Thursday, January 8, 2009

Waiting to exhale-- loving the word "clean"

It has been over a week since I last posted about my son. I received a private email from someone who stumbled across my blog. This person expressed that their own child is experiencing a similar addiction to what I describe about my son. I am always sorry to hear their stories-- but, in a way, I find that we have found each other. We, the parents of addicts, need support. We need to know that we are not alone.

How is my son doing? Overall, he is doing much better. On the outside, I see him taking better care of himself. His skin has cleared. He is dressing much differently-- no "gangsta" look. He is sleeping at night (I can hear his snores on occasion). He has been coming home to eat dinner with us-- and I have to say, I am loving it. Dinner has always been a time where the TV is turned off. It's a time to pray over our meal, and to give thanks to God for all that we have. We break bread and talk to one another. I started posting weekly meal plans, and it's been wonderful to see my son get excited about what I'm going to make (those of you who know me, personally, are aware that I am a "foodie" and I cook with a passion and as a hobby).

My son continues to be a courteous roommate, and he has not engaged in any kind of confrontation with me or with his stepdad. Amen! Tonight, he started put a week's worth of suboxone into a baggie. He said he wanted to keep it in his car "just in case". I paused and thought to myself..."in case of what?" So, I told him that was not acceptable. I asked him to keep his suboxone in the pillbox we got for him. We are doling his suboxone out in weekly doses.
I half expected for him to get angry-- and I secretly feared he wanted to tell sell them. Thankfully, he didn't argue. He returned his prescription, and kept a cheerful attitude.

I am still very guarded about my son's sobriety. Remember-- addicts are highly manipulative and habitual liars. I recently heard that a friend's son has relapsed. I cannot tell you how much that saddened my heart. My son has relapsed twice. I am fully aware that he could relapse again.

Aside from B's risk of relapse, there are still some areas in his life that he is still a bit "wishy washy" about. I still see him putting so much value in his social life. He's still very forgetful and he still procrastinates. My husband and I try not to say much-- and neither one of us nag at him to get things done. He knows what's expected-- he needs to continue applying for jobs. He needs to go to college. We are all in counseling together.

We had our family meeting on Saturday. B is about 40% behind job application quota he agreed to do. He did 4 out of 5 meetings per week he commited to doing. He is keeping his curfew.

But-- I feel a HUGE victory. We asked our son to take a random drug test. He passed! He's clean. No opiates...and no other drugs (I have a 5-panel drug test). I was as nervous as my son was. B says he was scared that he'd get a false postive. I feared he'd get a positive and make excuses.

So, there you have it. Baby steps. One day at a time. He is far from being home free.

I'm tired, because work is very hectic. I'm taking night classes and exercising two nights a week. I won't be able to blog more than once a week. There is more I could share, but I want to share positive news tonight. I'm so thankful that tomorrow is Friday.

I continue to pray for the families of addicts-- I pray for marriages that are being tested because of the strain of it all. I pray that God will encourage our hearts.

With God, all things are possible.


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