Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My first pangs of missing my son

It is Wednesday night. Today is my son's weekly payday. This time, he won't be paying rent to us. Instead, he is on his own.

Tonight, I am longing for my son. I'm wondering-- is he being wise and setting aside 1/4 of his paycheck so he has rent for next month? Or, is he getting loaded?

While making dinner, and walking through the house, I feel the silence. My son's boisterous laugh...the noise of his television, playing in his former bedroom ... his incessant chatter. It's so quiet.

My son and I have not called each other since Sunday morning-- except for B's quick emergency call to deliver insulin (which I didn't have).

I am thinking of my son, whom I delighted so much in watching him sleep-- as a baby, and even as a grown young man. He looks so peaceful.

I pray that my son is resting, tonight, because his job starts early and it's physically demanding.

I pray, Lord, that my son is wanting sobriety. 

I miss my son. It hurts.  But, I have to let him grow up and I can only pray that he is making smart choices.

Tonight, I am missing him.  Is he thinking of me in a loving way?  Tonight, there are lots of parents who are feeling my pain.  I am thinking and praying for you.

Never lose hope.  God is in control.

4 comments:

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Oh Debby,
Its going to be a big adjustment for you. Glad you are writing about it.

I saw my son today...he was in "the cage" of the courtroom, in handcuffs, but SMILING a huge smile. We did sign language for "I love you" and he sent the baliff over to ask me if I'd come visit him tomorrow. Of course I said yes.

I've been sleeping in his bed for the last week. I started doing it cause he has a firmer mattress and my back needed it. But I have to admit, I like it in there. I feel close to him surrounded by his stuff.

Our boys will make it. I have faith in that.

Cheri said...

Debby,

You are not alone. I do not know your whole story, only this post I just read. But in June of 2006, my husband and I had to give our dear son an ultimatum: Get help or get out. He too was using oxycontin and marijuana, and who knows what else. We couldn't sit back and watch him destroy his life any longer.

We asked him to go to Teen Challenge, but whether or not he did, we told him he had to leave our home.

He did choose to go to TC, and there he found freedom from drug use. He is on staff for them now, and going to college. There is hope.

We also have an older son, same scenario. He chose not to go for help, but now, ten years later, he has grown up. He is married and has three children. He is in church.

Never give up! My husband and I started Glass House Ministries to reach out to other parents who are dealing with this heartache, and other heartaches.

When you have time, drop by the blog and check it out.

Meanwhile, know that we are praying for you and your son!
Cheri

Anonymous said...

Thinking and praying for you too.

MH

angelo212 said...

Your message showed me what I have put my parents through on a daily basis for years and years. I'm still not well and Mom still stresses about me. Did you know the country of Columbia lest you have drugs for your own use. A judge said Drug consumption "generates in a person problems of addiction and
slavery that turn one into a sick, compulsive individual deserving of
therapeutic medical treatment instead of a punishment.

Their ruling came in a case involving a man prosecuted for possession
of 1.3 grams (.04 ounces) of cocaine. The court overturned his
conviction and ordered him immediately released.

"In the exercise of his personal and private rights, the accused did
not harm others," so his conduct "cannot be the object of any
punishment," the Supreme Court found.