Friday, November 13, 2009

Coasting,thinking, pausing

My son just called. I'm at the point where I'm waiting for him to ask for help.
He did. I said no. He hung up. This is all emotional blackmail and I hate it.

I'm trying, but I feel my stomach tightening.

I might take a break from blogging, for a bit. I need to digest so much of what's been said here. I'm researching meetings I could go to. We just got a nar-anon where I live, which is very new.

I need to take a hard look at balancing my life. What meeting(s) will I go to?

My husband and I are okay. We talked things through. He talked to my son. 

Things are so uncertain. I'm definitely feeling stressed. I'll be spending more time visiting other blogs. Yeah, I should take a break from here.  Just for a bit.


LisaC said...

Debby, blogging on your site is to be a release for you. It is a place to go to ask advice, if you wish; but remember, although everyone one of us has similar circumstances, each is unique. I sense you feel bad or judged or maybe just confused (that's where I spend a lot of time...confused...when I'm not scared for my son).

Please hang in there. Stay connected with your husband. When it is all said and done you need each other the most.

I think you are doing great.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

I agree with Lisa C. You are doing great, I am sure milestones from when this all began for you and your family. We all are confused and question our decisions with our addicted kids, sometimes daily. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now. And yes, you and your husband cuddle and cling together right now. This too shall pass. God Bless.

Cynthia Newcomer Daniel said...


Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Hey Debby, I understand how you feel. I agree with both ladies above me, your a special lady and are making the decisions you need to make for your son. Its exhausting when is this merry-go-round going to STOP going around and around???

Prayer Girl said...

I will miss you. I'll be looking for your return.

I am so glad you're going to be going to meetings. Meetings, getting a sponsor, working the 12 steps have changed my life.

Finding balance is a beautiful spiritual gift that I found through the process of recovery.

I pray for you.

Steve said...

At Novus Medical Detox Center, we deal with addicted people every day. Although it is obvious, no one can help an addicted person until they have reached the point where they are ready to change. They are the best manipulators in the world and it is hard to tell but please be there for when he is ready.

OxyContin is legal heroin.


Anonymous said...

Take a few days off of blogging if you feel you need to, but also, if you get the urge to write, do it but just in a word processor instead of posting it. Write for yourself. Maybe once you're a little bit less stressed you will be able to post it, or maybe not.

Fractalmom said...

I totally understand. I quit actually blogging because even though it was cathartic to get my feelings out, no matter WHAT they were, it was like I was still IMMERSED in the addicts fallout world.

I wanted my LIFE back, free from the fallout of the dysfunction caused by my addict. The phone calls (cut off), the worrying, the whole thing surrounding being the parent of an addict.

I just desperately needed normalcy and blogging everyday was keeping me mentally involved in the addiction.

I stopped for a long while. As a matter of fact, I am still sort of on hiatus.

It means my life is centered around my family who is not addicted, my other children, my grandbabies whom I am raising and NOT the addict.

It is very freeing. When I have worries, I take them to church and leave them with God.

then I go home and concentrate on living without the craziness of addiction poisoning my life.

I totally understand.

give us a drop now and then to say

I am WELL !! I am confident !! I am working through it !!

we shall miss you, but all of us understand.


Annette said...

Sometimes you get too much information going on and it just becomes a big muddled mess. So yeah, step back if you need to. I think thats why in Alanon when they say they don't give advice or tell you want to do...there is a reason for that. Recovery is a journey of self discovery.

Cheri said...


Everyone who has left a comment has said it so well, there is nothing left to say...

Except to let you know that we love you and are keeping you in prayer.

Do what you need to do.

Blessings and hugs,
Cheri and Wayne

Angelo said...

It must be the hardest ting in the world to say no but you did like you should have. Suboxone is generic know. It is down to $2.45 a pill from $7.50 where I live. If he goes to the big pharmacies (riteaid, CVS, walmart) ask them for the generic. They may have to order it.


Madison said...

Debby, our hearts go out to you. I'm pasting in information written for parents from the Hazelden treatment center website about their parent program because it shows how we, as parents, have to take care of ourselves. Don't get discouraged. I think most of us have been right where you are. I also took a hard look at balancing my life and was stunned by how out of balance I was. But, you grow into that through your own desperation. This is all not so easy. Addiction is a family disease. I trust that God is answering your prayers. Peace, my friend. This Hazelden information is not a suggestion that you go, just an example that we all need to be educated about this disease.

"It is important for parents to learn how alcohol and drug addiction has impacted their lives. During their stay in the Parent Program, the primary caregivers are shown how they have suffered some of the same symptoms of addiction as their young person. It is also important for parents to learn about what they have control over and what they do not. We believe that parents have control over themselves, their own behaviors and attitudes, and their own recovery. They also have control over how they spend their financial resources, allocate resources, and determine what is acceptable behavior in your home. We discuss how to let go of taking responsibility for the addicted person's disease and their recovery process.

By the time most parents arrive at CYF, they often need to relearn how to focus energy into themselves and their significant relationships because all their energy has been focused on the addicted person. Often this is referred to as "Detaching with Love" which can be described as choosing to be in relationship with someone you love and care for without losing yourself in the relationship. It means not doing for others what they need to do for themselves. It means loving the person not their behaviors."

Lou said...

Oh, I know how that hurts to say no to them. They turn it around on you so quick, but it's not your fault. But they sure can convince you that it is.

Some days I just don't feel like blogging about "the whole mess," and I'll blog about something else. People who read me seem to enjoy the break! So c'mon Debby, tell us something about the joys in your life.

Anonymous said...

Don't listen to anyone but your heart and God. I read all these blogs and appreciate every one, but only you know your son and your circumstances. My son plays me like your son does; they are good boys who are drug addicts. You are a good mother. You have put yourself out there on your blog; you are braver than me. I don't do it because some people are so hard. Don't stop blogging. You mean a lot to a lot of us. I am codependent with my son, too. It ain't that easy to stop. Much love and prayers to you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry Deb. Take as much time as you need. I wish you peace.

hugs, MH