Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Drug Addict's Mother's great fear...

I’m trying to function on very little sleep. The great fear that any parent has is that something terrible would happen to their child. Whether my son is a toddler, 20 years old, or a mature man—he will always be my precious child. I saw that, because B came home last night, and he looked terrible.

What I noticed is that he was talking a mile a minute. This is not a good thing, because that is how he acted when he was loaded. I noticed that his eyes were hooded— like he was about to fall asleep.

He’s sick with a really bad sore throat and his neck glands are swollen. But, what worried me is that he was dropping things… and that is reminiscent of my brief relationship with a man who turned out to be an alcoholic and drug addict. Like Voldemort, in Harry Potter, I don’t mention this man’s name much. He was a very brief drive-by marriage when my son was 10 years old. I shudder, every time I am reminded of that man’s hooded eyes, slurred speech and lack of coordination. I was too naïve to recognize that these are strong symptoms of substance abuse. That’s how B seemed to be. I told B that I was really worried about his “symptoms” and he offered to take a drug test.

My husband and I decided to ask for a drug test. But B said he just went to the bathroom and he needed to drink a glass of water. He muttered that he resented that we didn’t trust him. B went to sleep and so we decided to wait until today to drug test him. We figure that, if he’s using, what day we test would not matter.

I am deep in prayer than my fears are unfounded. Oh, how I pray that he is not using opiates again! If he is taking his suboxone (and not selling it), then he can’t use opiates. At least, that’s how suboxone is supposed to work.

But, drug addicts are sneaky and they are master manipulators. They do not hesitate to lie, when confronted with having to speak the truth.

And that’s how my short-lived, miserable re-marriage once was. This was before my son became addicted to drugs.

I will post how things go, as soon as I know.

Please, Lord, protect my son from the demon of addiction that wants to call my son’s name. I pray that B will only desire to resist the temptation of using drugs.


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