Saturday, March 7, 2009

Welcome to "Real World" and an Angel from God

**UPDATE: My son tested for me, after I posted this. He's clean for opiates, Praise God! The THC is still positive. I let my son read a blog entry from an addict who is trying to detox on his own. My son desperately wants to write to him. B seemed deeply touched. Sometimes, when I let him read the pain that others blog about, he sees the other side-- how loved ones are affected.

This entire week has been really hectic for all three of us-- my husband, my son and myself.
My husband is adjusting to his new job. I'm still dealing with some health issues (girl stuff) and I need to have outpatient surgery on Monday. So, I've been busy with doctor pre-op appointments, lab work and feeling tired and stressed out.

My son is beginning to get a taste of what it's like to work full-time. His job starts at 7:30am and ends at 3:30pm. He seems very excited about his job, and he likes to talk about his day. That makes me very happy.

Being on your feet as a grocery bagger is hard work. I had a part-time job, working at Macy's, while working another full-time job. Retail work is hell on your back, legs and feet. I remember that feeling of wanting to crawl through my front door, after standing for 4 hours on a carpet covered concrete floor. My son is definitely working very hard, physically.

He's been going to meetings with his sponsor a couple times a week. The other nights, he's home right after work. He eats dinner with us, we chat and he goes to bed. I finally feel as though my son is becoming a young man. He's still an addict, though. I haven't forgotten that.

In fact, when he wakes up, I'm going to hand him a cup and test him. I don't tell him, in advance.
Last week, I was praying to God that he would send someone into my son's life who is a Christian. For those of you non-Christian's who are reading my blog, please know that I strive to be a non-judgmental Christian. By that, I mean that I don't think I'm better than someone who does not believe in Jesus. I'll pray for you, because I believe with all of my heart, that the Lord changed my life-- 12 years ago-- after 20 years of turning my back on God. I once hated religion, and believed I was not worthy of God's love or forgiveness.

I am very open about my love of Jesus. That's a very brave stand to take in today's world. Sometimes, I feel that God's Word (that would be the Bible... a book that I find so much strength and wisdom from) is under attack. I feel as though today's World is trying to rewrite God's word. I can't understand that. I am trying to live my life according to God's will. For the record, I blow it every single day. So, there you have it. I love God, I believe in the Bible and I am a sinner.

My point is-- my son is a "believer". I never shoved "religion" down his throat. B attended youth groups since Middle School. He has a heart for God, and my son has a good heart. He's not an "evil" person. He has a good conscience. But, like so many Christians (and this includes me), my son is living in "The World". He is not putting God, first, in his life. The 12-Steps focuses on a Higher Power. Sometimes, my son thinks he can fix his addiction by himself. He can't. He needs to surrender to God.

I've been praying that my son would get out of bed on Sunday morning and go to church. It's the church that B led me to, by the way! It's a wonderful church-- it's a Contemporary Church, with wonderful music and a Pastor who isn't boring in any way. It's a church that offers groups for young adults-- I am a volunteer with the high school kids, and I love it.

I want to be a Prayer Warrior. Every morning, as I am commuting to work, I have quiet and uninterrupted time to talk to God. I always pray for my son, his friends who are addicts and the families and addicts I have met in Blogosphere. On Wednesday, I remember asking God to making his presence know to my son.

God answers prayers, at times, in such a way that you cannot doubt He has answered it. I had to do lab work (as I mentioned earlier in this post). I arrived about 20 minutes before the lab closed, so I was the last patient. There was a lovely young woman, with a sweet smile. She looked at me and asked if I was a friend of "Bill".

"Bill"?, I repeated, looking puzzled.

"Wilson", she replied.

Still looking perplexed, I said "no".

As I was in the bathroom, it hit me. Duh! Bill W!!!! AA--

When I returned to the room, I told her that I realized what she meant. I told her that my son was in the program. Then she said that she met me at the Women's Retreat with our church two years ago. My mental rolodex was spinning and then I remembered....she was new to our church, and she was in my small group.

I had the most delightful conversation with "J". It turns out that she has been clean for seven years-- alcohol and opiates. I listened to her, and it could have been my own son. She validated so many things that my son has said to me about addiction. It made my eyes fill with tears. I wanted to hug her.

J is my answer to my prayer. She lives in our area. Her fiance' ha 19 years of sobriety. She gave me her phone number and my son would like to meet her for coffee. She even attends the same meetings that my son likes to attend.

Is this the Christian addict that I asked God to send into my life? Praise God!

As I am writing this, tears are coming again.

I have so much more to blog about, but I need to get moving. I can't blog as much, during the week, because of my job. I'll try to catch up on other blogs that I am subscribing to. I am following two of them very closely, and my heart is aching for the pain that they are going through.

I received an email from an addict who is facing the beginning of withdrawals and detoxing on his own. "G", I am praying for you. You were the last person on my mind, last night.

Today, I am feeling tired but very hopeful. Of course, I feel anxious right before I'm going to test my son. I have that fear that my son will test dirty. I cannot imagine what it's like to follow through on throwing your own child out of your home and life-- because they have lied about their sobriety. I hope I never have to test my strength.

My son must be drinking up Saturday morning sleep-ins. At least he's not trying to sleep off his "high". He's a much different person-- clean and showered, nicely dressed, cheerful and he's trying very hard.

Thank you God!


Lou said...

Hello, checking in.
Wow, how nice to read good news. And doesn't EVERYBODY believe in the power of prayer!

Kat said...

I'm happy to have wondered upon your blog. You are truly a blessing in your son's life, and that makes me smile. He is lucky to have a mother like you.

I, too, am an opiate addict. My mother supported me a couple of years ago when I went to rehab, but not understanding the length of recovery she now thinks I have been clean for years. I can't bear to break her heart by telling her the truth... i simply hide it, and I've become much better at that as the days go by.

I can't afford Suboxone, or I would gladly be on it. I just pray that one day by God's will that things will change for me, and I know they will.. it gets a little bit easier every day.