Fractal mom gently warned me to stay guarded about my optimism. I am. I am, literally, living one day at a time with my son. I'm waiting for that "show me" moment, where my son actually does what he says he's going to. Right now, I measure his progress day-to-day. In a way, I feel as though I'm holding my breath and waiting to exhale-- whenever that comes.
I am going to get the money order for his methadone treatment. Am I thrilled about his decision? Not really. But, I look at it this way-- at least he's going to be doing something legitimately. This money isn't coming out of my personal pocket. It's from his dwindling and very modest inheritance.
Tomorrow, my son will use my prepaid legal plan to talk to an attorney. For a monthly fee, I have a family plan where we can get legal advice from a genuine attorney. I suggested that B find out his legal rights for when he gets fired-- it's going to happen. He needs to know how to file for the unpaid overtime and for the raise he was promised, and never got. He needs to find out his rights, since he's been discriminated against for being a diabetic-- getting in trouble for going into the bathroom to inject himself with insulin.
He also needs to learn how to get out of his lease and the fact that his former roommate just left-- with all of his belongings still in the one bedroom.
I admit, that I hope my son will have no choice but to choose homelessness or a one-year program. B has voiced that, himself. Again, we shall see...
As for me-- I'm hanging in there. It's impossible for me to not think of my son. Most of yesterday, if I thought of B, I talked to God and prayed for him. I am praying for so many of you family of bloggers, too. For Keven, for Alex, for so many of you.
How far I've come in 17 months! Here I thought my son's rehab would cure him and he'd be all good. Little did I know then, that the saying "relapse is part of recovery" would be prophecy for my situation.
I suffered for eleven years with my own trials and tribulations, and I'm finally free of all that. Now, I can only hope that my son will finally be free.
I'm off to my women's bible study group, tonight. They're a nice group of ladies who care about me, and vice versa. One of the ladies is a meth addict, who is now 3 1/2 years clean. She's lost her rights to see her 11 year old son. It's heartbreaking, but I admire how she's turning her life around. I missed my Nar-Anon meeting, last night, because my jaw was throbbing from oral surgery last week-- and I didn't sleep well the night before. I'll try, again, for next week.
That's my son's update.
ADDENDUM ON DECEMBER 2.
I found a great website and I wanted to print this summary of JOB. I think it does a great job of explaining this book of the Old Testament:
Date of Writing: The date of the authorship of the Book of Job would be determined by the author of the Book of Job. If Moses was the author, the date would be around 1440 B.C. If Solomon was the author, the date would be around 950 B.C. Because we don’t know the author, we can’t know the date of writing.
Purpose of Writing: The Book of Job helps us to understand the following: Satan cannot bring financial and physical destruction upon us unless it is by God's permission. God has power over what Satan can and cannot do. It is beyond our human ability to understand the "why's" behind all the suffering in the world. The wicked will receive their just dues. We cannot always blame our suffering and sin on our lifestyles. Suffering may sometimes be allowed in our lives to purify, test, teach or strengthen the soul. God remains enough, deserves and requests our love and praise in all circumstances of life.
Key Verses: Job 1:1, "In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil."
Job 1:21, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."
Job 38:1-2, "Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said, 'Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?'"
Job 42:5-6, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Brief Summary: The book opens with a scene in heaven where Satan comes to accuse Job before God. He insists Job only serves God because God protects him and seeks God’s permission to test Job’s faith and loyalty. God grants His permission, only within certain boundaries. Why do the righteous suffer? This is the question raised after Job loses his family, his wealth, and his health. Job's three friends Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, come to “comfort” him and to discuss his crushing series of tragedies. They insist his suffering is punishment for sin in his life. Job, though, remains devoted to God through all of this and contends that his life has not been one of sin. A fourth man, Elihu, tells Job he needs to humble himself and submit to God's use of trials to purify his life. Finally, Job questions God Himself and learns valuable lessons about the sovereignty of God and his need to totally trust in the Lord. Job is then restored to health, happiness and prosperity beyond his earlier state.
Foreshadowings: As Job was pondering the cause of his misery, three questions came to his mind, all of which are answered only in our Lord Jesus Christ. These questions occur in chapter 14. First, in verse 4, Job asks "Who can bring what is pure from the impure? No one!?" Job’s question comes from a heart that recognizes it cannot possibly please God or become justified in His sight. God is holy; we are not. Therefore a great gulf exists between man and God, caused by sin. But the answer to Job’s anguished question is found in Jesus Christ. He has paid the penalty for our sin and has exchanged it for His righteousness, thereby making us acceptable in God’s sight (Hebrews 10:14; Colossians 1:21-23; 2 Corinthians 5:17).
Job’s second question, “"But man dies and lies prostrate; Man expires, and where is he?" (Vs. 14) is another question about eternity and life and death that is answered only in Christ. With Christ, the answer to ‘where is he?’ is eternal life in heaven. Without Christ, the answer is an eternity in “outer darkness” where there is “weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 25:30).
Job’s third question, found in verse 14, is “If a man dies, will he live again?” Once again, the answer is found in Christ. We do indeed live again if we are in Him. “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’” (1 Corinthians 15:54-55).
Practical Application: The Book of Job reminds us that there is a "cosmic conflict" going on the behind the scenes that we usually know nothing about. Often we wonder why God allows something, and we question or doubt God's goodness, without seeing the full picture. The Book of Job teaches us to trust God under all circumstances. We must trust God, not only WHEN we do not understand, but BECAUSE we do not understand. The Psalmist tells us “As for God, His way is perfect” (Psalm 18:30). If God’s ways are “perfect,” then we can trust that whatever He does—and whatever He allows—is also perfect. This may not seem possible to us, but our minds are not God’s mind. It is true that we can’t expect to understand His mind perfectly, as He reminds us “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Nevertheless, our responsibility to God is to obey Him, to trust Him and to submit to His will, whether we understand it or not.