrow morning, the plan is for me to take him to San Francisco. I am prepared to make it a great day at Golden Gate Park. He wants to visit the Planetarium. It will be our day, in celebration of his birthday.
Thank you, Lord, for entrusting me with your child. I have done my best to teach him about you. Thank you for your grace, your mercy and your blessings that you have given him.