I'm having some sort of pinched nerve pain in my upper back area. It's totally random, and I don't know why. I worked a 14 hour day, between my job at the high school and selling football tickets at the high school. It's fun, because I know most of the kids and it's a little extra pocket money. It was 10pm, by the time I got home, and I was hurtin'. I took an Aleve and slept on ice (not fun) and woke up at 10am...actually, I was jarred awake by my husband calling to remind me to take another Aleve.
As I write this, I'm still feeling very groggy. It's 10:30am.
The phone rang, and it was B.
"Mom!" (loud, and excited voice). "You won't believe what just happened to me!! It's totally craaaaaaaaazy!"" Oh, my God...!"
My heart leaps and adrenalin really jolts me to an awakened state.
"What??!!" I quickly ask.
(Background noise and muffled voice ).... my son is saying something like, "no, I don't have change for a $20.
I realize it's his roommate's voice, MA. I hear them talking back and forth, and it sounds like it's over money.
"Let me call you right back, B" says and he hangs up.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
So far, the phone hasn't rung.
I picked it up to call back, and put it down.
No, this is B's constant drama. I have to preoccupy myself with other things.
What happened to him? Lord, I pray it's good news. Please, let it be good news.
It's a crazy life, isn't it, having a drug addict for a son?
Stay tuned...
It's 1:30pm. I want to throw up, I'm so heart sick.
I can't really talk about it, in depth.
#1 - a "friend" spent the night at their apartment and overdosed, snorting oxycontin and cocaine. B says he wasn't using, and didn't know the friend had it on him. An ambulance took him away at 7:30am, and he's alive.
#2 B was given the option to either quit or be fired from his grocery store job. They suspect he was high, some days, and so he is unemployed
#3 B starts his new job on the 15th. He's broke and hungry.
I'm going to bring him so milk, bread and juice (for his low blood sugars). He did not ask me for money.
Dear God, please give me strength. I feel sick to my stomach...
To my loved ones-- please don't call me right now. I'm becoming an introvert, at this time. I need to process all of this. I have my Heavenly Father, my loving husband and wonderful friends and bloggers who are praying for us.
Thank you. Please pray for all of us. It helps.
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5 comments:
Oh Debby. I am holding your hand right now. Silently. Not knowing what to say but knowing how you feel. I'm praying.
I wonder if the pinched nerve has to do with stress???...mine recently was relieved by acupuncture and percocet (which I would never have in the house if my son was home)
I was wondering why I hadn't heard from you today...I'm so sorry. From the sound of the original phone call, I was hopeful.
I don't know what else to say other than my thoughts are with you and your son.
Hang in there Momma.
MH
B has choices. He chose to hang out with addicts. He allowed into his apartment an addict who took so many drugs that an ambulance had to be called to take him away. B has choices. He chose to get high before going to work. B has a moment to reflect on what this drug escapade as cost him. He's tired because he was up all night. He's hungry because he lost his job and spent all his money. This is a magical moment in the life of a drug addict. Time to reflect on what drugs have done. Ah, wait, here comes mom to the rescue with milk, bread and supplies. Maybe next time B will learn what it's like to be hungry and not take responsibility for providing his own food.
Madison, I understand what you are saying. I ended up staying home. I didn't rescue him with supplies.
Off to bed, to try and sleep.
I know your story. I know it well enough to fill in the spaces of your silence when you can not breathe, when you can not think, when your prayers turn to jagged sobs.
I don't like that phrase "they have to hit bottom" or they haven't "hit bottom".
I understand your wanting to do anything and everything to lift him up, to ease his pain, to show him your love.
I can tell you will not give up on this child of yours. God bless and help you. For my child the bottom equaled dead. There is nothing more.
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