Still, I am struggling with not worrying about my son. "Things" have been happening with my son-- not good things. More drama, more struggles and I can see the lack of joy in my son's eyes.
As the mom of a drug addict, I feel so helpless. It pains me, most, that my son has so much drama in his life. I can't imagine what it's like to be inside his head. He's always trying to clean up his messes. Financially, he's upside down and many times it's because of his lack of follow through or planning.
My stomach is in knots. My son's new job is on the line. B told me he had a feeling he was going to be fired. He has so many other issues that he told me about. Not one of them was positive. I can only wait-- hoping that another bad phone call doesn't come. I told my son how much it hurts me when he asks me for help. I hate saying "no". His eyes are lacking that joy that I once saw. He is struggling. I like what Madison said to me-- "tough love" is really "true love". I love my son so much and I want him back.
I keep clinging to God's Word-- did you know that the bible references "fear not" 365 time? It's true. One promise for each day.
Mathew 6:34 - (The Message Version) "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Father, you know my fears. You know my love for my son. Nothing is impossible for you. Nothing. You are greater than anything else, because you are my Higher Power. You are God, my Creator. Abba Father, please fill me with your loving presence that I will not give in to fear. I trust you, Lord.