Thursday, September 17, 2009
I wanted to quickly post that today I am feeling hopeful (for my son) and I am adjusting to my son no longer living with me. I can walk past his room and not feel a longing for him.
I am beginning to let go of my anxiety and fear-- and this morning, I had an overwhelming longing to hold my husband. My son has sucked the life out of my marriage. I'm blessed that C has been so patient with me, through all of this. My marriage hasn't suffered collateral damage, but I have been remiss in being a wife. I've been the mom of a drug addict for so many months, that my husband has patiently stood by the sidelines.
I feel as though I can laugh again. I think of my son, often, of course. When I do, I literally say a silent prayer to God, telling Him that I cannot live in fear. If I live in fear, then I am telling God that I don't trust him.
Barbara-- I pray that you will receive this message, today. Trust God.
Tuesday night, I attended the first meeting for a Women's Bible Study. I absolutely loved it. I need to connect with more Christian women. There is such power and healing in group prayer. I have daily readings and studies to do, and I need that kind of accountability. Today, I will drive 3 miles to the ocean (I can't walk it due to my bad knee). Overlooking the beautiful Pacific Ocean, with a view of one of the most famous golf courses in the world-- I will read God's Word and reflect on it.
I am going to focus on keeping myself spiritually, maritally and physically fit.
My son called me two days ago, asking if he could have my old lap top. I will give it to him, this weekend. C fears that my son will sell it. I don't-- it's old, slow and freezes often. He is working at golf course, and he says he loves it. I am happy for him, because he's a good golfer and he can play golf for free.
That's all I have heard from my son, since Sunday. He is alive. I am thankful that he isn't calling me. At this time, no calls is good news to me.
The first chance I get, I want to post some comments that have touched my heart. I've received some private emails, too-- and I will post them, hoping they will touch your hearts, too.