Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A new direction

My name is Debby and my son is a drug addict. If you are new to my blog, my son is struggling to find sobriety from an addiction to smoking heroin.

Since April 2008, I am trying to figure out what my role is as a mother to a drug addict son who will turn 21 years old in November.

As my header says, I first began this blog as a way of sharing my son's progress while he was in detox/rehab 16 months ago. I thought this would be a less emotional way for me to keep in touch with my family and friends. They could read how my son is doing

I also wanted my blog to be my journal, knowing that when I made my blog "public" I was opening up my raw and honest feelings to total strangers. For months, I felt as though nobody was really reading my blog, except for my brothers and a few close friends. I am amazed at the comment activity that I am receiving, as of late.

I am so appreciative to hear from so many folks who share my feelings about how attending Al-Anon (or other support groups) do/don't help them. If you haven't read that posting, it's dated August 24th. I hope that you will add your own comments to that, because I think this is an important issue to share with others.

How is my son today?

He is quiet and not interacting very much with me. Last night, I told my son that his stepfather was leaving on a camping trip for a few days.

B responded, "Good. Maybe you and I can have a good talk before I leave."

"Yes, we certainly can and I think we need to", I responded.

I have been a little reserved with B since I found those disgusting heroin foils in his room. I haven't been cold, but I can feel myself putting up a protective wall around me. I haven't talked about how I feeling, to B, because I'm figuring he'll just have excuses.

"Excuses are just lies with a thin skin on them", I recently heard. I agree with that.

A prayer for my son this morning:
Dear Father,
I pray for my son, this morning, that he would see your perfect light. My son is stuck in the thickets of evil and darkness. I pray that you would show my son that you are waiting for him, with your loving arms wide open. I pray that B will reach out and take your hands and come to you.
I pray for a miracle to come to my son, today.
Thank you Father for your love and your mercy.
In Jesus Name.
I work at a public high school and I am privy to a lot of student's confidential information. I cannot tell you how many kids are in my prayers, every single morning.

This afternoon, I was asked to call in a student to meet with a drug counselor that a parent has hired to do an intervention.

As I waited for the student, I told the woman (and I knew of her) that I wish she could help my son.

"Would you like me to talk to your son?" she asked.

My eyes welled with tears and I could feel my throat constrict (this happens when I am feeling emotional).

"I'm really good with kids. I have a gift of getting them to open up to me", she said, emphatically.

I remembered a parent telling me how fantastic this woman was in getting his own son to open up to her.

"What do you charge, I asked?"

$60.00 an hour. (I can do this, I realized)

"Yes, I would love that", I said and I had to bite back from crying at my desk.

She is going to call me. On Thursday night, I am going to tell my son I'm taking him to his favorite restaurant in the same city where her office is located.

I will take my son there, and walk around for an hour. I have no expectations about the outcome of that meeting. I only have hope.

Then, I will drive my son to the ocean, just a few minutes away.

Then, we will talk about the 5000 pound elephant.

My prayer to God right now:

Father, thank you for answering my prayers for a miracle. I pray that you will use "K" to be your voice. I pray that you will bless that one hour of time, and that my son will feel safe and that he will open up to her.

I pray for my son to see your light and that he will find strength, through You, to turn his ways from the evil that is holding him in bondage.




Vanessa said...

Hi Debby. I haven never commented on your site though I recently found it and have been reading ever since. I am amazed by your strength and courage. Your posts often bring me to tears. I have two small children who are 2 and 5, and I do not have to worry about addiction at this point in my life. However, reading your blog shows me that you can raise a child to the best of your ability and still have outcomes you didn't choose. I only hope that I would have the strength that you and your husband do. I pray for you and your family often. I hope that B can be helped but mostly that he will want to help himself. Thank you for sharing your story.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

The day my son was arrested several months ago, he was so out of it on morophine and oxycontin I just knew he was going to overdose. I was at work and had gone to the bathroom. I cried and I prayed to the Lord with all my might for a divine intervention for my son. I received a phone call at work from an officer who happens to be my neighbor (i also work at the court), he said he had just arrested my son. I looked up and just smiled for that divine intervention. God hears our prayers, and he heard yours and maybe this will be your son's divine intervention, I will pray for that.

ChaiLatte said...

Prayers that B opens up to the counselor and really wants to better his life, for himself. Hugs to you Debby.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Debby, it may not seem like much but to me the fact that B wants to talk to you, to have a "good talk" says a lot!! My son avoids talking to me about all this and hates it when I bring it up. I think you are doing all you can to help him...and that's all we can do, provide resources and opportunities and leave the rest up to them (and God). You're doing an excellent job! Enjoy your time alone with B.

Anonymous said...

Dear Debby,

As I read your blog today I got chills and was crying with joy. I commented on your blog once about the show intervention on channel A&E (actually I comment alot under anonymous, because I don't know how to use the google acct). But anyway, I KNOW this is God answering all our prayers for B.

Keep the faith and don't let go of your hope. We are all praying for you and B.

A Recovering Drug Addict..Carolyn