Thursday, September 17, 2009

Just a quick update on me-- not my son


I wanted to quickly post that today I am feeling hopeful (for my son) and I am adjusting to my son no longer living with me.  I can walk past his room and not feel a longing for him.

I am beginning to let go of my anxiety and fear-- and this morning, I had an overwhelming longing to hold my husband. My son has sucked the life out of my marriage. I'm blessed that C has been so patient with me, through all of this.  My marriage hasn't suffered collateral damage, but I have been remiss in being a wife. I've been the mom of a drug addict for so many months, that my husband has patiently stood by the sidelines.

I feel as though I can laugh again. I think of my son, often, of course. When I do, I literally say a silent prayer to God, telling Him that I cannot live in fear. If I live in fear, then I am telling God that I don't trust him.

Barbara-- I pray that you will receive this message, today. Trust God.

Tuesday night, I attended the first meeting for a Women's Bible Study. I absolutely loved it. I need to connect with more Christian women.  There is such power and healing in group prayer.  I have daily readings and studies to do, and I need that kind of accountability. Today, I will drive 3 miles to the ocean (I can't walk it due to my bad knee).  Overlooking the beautiful Pacific Ocean, with a view of one of the most famous golf courses in the world-- I will read God's Word and reflect on it.

I am going to focus on keeping myself spiritually, maritally and physically fit.

My son called me two days ago, asking if he could have my old lap top. I will give it to him, this weekend. C fears that my son will sell it. I don't-- it's old, slow and freezes often.  He is working at golf course, and he says he loves it.  I am happy for him, because he's a good golfer and he can play golf for free.

That's all I have heard from my son, since Sunday. He is alive. I am thankful that he isn't calling me. At this time, no calls is good news to me.

The first chance I get, I want to post some comments that have touched my heart. I've received some private emails, too-- and I will post them, hoping they will touch your hearts, too.

6 comments:

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

This is great news that you are trusting God and finding peace. Also, I know too well how us mothers of addicts can neglect our husbands. I am also very lucky to have my husband as he is my best friend and so patient. Sounds like both you and your son are growing:)

Dad and Mom said...

This is a good move for you and your son.

Madison said...

Debby, I think we both married great guys. We're walking in the same direction.

Laura said...

Thank you for visiting my blog today and I'm so happy to have come over to yours. We are all in this together..and God being God is merciful enough to bring others alongside in life....to lift us up. Great post today..and I wish and pray for your son recovery and a renewed life.

Hugs,

Laura

Cheri said...

Debby,

I rejoice with you in this step towards a healthier you!

A dear friend counseled me when hubby and I arrived home from dropping our son at rehab that now was "our time." She told me that we had given years to our son, and that it was time now for us to reinvest in one another and in our two girls who were still at home.

It was one of the single most valuable pieces of advice we received in this journey, and it is advice I have since shared with others on this path.

Enjoy your marriage and do not ever let the enemy make you feel guilty for not pining for your son. You have placed him in God's hands, and there is not better place he could possibly be!

Blessings,
Cheri

Gledwood said...

I'm not surprised you believe in God. If I had kids or a kid on heroin I think I would run to God. Or kill myself, so you have my full respect. I am an addict myself and I know how you feel because I got into it big time when I was going out with another addict. In the beginning, before the addiction really got me, I remember thinking a lot "she might be dead tomorrow morning" ...