Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Cautious Optimism

I just talked to B. I have to give him kudos that he continues to go to work, despite the stress of his boss being on his case all the time. B called to say that his boss told him that his chores need to "be perfect" because the owner of the company is coming tomorrow. He said if it's not done right, then he's fired. It seems that B's boss is on a mission to fire my son.  I want to say this-- there are always three sides to a story. His. The Boss's and the Truth.  Today, B is not feeling well. He's withdrawing, and tomorrow morning he starts his methadone. He says the suboxone just isn't working. (He still has his suboxone, which surprised me. B hasn't sold it). Still, my son went to work and got there early, today.  That's huge-- as any heroin addict can tell you. When you're feeling sick, for my son to work his tail off-- then tell me he's going to work overtime (off the time card) to make sure he does a good job-- this is good.  It's not out of my way to pick him up. I need to grab a quick bite of dinner, so I'll buy him a meal, too.

Fractal mom gently warned me to stay guarded about my optimism. I am.  I am, literally, living one day at a time with my son. I'm waiting for that "show me" moment, where my son actually does what he says he's going to.  Right now, I measure his progress day-to-day.   In a way, I feel as though I'm holding my breath and waiting to exhale-- whenever that comes.

I am going to get the money order for his methadone treatment.  Am I thrilled about his decision? Not really. But, I look at it this way-- at least he's going to be doing something legitimately. This money isn't coming out of my personal pocket. It's from his dwindling and very modest inheritance.

Tomorrow, my son will use my prepaid legal plan to talk to an attorney. For a monthly fee, I have a family plan where we can get legal advice from a genuine attorney.  I suggested that B find out his legal rights for when he gets fired-- it's going to happen.  He needs to know how to file for the unpaid overtime and for the raise he was promised, and never got. He needs to find out his rights, since he's been discriminated against for being a diabetic-- getting in trouble for going into the bathroom to inject himself with insulin.

He also needs to learn how to get out of his lease and the fact that his former roommate just left-- with all of his belongings still in the one bedroom.

I admit, that I hope my son will have no choice but to choose homelessness or a one-year program. B has voiced that, himself. Again, we shall see...

As for me-- I'm hanging in there. It's impossible for me to not think of my son.  Most of yesterday, if I thought of B, I talked to God and prayed for him.  I am praying for so many of you family of bloggers, too. For Keven, for Alex, for so many of you.

How far I've come in 17 months!  Here I thought my son's rehab would cure him and he'd be all good. Little did I know then, that the saying "relapse is part of recovery" would be prophecy for my situation.

I suffered for eleven years with my own trials and tribulations, and I'm finally free of all that.  Now, I can only hope that my son will finally be free.

I'm off to my women's bible study group, tonight.  They're a nice group of ladies who care about me, and vice versa.  One of the ladies is a meth addict, who is now 3 1/2 years clean. She's lost her rights to see her 11 year old son. It's heartbreaking, but I admire how she's turning her life around. I missed my Nar-Anon meeting, last night, because my jaw was throbbing from oral surgery last week-- and I didn't sleep well the night before.  I'll try, again, for next week.

That's my son's update.


I found a great website and I wanted to print this summary of JOB. I think it does a great job of explaining this book of the Old Testament:

Author: The Book of Job does not specifically name its author. The most likely candidates are Job, Elihu, Moses and Solomon.

Date of Writing: The date of the authorship of the Book of Job would be determined by the author of the Book of Job. If Moses was the author, the date would be around 1440 B.C. If Solomon was the author, the date would be around 950 B.C. Because we don’t know the author, we can’t know the date of writing.

Purpose of Writing: The Book of Job helps us to understand the following: Satan cannot bring financial and physical destruction upon us unless it is by God's permission. God has power over what Satan can and cannot do. It is beyond our human ability to understand the "why's" behind all the suffering in the world. The wicked will receive their just dues. We cannot always blame our suffering and sin on our lifestyles. Suffering may sometimes be allowed in our lives to purify, test, teach or strengthen the soul. God remains enough, deserves and requests our love and praise in all circumstances of life.

Key Verses: Job 1:1, "In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil."

Job 1:21, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

Job 38:1-2, "Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said, 'Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?'"

Job 42:5-6, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

Brief Summary: The book opens with a scene in heaven where Satan comes to accuse Job before God. He insists Job only serves God because God protects him and seeks God’s permission to test Job’s faith and loyalty. God grants His permission, only within certain boundaries. Why do the righteous suffer? This is the question raised after Job loses his family, his wealth, and his health. Job's three friends Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, come to “comfort” him and to discuss his crushing series of tragedies. They insist his suffering is punishment for sin in his life. Job, though, remains devoted to God through all of this and contends that his life has not been one of sin. A fourth man, Elihu, tells Job he needs to humble himself and submit to God's use of trials to purify his life. Finally, Job questions God Himself and learns valuable lessons about the sovereignty of God and his need to totally trust in the Lord. Job is then restored to health, happiness and prosperity beyond his earlier state.

Foreshadowings: As Job was pondering the cause of his misery, three questions came to his mind, all of which are answered only in our Lord Jesus Christ. These questions occur in chapter 14. First, in verse 4, Job asks "Who can bring what is pure from the impure? No one!?" Job’s question comes from a heart that recognizes it cannot possibly please God or become justified in His sight. God is holy; we are not. Therefore a great gulf exists between man and God, caused by sin. But the answer to Job’s anguished question is found in Jesus Christ. He has paid the penalty for our sin and has exchanged it for His righteousness, thereby making us acceptable in God’s sight (Hebrews 10:14; Colossians 1:21-23; 2 Corinthians 5:17).

Job’s second question, “"But man dies and lies prostrate; Man expires, and where is he?" (Vs. 14) is another question about eternity and life and death that is answered only in Christ. With Christ, the answer to ‘where is he?’ is eternal life in heaven. Without Christ, the answer is an eternity in “outer darkness” where there is “weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 25:30).

Job’s third question, found in verse 14, is “If a man dies, will he live again?” Once again, the answer is found in Christ. We do indeed live again if we are in Him. “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’” (1 Corinthians 15:54-55).

Practical Application: The Book of Job reminds us that there is a "cosmic conflict" going on the behind the scenes that we usually know nothing about. Often we wonder why God allows something, and we question or doubt God's goodness, without seeing the full picture. The Book of Job teaches us to trust God under all circumstances. We must trust God, not only WHEN we do not understand, but BECAUSE we do not understand. The Psalmist tells us “As for God, His way is perfect” (Psalm 18:30). If God’s ways are “perfect,” then we can trust that whatever He does—and whatever He allows—is also perfect. This may not seem possible to us, but our minds are not God’s mind. It is true that we can’t expect to understand His mind perfectly, as He reminds us “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Nevertheless, our responsibility to God is to obey Him, to trust Him and to submit to His will, whether we understand it or not.

© Copyright 2002-2009 Got Questions Ministries.


LisaC said...


You are doing everything right. I went to a meeting last night and talked about the fact that even after nine months of meetings and blogging, I still question every decision I make regarding Bryan, and I still worry (praying gets me through that) and I even still find myself feeling "at fault" at times. We've done the relapse thing several times and each time is heart wrenching and horrible, and I don't know if this program Bryan is in now will truly make a difference or not. And if it does not, I haven't really planned for my next step, which might be to step away...I don't know. What I do know is that my niece is clean for 15 months after 10 years of active using and horrible life-style choices, and my brother said to me just a few days ago, "Don't give up hope." So my message for you is don't give up hope. We can have hope without expectations, or we can be cautiously optimistic, but no matter what, but don't give that up.

Madison said...

Debby, God has a plan for B's life. All the situations B finds himself in will melt away when he walks in recovery. Until then, the issues around him will grow to become unmanageable, unaffordable and unbearable. This is a good thing. If he blames everything unraveling on his mean boss, discrimination, the unfairness of life, bad cops, bad luck, bad karma..bring him back to the one problem he has...drugs. Take care of yourself. God has a plan for B in the midst of all this trouble. It probably doesn't involve an attorney. :)

Fractalmom said...

Hope without expectation. Good advice. and as long as it's HIS money and not yours. However, HE should go with you and HE should get the money order HIMSELF, and then you should take him to the clinic ONE TIME for processing. After that, it's HIS problem to get there.

Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story said...

yes, my son is with me to get the money order. He has to sign the receipt as my record it came from the trust account. He fills out the money order, in front of me.
I already went to B's intake. He has to sign a release so that I go in to make the payments. I won't give him the money to do it.

Letting my son speak to an attorney, I feel, is another lesson in life. He's written down his questions. He might find that he has no basis for any kind of unemployment claim, but he needs to learn what his options are regarding his roommate who literally split, leaving all of his stuff behind.

Cheri said...

Standing with you in cautious optimism.


Angelo said...

B's story about the suboxone just not working doesn't make sense. Suboxone just "doesn't work" when it is being abused. I know what he is doing because I do it to. He's been using the suboxone then when he gets some money he'll get high then go back on the suboxone. It takes a few days to feel right again and that is why he is saying he doesn't feel well and the suboxone is "just not working". Suboxone is different then methadone. With suboxone you feel normal. There is no mood or mind altering at all. With methadone there is. I know B is doing a detox which does not work. He will be sick from the methadone after his detox ends. Methadone has a very long half life. It will build up in his system. On B's last days of detox or up to 2 days after he is done he will be meet with a horrible withdrawl. The people at the detox knows that detoxing doesn't work. They want you to get on maitenance which B should do if he doesn't want the suboxone. It should be about $35.00 to $50.00 a week.
B has a great chance of winning that lawsuit. I'm sure others will get involved especially ex emplyees who didn't get paid right for there overtime. The insulin using in the bathroom is a great addition to the lawsuit. I'm sure the golf people will settle out of court with a threat of hitting the newspapers. I wish I could kick his bosses azz is how I really feel. That guy is horrible. I'm not sure B's part in all this because at one point he loved his job right? Nevertheless he is being treated very wrongly. I wish you the best.