Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The end of someone's life

Journey back to my blog entry on September 6, 2008. This is where I talk about my son's "falling out" with his room mate.

I received a phone call from my son, last night. He blurted to me that he just received a call from his former roommate's sister-- "A" had killed himself. It freaked me out, because my brother shares the same name as B's former roommate. It took, what felt like an eternity, to realize that B was talking not talking about his uncle. He was talking about his former friend/roommate, in Benicia.

I had a really hard time sleeping last night. All I could think of was the first time that I met “A”. My son had met “A” in the Sober Living Environment that he moved into at the end of April. “A” was an alcoholic. He had just finished his fourth stint at a treatment center (a different one from my son’s).

“A” was in his late 40’s. As far as B could tell, he didn’t have any friends. I thought it seemed a little peculiar that some his age would “cling” to my young son. I even asked “A” about that…he said that he wanted to help my son. “A” was lonely… and he succumbed to his addiction to alcohol. It was obvious to “B” that his roommate had started drinking again. “A” became angry, and had resorted to yelling at my son a few times. I stayed out of it, though.

The last time that B saw “A” was September 3rd. That was the day that “A” returned (after disappearing for a few days) and he literally through my son out of their apartment. We had to call the police to gain entry, so that B could get the last of his belongings.

B is devastated, to say the least. He feels that it’s his fault that “A” killed himself. I can imagine how my son might jump to that conclusion—but I doubt that his suicide happened 3 months ago. Otherwise, his apartment manager would have entered the place much sooner. All we know is that his body was discovered, at B’s former apartment, around Thanksgiving.

I didn’t know “A” as well as my son did. Still, I could only stare at my ceiling while trying to fall asleep. I prayed for “A”—for his family. I prayed that “A”, in the last moments of his life, cried out to God. I cannot imagine how someone can feel such hopelessness that they can actually take their own life.

“A”s death, is a very real and painful reminder to me that addiction—left untreated—can ultimately lead to death.

B’s car is finally fixed, from his car accident. It’s been quite a while. My son should be home today, to pick it up.

I’m praying for my son—that his car will not lead him (literally) into trouble.

It seems daunting, to me, the trials and tribulations that my son has endured. Beyond that, I've had my share of failed marriages, financial struggles and dealing with my father's physical abuse. All I can think is that God, sometimes, allows us to suffer our own consequences. Sometimes, God needs to bring us down to our knees…to humble us… and to realize that we need Him. I know that, personally. God brought me down to my knees, and humbled me, the day that B’s father walked out on our 17 year marriage. I was broke and had a young child to raise…I lost my house. God gave me the strength to keep moving not give up...He gave me hope and he restored my life. But, that’s another story…

Enough for today. My heart goes out to “A”s family he has left behind. Yes, I will go with my son to his memorial service, on December 20th.

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