Thursday, June 12, 2008

A Mother's Love isn't always Tough Love

B called me during my lunch break. He sounded really sad and stressed out.

As I anticipated, his roommate gave my son a bill for the cost of moving into their new apartment and it's about $1100.00. B was most upset that his roommate "blew up" at him and then he stormed out. As tough as my son talks, he has a sensitive heart and I could tell that he was upset.

My son is getting his first lesson in living with another person-- be it someone's wife, relative or friend, cohabitation can either be blissful or stressful.

I'm not surprised that this has happened. I also believe that the best thing B can do is to call his sponsor and talk about it. B needs to go to a meeting, because they can help. I also know my son very well-- and it's very hard for him to tell the truth. By that, I think it's very hard for him to understand that admitting to someone that you need help is not a bad thing. Instead, my son has an excuse for everything. I guess this is a "macho" thing.

I did the best that I could, though. "See, I told you so" was not in my vocabulary. I do, however, think that B's roommate jumped into too fast in co-signing a lease with a 19 year old boy who didn't have a full-time job. Signing a 15-month lease for a $1500.00 apartment was a very hasty decision that the two of them made together. I was not consulted in making this decision, or I would've pointed out to each of them that they were making a commitment that was highly risky.

I don't want to see B's roommate get the short end of the stick in this situation. I wonder if his roommate assumed that B's parents would pay the rent... if he did, he make a presumption that couldn't be farther from the truth.

So, all I could do was to suggest that the two of them need to have a good talk, later on today. It's better that B's roommate left, so that anger would not lead to hard feelings. I hope that, once they both calm down, the two of them could work things out. This was very painful for me, because my mother's instinct is to want to hold my son, kiss his forehead and give him the nurturing that God created me to have in my heart. Once again, I am worried for him.

I suggested to my son that he needs to give a weekly amount of money "in good faith" to his roommate. If the roommate can wait until August 15th, when the trust account CD matures, the first month's rent can be reimbursed to him.

I reminded my son, however, that there was still next month's rent to think about-- and that he absolutely, positively had to get a job. NOW!

My son sounded so despondent, that it tore at my heart. No matter what any book, psychologist or well-meaning friend or relative says-- it breaks my heart to hear my son feeling so genuinely down. He is feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders and he's in high risk of needing drugs to deal with the stress of it. Yes, B brought a lot of this onto himself. But, still, he's that precious boy that I grew inside my stomach, gave birthday and raised with more love than I thought was possible.

Yes, I know that I am powerless to help him. I also know that giving him money isn't the answer, either.

All I could do was offer compassion and I tried to encourage him. I reminded him to turn to God, first. I think that we (Christians) often overlook the fact that the "Destroyer's" deception is very strong-- robbing us of our hope, our joy and convincing us that everything we do is wrong can lead us into depression and into making choices that are not part of God's plan for us.

When I am feeling really down, I have learned to look UP and to tell God how I feel. I can't tell you how many times that I have blessed with a strong sense of His presence. I do believe that our Lord feels our pain, he sees our tears and wants to bless us. But, sometimes, God has to let us suffer through out struggles as a way to get our attention. Sometimes our suffering is His way of teaching us strength and how to grow even closer to Him.

I know this, because I have spent plenty of times on my knees, crying and praying because I felt that the burdens in my life were more than I could bear. But, each time, God gave me a way out and he has restored my life. Until we are willing to be honest with God-- who already knows everything we say or do-- he cannot heal us. Surrendering to God's will opens us up to receiving his blessings.

It makes me so sad to hear my son's despair in his voice. But, I can only pray that my son will cry out to God and that he will have the courage to face his problems, and that he will do something about it.

He needs to spend every single day looking for a job. He will find one. Please, B, turned to our Lord for wisdom and strength.

Dear Jesus, you know how afraid my son is. I pray that my son will pick up his bible, and read the "911" Psalm 91:1 that I turn to when I feel lost. I pray that B will find strength in your promise that you will never leave us nor forsake us. Thank you for all that you have done to help my son with his addiction. Please, keep him from temptation and be his armor and shield against the attacks of the Destroyer.

In Jesus' Name,


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