Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Just waiting...

I am on vacation, and I am loving it. The timing could not be better, because my son moved home just as I began my vacation leave.

I am what I can best described as "observing" my son.

I see a new relationship between us. My son has become a lot more respectful. In fact, his attitude is stellar! The two of us don't argue anymore. My son is respecting the rules we have given him. I don't like the word "rules" because it sounds like we are running a prison. But, with an addict, we have to set "boundaries", which are really rules.

My son is keeping the curfew we set for him. While he is 20 years old, we imposed a curfew because he was staying out until 1am...and another time until 3:00am. He was playing video games with a friend, but I was unable to sleep with worry.

When we talked to B about his late nights, he agreed that it wasn't necessary. He understands that it puts angst into my heart, for fear that he's out "using".

Another reason for his curfew is to help him to readjust his brain into sleeping at night and waking up at a decent hour, in the morning. B has been known to be awake all night long and then to sleep all day long. He is starting to make that adjustment, and I can hear him snoring throughout the night.

B is applying for jobs, with the help of my husband. It's a daunting task, given the high rate of unemployment. Still, he needs to learn how to do this and something is bound to "stick".

Physically, I see improvement in B. His skin is almost clear...not riddled with zits. B is dressing differently, too. Gone are the baggy "gangsta" jeans that sagged below his boxers. His oversized shirts have been replaced with golf shirts. His hair is no longer shaved extra short, but has grown out to reveal that his golden blond locks have turned dark brown.

His speech-- it is no longer slurred and the "street talk" is gone. He is speaking in a more refined way and I am loving it!

B has a sponsor, and he is going to meetings. Part of our rules, is that he must attend five meetings a week and bring us proof that he went.

B will be randomly drug tested, and he has not refused to do so. He understands the consequences if he tests "dirty". So far, so good.

We have family meetings on Saturday morning-- to review how B is doing. We had one on Saturday, and it went well. Nobody got mad, and there were not blowouts. B admitted he was lagging in his job searches, but we commended him for how pleasant he has been to live with. He is a good and considerate "roommate".

On January 15th, it will be 30-days since he moved in with us on a probationary status. At that time, we will review our rules and make adjustments. Ultimately, B needs to have a job, be going to school (adjusting units and job hours to make it do-able). Once he is paying rent, then the curfew is lifted.

I am learning in this process, about myself. I have work to do, in order to learn how to live with an addict. I need to learn patience-- which is not my strongest virtue. I need to be patient with my son, because he is still struggling. The suboxone has quieted the demons that want my son to use heroin.

I still see behaviors in my son where I am struggling with distinguishing as being "the addict" versus being a young kid who is stunted in his maturity. He is still disorganized, lacks motivation and puts his social life before everything else.

Baby steps. I need to trust God and let Him do His work.

3 comments:

Goldie said...

I am so glad to see that things are improving with your son. This is what I had hoped for and I hope that this continues. I wish you and your son all the best.

Felicia said...

Hi Deb,

I can see even in your writing how cautious you are being this time around. As he goes through all that he goes through that cautiousness will give way to trust I am sure. You and B are and C are doing a great job through all of this...

xoxox

-Felicia

Deborah W said...

Awesome!!! Good job, Mom!