Thursday, March 25, 2010

Nuclear Meltdown - my son is coming apart at the seams ... how can I help? How can God help?

 Dear Son,

You are retreating into your cave again, and I can hear the fear in your voice.  I am praying for you. I am praying for me.  Just some thoughts:

When life spins out of control.
You can choose to become a victim. 
You can blame your woes on everyone else.

How to set yourself up to fail:
Financially - borrow money, banking that you'll be able to pay it back.
If you are counting on robbing Peter to pay Paul...that is, collecting money owed to you, to pay back someone you owe money to-- you are playing Russian Money Roulette.

Once your brain has gotten a sweet taste of drugs, it becomes a hunger that wants to be fed.
The need to be fed become bigger than life. It becomes like that evil God-- Baal-- that led people of the Old Testament to feed live babies into the fire to feed it.
Baal represents the evil of evils in worship.

The Dark One's greatest weapon:
In order to keep you in bondage with drug addiction, the greatest weapon that Satan has is to throw enough situations at you, that you will collapse.  He wants you to feel despair to the point that you will seek release by using. To sweeten his grasp on you, he might even put you into a situation to steal, deal and to take what isn't yours. He will even convince you that it's okay.

Recovery cannot stand a chance of suceess without the tools you need.
Baal will continue call out to be fed.
The evil of addiction is powered by the Dark One. The Dark One is very clever.
"It" will feed you lies.
"It" will promise you sweet escape from the stresses of life.
"It" has such a powerful hold on it's victim, that it will justify the lies it takes to get what it wants.

The battle of addiction, being evil, can only be won by the power of Good.
God is Good.
God is Love.
God is Merciful.

You can choose the support of your friends. BUT--
If your friends are drug addicts, they will pull you right back into the Pit of Evil.

The support that will save you, and keep you, and encourage you comes from Good.
The 12-steps works.  If you don't like the groups in our area, there are other resources.

That is why I chose to change my own life circumstances. I got tired of the constant worry, and battles in my life.  I am so thankful that my life was so miserable, so lonely and so hopeless and that I found my Savior in Christ Jesus.

I have come to believe that God allowed my pain and suffering as a way for me to finally reach a dead end.  I also believe that God was not the cause of my own pain and suffering.

I was.

God gave each of us "free will" to make our own choices.  While nothing is impossible for God, He is not going to force you to accept him as your Creator.

YOU can CHOOSE to change your life.
Life isn't easy, and God never said it would be.
We are living in the World in a way he did not create it to be.
We are living in a world that is fighting against good and evil.
You have a choice to make--

1.  Keep trying to deal with the stress of life-- drugs, money, roommate problems-- on your own. How's it working for you?

2.  Choose to give it all to God and to make an effort to live life with integrity, which is how God wants us to be.  It will not be an easy journey.  Our character is so used to doing things our way-- and God wants us to do it HIS way.  We are a work in progress. God knows we will stumble and fall. BUT, if we learn to trust in Him, to get to know Him, he can change our heart.

I am speaking from my own experience. 

I pray that you will find that when trouble comes, it is FAITH alone, that gives us strength.

I have been working on change my heart for twelve years.  I never want to go back to the way I used to treat people, and my own lack of good character.

I pray that for you, son.

I know you are in trouble, right now. I can feel it.  You are having a meltdown.

I'm on my knees praying for you. Remember, you are a sick as the secrets you keep.


Bristolvol said...

Beautiful post, Debbie. Thanks for sharing these thoughts and prayers with us. I can so totally relate. God bless.

Karen said...

Very wise words in this letter to your son...praying with you...sometimes that is all we can do...sometimes that is all that is needed....

Tom at Recovery Helpdesk said...

Debby, I respect your faith and beliefs. I consider myself a person of faith too.

I hope you don't mind me writing a little bit about my thoughts about describing addiction by using the language of good and evil. I don't mean this as a direct response to you, and certainly don't mean to attack you or be critical of you personally.

I wouldn't even respond because this is a sensitive area, but I feel strongly about this.

It is tempting to speak about drugs and drug use in terms of good and evil. Some people use this kind of talk metaphorically, and others mean what they say literally.

My concern is that when people demonize the drug (an inanimate object), and cast the struggle against addiction in terms of a struggle between good and evil, they risk demonizing the drug user --especially a drug user who isn't currently winning the fight.

Do parents really want to demonize their children?

To me, addiction is only evil in the way that cancer is evil. They both cause suffering and harm. Nobody deserves addiction any more than people deserve cancer. Failure to conquer addiction is no more a moral failing than failure to conquer cancer.

Part of addiction is compulsive use of the drug. This compulsion, fueled by cravings, can make it seem like the drug use is more voluntary than it is. Continued compulsive use in spite of negative consequences can make the addicted person seem depraved.

This can make it tempting to see the drug user as worshiping the drug, like a false idol.

How demoralizing to be addicted, and then be made to feel that your addiction means that you are depraved at your most personal level...your very soul.

This horrifies me, especially since I know that most people who are addicted do not really understand for themselves why they can't stop using, and already feel like scum.

Addiction is not just some sort of morality play between good and evil.

As with cancer, there are genetic, biological, physiological, psychological, behavioral, medical and other components to the struggle.

It isn't fair to reduce such a complex experience into a one-dimensional moral conflict with the addicted person placed on the razor's edge between hero and villain.

It isn't fair(or to me moral)to make vulnerable, suffering people feel worse about themselves by framing their struggle with addiction in this way.

The fight against addiction, or cancer, or depression takes courage --and faith is a great comfort and source of strength. But telling an addicted person that living with addiction is to dwell in a pit of evil is not comforting or empowering.

Words matter and we have to choose them carefully. Why not say that the person living with addiction is resting in God's arms, like a feverish baby rests in the arms of her mother? Now that would be comforting and empowering.

As they say, there are no atheists in a fox hole. Addiction does bring many people to reach beyond themselves in search of a higher power. That is different to me than using the language of good and evil, or the personification of a substance into a demon as a stick to drive an addicted person to God.

The misuse of moral terms in relation to addiction results in enormous harm to people living with addiction. This is exactly what gives politicians and others permission to incarcerate people instead of providing them with effective treatment, just to give one example.

Thank you for letting me share my perspective.

Heather's Mom said...

Debby - what a beautiful post! I am going to print it out (I hope you don't mind) and someday - if the opportunity presents, be able to share it with Heather. There is so much truth in your words, but in a loving, kind way.
From last night's post - oh my gosh - it feels awful as a parent to have another parent say bad things about your kid :( No matter what! Once a father brought a police officer as he stood on our driveway and yelled at us... (well, my husband, I think I was a chicken and stayed inside) arrgh... Through this journey(?) (for lack of abetter word) I've learned there is no room for pride here. Which is a good thing to get rid of anyway!
God bless!
Praying for B - and you of course!

Barbara said...

Debby, I am sorry B is going through a difficult time...but I am glad he has you as a loving supportive mother. Keep us posted.

A Mom' Serious Blunder said...

I am praying too... God hear all of our prayers. I will remember this post for a long time. I could have written it three days ago. It speaks volumes and I hope your son sees it.

Cheri said...

Dear Debby,

Your post was beautiful and reminded me of a similar letter I wrote to my own son.

Tom's post was heartfelt and sincere, though I feel I must offer my unsolicited opinion on the subject: I do not think that sharing the truth with B is demonizing him, but rather planting seeds into his life for a later harvest.

Hang in there. Praying for you and your family.

Hugs and prayers,

Angelo said...

That was so powerful Deb. I read it twice.