Monday, March 2, 2009

Thank for joy, hope and that the broken pieces are starting to fall into place

It's windy and rainy in California, today, and I am loving it. We need it, desperately. It's the kind of weather where I just want to go home, make a pot of soup, light a fire (with a presto log) and appreciate my home.

I'm feeling at peace, and filled with a lot of hope. There are a lot of reasons why-- but a large part of this is that B got a job! In this economy, with unemployment rates in the double digits, B got a job on his own. Praise God!

He'll be a grocery bagger, 33 hours per week, at a mom & pop grocery store that I've shopped at since he was kicking inside my belly. He started this morning, and will work Monday through Friday from 7:30am - 3:30. This is SO annointed by God! His car insurance runs out next Sunday, and I was not sure how my son would handle that. His work hours match mine and his step dad's, so we can easily drop him off and pick him up.

I already know what a lot of you might be thinking-- an addict with a paycheck can be a very dangerous thing. That's why B willingly agreed to everything I suggested to him. In short they are:
  • He can drop down from 12 units of school to 3. He would be overwhelmed with balance full-time work and full-time school. He will split the cost difference on his health insurance, because he is no longer a full time student-- he understands how important it is for him to have his COBRA plan because he's an insulin dependent diabetic and he's an addict, who uses suboxone.
  • He has agreed that I get to see his paycheck stubs. He will pay us rent (trust me, it won't be a LOT of money)-- but that money will be set aside as a savings for him. When he's ready to move out on his own, that money will pay his first, last and deposit. It will not be handed to him in one lump sum. I'm not that stupid!
  • I also explained to him that the rest of his money needs to be kept track of-- I'll teach him how to download his banking into Quicken, or I will show him a very simple way to track his money by hand. Yes, I'm good at bookkeeping. These are lifeskills that I'm thankful my mother taught to me. I hope that B will be receptive to these.
  • Last, I told him that if I see him spending his money on frivolous things-- like video games and gadgets, I would not be happy about it. Now, this might sound controlling. My point is, that if we are providing for his shelter, food, medical expenses and miscellaneous things-- I would be resentful if he blew his money. Saving money to buy something is good, and I encourage that. But, he needs to learn how to take care of the non-negotiable costs of life.

B completely agreed with me. That's a good start. I'm hoping that his having a job will give B a sense of structure and a chance to learn how to work in the real world. I would be thrilled to see my son become a responsible and dependable employee. He can still add on more college classes, but I think that it was the wisest decision for him to take a job, while it was available.

I'm feeling that B and I have grown closer than we've ever been. I'm learning to stop my business and to take the time to sit and talk to B. I'm learning to LISTEN to my son. We haven't argued since I blogged about wanting to stop play tug-of-war.

B has been sticking around, at home, a lot. He's home early, and he checks in with me. He's still testing clean, with my random checks. By the way, I am fully aware that addicts are very clever at cheating at drug tests. The best that I can do is to insist that he uses our bathroom, that has a toilet room and no places to hide things (like fake pee). He wears boxers and I can hear him going (no, I don't watch him)! The cup is warm when he sets it on the bathroom counter, and it has a temperature strip on it.

If he's faking it, then he's very clever. I just feel it, in my heart, that he's not cheating. I've been bamboozled by him many times. This time, I truly think that B doesn't want to use.

Of course, my sense of joy and hope still has that sense of doubt-- knowing that opiate addiction is very difficult to conquer. My son has relapsed three times in one year. I have not forgotten that tomorrow, next week, month or year, my son might not be able to resist the desire to use-- especially is something traumatizes him.

My lunch break is almost over, and I wanted to blog about other blogs. I admit, that I've been avoiding reading many blogs on addiction, that I am following. I confess, that I've been losing myself into my own food blog. Cooking is my hobby, passion and therapy. Now, photography has become something I'm learning, as well as HTML codes and how to build a better blog.

My son loves the fact that I have a food blog. It's kind of cute how he reads what I write, to see if I mention him. It made me realize how insecure he is, and how much he really needs to feel loved and to hear positive things about him. I need to make sure that I do that.

I will try to build a list of blogs I've been reading that have deeply touched my heart. One of them is "Subdural Flow" at Today is the first day I've had the time and mental energy to read her blog and it is brilliantly written, very touching and I'm totally sucked in to her story. If you have not checked out her blog, please do so.

I am still learning about Blog Awards, and hoping to learn how to create my own. If I could, I'd give every single one of my blogs on my blogroll list one of my own.

Now, all I need to do is learn how to split my two blogs into two separate ID's. I was so new into the world of Blogging, that I did not realize I should have done that in the first place. So, if you've clicked on my ID, and you end up on a Food Blog...well, I need to change that. I really want to stay anonymous... though, I'm very open about my son's addiction and my son knows that I have a blog.

Gotta go...lunch time is over. I have no time to edit, proof read or spell check. Maybe later, so forgive me.

Prayers and blessings to all of you!



Dad and Mom said...

My fingers and toes are crossed for you and him.

I am so inspired when I read of your events. Hope comes back so easily.

Lou said...

Thanks so much for the nod! I actually did go to your food blog at first, and was completely dejected, since I can't boil an egg. (BTW, are you supposed to rinse them in cold water or NOT!)
This post is wonderful to read-- your hope, your encouragement, your honesty. But mostly I love that you follow your own heart & mind. Nobody knows your child like you. Nobody knows when to give it another try or put them out. I get worried when I read some of the "advice" on blogs. Addiction is a gray monster, and I will follow my gut always.
You are doing that, and it is brave and smart.

Her Big Sad said...

I'm crossing fingers too! I am hopeful that things are continuing to go very well.

Gary said...

Being an addict myself I can tell you that when I got employment, I was afraid, afraid of what I'd do with the money I had. It's so easy to fall back into the lifestyle too easy infact. You just have to be admitted to the ER and given a shot of somthing that as junkies we wont say no to. Im just coming back from the dark, I hope I can become a normal functioning human again, at this point its hit or miss. I want so badly to become what I most admire, a sober, hardworking individual play a role in society. Your son and you give me hope for the future, as my journey is just beginning, Im hoping, and praying that I will be able to keep paying for my suboxone, because as you know, the price of it is very high. Thank you for all you've written, and the hope you've given me, and no doubt others, it means more to me than you could ever imagine.