I'm having a good week, and I'm thankful for it. Last night, I went back to my former Friday tradition of making a Happy Hour treat for my husband (C) and me to celebrate our weekend off. I start emptying out the fridge by making antipasti, cold cuts, fruit & cheese and a glass of white wine or a cold beer. We eat in the living room and talk about our week. We haven't done this in many months. We finished off the evening by watching an independent movie DVD and cuddling on the couch.
Do I miss my son? No. I'm enjoying a more tranquil home and bonding with my husband. I think of my son, all the time.
I received this email, and the author said it was okay to share this on my blog. Her words gave me hope, and I am happy that she has been able to regain a life of sobriety. I feel that her letter deserves to be shared with you, my readers...family...blogger friends:
Hi Debby:-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My name is "c"; No one but a very small handful of people know this and it is still hard to speak about it yet I was a heroin addict for about 10 years in my late 20's to almost 40. I am 60 now and clean for over 20 years.
It seems like a lifetime ago. It is.
The reason I am writing is my heart cracked reading your blog. Addicts/users/dopers whatever the label is forget that family is affected more than anyone knows.
My comment to you is never give up on him. He is unique as his story is only his. I did not do AA/NA or any of the 12 step programs as I had an issue with giving myself up to others and since I started this journey by self I wanted to end it the same way. I felt (still do) feel they brain wash you; I know people who were clean for 17 and 19 years and missed meetings and got back into it. Yes, it does work for lots of people yet he is is unique.
I do not have a "birthday" and I do not remember the exact time I first stuck a needle into my arm; so I could not give it power and have a birthday for quitting.
i know for a fact that the time will come that he will be well and your sane son again. There will come a time that he will not think about what it felt like and there will come a time he will not remember that it was anything!!!
I almost lost the love of my 3 daughters; now I am a Grandma of 4 and they all love me.
My Mom (she is 100) forgave me and that was sooooooooooooo important to me.
Please know he is first your son and he will be okay when it is his time!!!
I read some of the comments; everyone, including me, have an opinion and believe me, he is lying to you and himself. He is not wanting to get caught; heroin addicts think they are slick.
Looks are just looks; an addict is an addict; preppy/homeless/surfer/skate border/waitress/comic/actress/girl next door are still addicts; if he thinks he is different or a free rehab will not work, it won't BECAUSE he is NOT ready!!!
I sold heroin and cocaine to support my habit and I had famous singers, musicians and actors as customers.
I take it you are a Californian as you spoke of him going to the Bay area; Northern Californian's say Bay area. I use to live in San Francisco (during the later part of being hooked) and what an easy place to be an addict.
I now live in Southern California and yes, I was hooked down here in the beginning. You take your addiction with you. It is NOT the city, the friends or a way of living. It is you (B).
These are my thoughts; I am a survivor of my own self made hell.
Yes, I o'd many times; emergency rooms, stomach pumped and so much that you do not need to hear.
Never give up; and do not loose yourself or your husband trying to save your son.
Yes, I am anonymous as I have a decent life with people that might just not like me if they knew of my past so I remain anonymous.
Take care
peace
c
Thank you, C, for sharing this.
I'm off to enjoy the day, with my husband, after tidying up my house a bit. We are expecting an unprecedented heat wave. We live in an area where air-conditioning is non-existent. I don't do well in heat! Yikes. While I don't miss my son living with us, I think of him constantly. When that pang of sorrow hits me, I practice "giving it to God". I do not have the power to change my son's situation... but I have the power, through God's love, to find peace in my life-- even when the storms of life hit.
Praying for families of addicts, and for addicts who are struggling to find sobriety-- ONE DAY AT A TIME.
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8 comments:
There are those that are an inspiration and give us hope. I am grateful for them and they always seem to appear just at the right time.
Thanks for sharing that email. I love the advice not to lose yourself or your husband while your son walks his own path. And I love that you seem to be doing just that.
'C' us right. Do not lose yourself or your husband trying to save your son.
Heroin, alcohol, prescription drugs, sex, food ~ it doesn't matter the addiction. Until the addict him or herself wants to change, he or she won't.
And do not feel guilty for enjoying the peace of a home not disrupted by the presence of an addict. Your love for your son will always be part of you, will always be in your heart, but you do not have to watch him self-destruct to prove that you love him.
Blessings and prayers,
Cheri
Thank you for sharing that amazing letter of hope. It always feels good when we take care of ourselves over and above anything else. You seem to be taking action on "c"'s advice, good for you!
Your strength is such an inspiration. My teenage son is in court-ordered rehab for heroin/opiate addiction in SoCal. I'm constantly amazed at how parallel all our stories are. There are probably many more like me who appreciate your blog (& those of other parents of addicted children) who for whatever reason, don't leave comments. Just wanted you (& the other bloggers) to know your words go farther than you know...
Tracy :)
I read your blog for the first time. Until I read your blog, and one that led me to yours, I felt like I was the only one out there blogging as the mom of a heroine addict. I discovered my son's addiction in March 2008, and we tried a couple of approaches to rehab until Christmas morning 2008, when my brother ran an intervention in our home because our son had stolen money from him the night before. He went into rehab to detox and start again on Christmas Day. I've been blogging ever since. Thank you for your thoughts and for sharing. I appreciate it.
I love the womens letter she wrote and glad you printed it. I'm really glad your at peace and you and your husband are being a couple again without the added pressures. I just hope your son finds that he wants to stop on his own without having the courts or jail or a tragedy make him stop. The odds are so much against him. You never hear of a younger man in his early twenties stopping and staying stopped. I'm 43 and just got two days clean on suboxone and relapsed today. I been trying every weekend to get cleaned and it is so hard. I needed this weeks check to pay for college books for my daughter. Last time I got cleaned for 2 weeks to get her a new laptop. Once I get caught up I go back to that shi%.Your son is hooked to the psychological part of getting high. Going to the spot to get it the same time everyday then getting home getting the stuff he needs to do it etc. He will get a possession charge eventually and don't bail him out. Let him cry that he will lose his job etc. Let the courts mandate a long term program for him. There are ones for indigent people he can go to. He needs a period of time away from the madness. Thanks for your blog.
A comment on a comment:
I know at least a couple of heroin addicts who got clean and sober in their early 20s and have stayed sober for 15 and 23 years. They are still active in NA/AA and attend meetings every week. It can happen, whenever a person is really ready.
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