Since April 2008, I am trying to figure out what my role is as a mother to a drug addict son who will turn 21 years old in November.
As my header says, I first began this blog as a way of sharing my son's progress while he was in detox/rehab 16 months ago. I thought this would be a less emotional way for me to keep in touch with my family and friends. They could read how my son is doing
I also wanted my blog to be my journal, knowing that when I made my blog "public" I was opening up my raw and honest feelings to total strangers. For months, I felt as though nobody was really reading my blog, except for my brothers and a few close friends. I am amazed at the comment activity that I am receiving, as of late.
I am so appreciative to hear from so many folks who share my feelings about how attending Al-Anon (or other support groups) do/don't help them. If you haven't read that posting, it's dated August 24th. I hope that you will add your own comments to that, because I think this is an important issue to share with others.
How is my son today?
He is quiet and not interacting very much with me. Last night, I told my son that his stepfather was leaving on a camping trip for a few days.
B responded, "Good. Maybe you and I can have a good talk before I leave."
"Yes, we certainly can and I think we need to", I responded.
I have been a little reserved with B since I found those disgusting heroin foils in his room. I haven't been cold, but I can feel myself putting up a protective wall around me. I haven't talked about how I feeling, to B, because I'm figuring he'll just have excuses.
"Excuses are just lies with a thin skin on them", I recently heard. I agree with that.
A prayer for my son this morning:
I pray for my son, this morning, that he would see your perfect light. My son is stuck in the thickets of evil and darkness. I pray that you would show my son that you are waiting for him, with your loving arms wide open. I pray that B will reach out and take your hands and come to you.
I pray for a miracle to come to my son, today.-------------------
Thank you Father for your love and your mercy.
In Jesus Name.
I work at a public high school and I am privy to a lot of student's confidential information. I cannot tell you how many kids are in my prayers, every single morning.
This afternoon, I was asked to call in a student to meet with a drug counselor that a parent has hired to do an intervention.
As I waited for the student, I told the woman (and I knew of her) that I wish she could help my son.
"Would you like me to talk to your son?" she asked.
My eyes welled with tears and I could feel my throat constrict (this happens when I am feeling emotional).
"I'm really good with kids. I have a gift of getting them to open up to me", she said, emphatically.
I remembered a parent telling me how fantastic this woman was in getting his own son to open up to her.
"What do you charge, I asked?"
$60.00 an hour. (I can do this, I realized)
"Yes, I would love that", I said and I had to bite back from crying at my desk.
She is going to call me. On Thursday night, I am going to tell my son I'm taking him to his favorite restaurant in the same city where her office is located.
I will take my son there, and walk around for an hour. I have no expectations about the outcome of that meeting. I only have hope.
Then, I will drive my son to the ocean, just a few minutes away.
Then, we will talk about the 5000 pound elephant.
My prayer to God right now:
Father, thank you for answering my prayers for a miracle. I pray that you will use "K" to be your voice. I pray that you will bless that one hour of time, and that my son will feel safe and that he will open up to her.
I pray for my son to see your light and that he will find strength, through You, to turn his ways from the evil that is holding him in bondage.