Monday, June 30, 2008

90 Days of Sobriety-- I sure hope so

The last timed that I blogged, I said that my son is using again. I might have been too hasty-- and I sure hope so.

"Heresay" is an interesting thing. I heard this from someone who heard it from another person, who heard it from someone else. Three tiers of people who all know and love my son, but I fell for "heresay". The information didn't have any proof...just suspicion. But, how well does this person know my son. Not that well, I found out.

Is my son using? I can only pray that he isn't. I did see B on Saturday night. He arrived at my house, late at night, with a big smile on his face and a warm hug for me. We chatted for a while, though my eyes were getting very heavy with sleep. I'm just not used to staying up so late!

I told B that many of us were worried that he's relapsed. He explained that it wasn' t possible for two reasons-- he says that he doesn't have the money to buy the drugs (and that's true, because we're looking at $100-$200 a day to support his habit) ...and that is he was using, he'd be so loaded that he'd be completely out of it.

Now that he mentioned that, I remember seeing him the day before we took him into treatment. His eyes were half closed and he was as lethargic as you can get. If he held something in his hand, his fingers would become limp and it would fall to the ground. He really was a walking zombie.

So, here sat my son with a big smile, bright eyes and speaking very coherently. As far as I can tell, he's the son I knew before the drugs took over his life.

Addicts lie. It's just something they have learned in order to get whatever drug or drink that they need. Addicts become so good at lying, that I believe they start to believe their very own lies.

Is my son lying? I have no idea. I can only hope and pray that he is on the road to a successful recovery. My son did thank me for all that I've done for him. He did tell me, several times, that he loves me-- and I do believe he means it.

While B was sleeping in his old room, I could not help but peek through the door. There was my precious boy, with his long legs and mouth wide open snoring in a deep sleep. For a brief moment, I remembered those precious days of watching my little baby sleeping to peacefully in his crib.

He's going to be 20 years old in just a few months. His life has been a very happy one, until oxycontin nearly killed him. It will be 90 days, tomorrow, since B was admitted into a treatment center for detox. So much has happened since then-- he moved into a Sober Living Environment and made fast friends with his roommate (who is old enough to be his dad). The two of them moved into a house with a third friend and that didn't work out. The guy turned out to be a raging drunk, who had relapsed. He's moved into an apartment with his friend/roommate and he totaled his car.

That is a lot for a 19 year old boy to go through, let along any adult.

I continue to try to be supportive to him. I'm trying to encourage him, yet I'm still trying to prod him into finding a full-time job. Still, he's just a kid and it's a tough world out there. I worry that he doesn't have the lifeskills that my mother taught me at an early stage.

I will travel to see B in the next couple of weeks, because my 30-day vacation is about to begin in 30 minutes.

I'm tired. I am looking forward to some R&R and to restore my heart of worship to my Lord.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The summer is here and the school is out. How are you? Are you going away for personal space and peace?

Peter Shin