Sunday, December 7, 2008

Encouragement from mom's of addicts

I don't have much to report on my son's current frame of mind. I'm thinking of him, all the time. I'm trying to keep a positive and hopeful attitude. At the same time, I suspect that my son is not prioritizing his finding a suboxone doctor. It's just a suspicion, because I would think my son would call to tell me that he has an appointment. Our health insurance will cover most of his visits, and I will pay he medical deductible-- it's that important to me, that he gets proper help. I've spoken with B a few times, and he sounds "evasive".

I was looking at a photo that was taken of my son, last week. I know that this sounds "cheesy", but he's so darned good looking! He looks like a clean-cut "jock" kid, with short hair and a dazzling smile... but, I'm getting off-topic again.

It's time that I share some emails that have been sent to me. They mean a great deal to me. Those of you who post comments, or who email me privately... thank you.

Hi Debby,

I understand how hard the "tough love" route must be for the parents of the addict. I cannot even fathom the idea of turning my son away, no matter what insanity may have brought him to me for help in the first place.......

A long time ago, I was sitting with a very good friend of mine, someone I met in AA and her mother. We were discussing how her Mom had been in Alanon long before her daughter finally found the rooms of AA. "Marcy" is a heroin addict. She comes from a very wealthy family, one of prestige and success. Her parents each own their own business, and they have homes in several states. Her dad is also a private pilot and they own their own plane. "Marcy" was always a little behind when it came to the success part of her life. Her grades were always so-so and she never felt as tho she ever quite "fit in" anywhere.

When her Mom began to describe the feelings she experienced when first finding out about "Marcy", she wore each of those feelings on her face as though she was once again experiencing all that shock, pain, pity, betrayal, anger, and eventual peace with her daughters addiction.

She went on to tell us about how she kept failing the "tough love" lessons of her program. Her and her husband constantly helped Marcy, together, and eventually behind one another's back. So afraid of where her daughter may end up if they turned their back on her, they felt that helping was much easier than living with the guilt if for some reason, God forbid, God decided to call Marcy home to be with him...... They struggled with their parental responsiblities and their guilt.

She told us that finally, after much prayer and tears, they decided that together, they would turn her away the next time she came to them. No matter what the excuse, story, lie or truth Marcy told them about what was going on, no matter how small and insignificant it might be, they would not help.

Little did they know that their daughter would show up that very same evening, broke, crying, and very scared. Marcy had drug-induced asthma, and she was clearly not doing well. Her parents asked her to wait outside, closed the door, and looked at one another as if to say "Now what?". They proceeded into the garage, got out a laundry basket, and in it they placed a blanket, her inhaler, and a telephone number for a recovery house about 3 hours away. They opened the door, explained they were not only doing what was best for her, but also were doing it for themselves. They explained that by giving her anymore help, they were only prolonging her life of addiction, no matter how small that help may be.
Four days later, the recovery house called to let them know that Marcy had arrived, a little thin, and in complete withdrawal. Since the recovery house was the only place to turn to, she only faced two options. Recovery or life on the streets. She chose the recovery house and has been clean since 1997.

The place she where she finally surrendered to her disease was no country club setting. She was in detox for one week and was immediately placed in their halfway house where she was taught the basics of how to survive, on her own, without drugs.

She had to get a job, *Burger King* I think it was. Certainly a humble beginning for a girl who had so many options of employment at one time not so long ago. They monitored her money, her checking account, and she paid for her rent, food, etc. She had to account for ever dollar she spent, and had to log where she needed to staple every receipt for every penny she used.

She was eventually given a puppy to care for, and she finally found a way to save up enough money to purchase a car, along with mandatory insurance. Again, the recovery house monitored her every move. They allowed her to make her own decisions, and they watched her make some wrong ones. They allowed her to learn, to grow, and to achieve the things she never thought she could.

She came out of that recovery house after over 2 years of learning how to be an adult. She was 23 years old, so young, yet old in so many ways.

Today, she is a wife, and mother of 3 children. She continues to make mistakes, but the kind of mistakes her Mother tells us she can live with.

Just wanted to share some success with you!




amyn said...

I know how you feel my son had the same problem but i found a great drug rehab called Narconon. you should give them a call and they will talk to you free of charge and answer any questions you may have

A Mom's Serious Blunder said...

I really liked reading this Debbie. Sometimes you need a story like this just to get you through the day. Thank you.

babygurljrl said...

I am not the mother of an addict, however I am a mother (I have a four year old son and an 18 month old daughter) and I was an addict. Oxycontins and other Opiates were my drug of choice. I am now almost two years clean. I am on methadone and it has saved me and my family. Now my goal is to get off of methadone. I am 23 years old. I feel sick when I think of the pure hell i put my family, especially my mom, through when I was using. She was such a strong woman. Moms of addicts have such strength and never give up hope. There is no love like a mothers love. Great post!

suehieb said...

I am the mom of an addict, who is active, and who just turned 18. One of the most rewarding jobs in the world, is being a parent, but it's also one of the most difficult, and especially when you witness them going thru addiction. I am also an addict, clean and sober, for 10 years, working a strong program of recovery. Even my own addiction wasn't as hard as watching your kid go thru it, but the most important thing to do is to never give up hope. You can love your children with all your heart, but that doesn't mean you have to allow them to live with you when they're in the throws of their disease.