I truly hope that you were not offended by the comments that were posted in the last few days. I hope you know that I posted your comment because I felt it had value-- it was worth reading. Listening to addicts speak is something I rarely get to do. I want to understand you. For those of you who missed Ryan's follow-up comment, please scroll down to find it. Ryan, you have been through so much! I appreciate your candor, and I read the pain in what you write. I hope that you have/start a blog. I would love to continue hearing from you.
I received a private email from someone who said it's okay for me to share it. Here is her story"
My husband is a recovered addict his drug of choice was crack cocaine. For years I along with his mother and father tried to help him stop using. I controlled all of the money, hid the car keys, and watched him like a hawk. In the end if he wanted to use he would no matter what i or his parents did to help or stop him. Finally i was tired and afraid for myself and our children so i left. His addiction continued until he lost his home he than moved in with his parents claiming that he was done of course he wasn't. My husbands parents also were afraid and didn't see any change. In over a year they told him he had to go. Struggling with addiction on his own and no where to go brought him to his knees with his hands in the air surrendering there was only one person who would except him and it was a complete stranger that showed him the way but only if he wanted it under any and all conditions willing to do anything to stay clean.
See it's when we're stripped of everything with NO WHERE TO GO will we get help on our own. And our family and friends can't help us.
We find NA ON OUR OWN when we are brought to our knees not because a family member or probation officer told us to. We find it because in our hearts we are done and can't go another day in this life.
My husband will be seven years clean in February and are family is together and safe thanks to NA and helping other fellow addicts.
It's there if he wants it, but HE has to want it completely!
I am returning to work, after battling a cold so I don't have time to write much. Your comments mean the world to me. That is why I post some of them so that nobody misses them.
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6 comments:
I am not sure hat happened, but one comment post has been deleted! I sure hope that nobody has hacked into my website. Whomever left a comment, please try again. The only comments I delete are those that come from self-promoting drug companies or from someone who is vulgar-- thought I can handle some cursing. Hell, I do it once it a while!
you know, you hear so many stories, they are all the same addiction, but they are different.
for some like me and Ryan our parents help, actually helped us. well i guess i cannot really speak for Ryan but for my my mom was my enabler, until i needed to quit, then it helped me. I don't know why it works for me but it does. i wish and pray it works for others as well. those of use who do get it, get this
'we find that the program won't work when we try to adapt it to our lives. the program only works when we adapt our lives to the program.' basic text of narcotics anonymous, fifth edition page 55.
i have a lot of this book memorized. i am goofy that way.
I am not sure why my comment was deleted but I will try again. I agree with Clean & Crazy, I am a recovering addict (except for my food issues). I have been clean for 20 years and I have to say, without the assistance and support of my mother, I am not sure I would be clean right now. I was ready and she was there. My mom never made me leave the house, she had some boundaries but was my enabler. Until I was almost ready, then she stepped in and helped give me that extra push. I did the work, but by golly she was there for me. I think every addiction situation is so individually different but still similar. Each person has to guide their own ship to safety over time, in whatever that looks like for their family. I am happy Ryan has got on that boat to safety and sanity, and most importantly sobriety.
Sadly, there are no clear cut answers. There is no absolute yes, or no. There is no absolute solution. Each child is so different. I had hoped that my son would be like some of the success stories that I am reading about. This gives me hope. To moms like Barbara—I prayed for you, this morning. I understand why you want Keven to come home.
You people are amazing, with your insights. I think that, as parents, it’s okay to allow our addict to come home—at least once. After that, it’s case-by-case. I’m putting stronger mortar on my boundaries, so to speak. I can love my son, support my son but not necessarily in my home. He has desecrated the sanctity of it by bringing drugs into it.
We all long for the perfect formula for raising perfect kids, don't we? But as has been said, there isn't one. First, there are no perfect parents. Second, there are no perfect kids. Third, there are no perfect formulas.
We are each created with a unique blend of personality and environment, and then when you mix us in with all the other "unique blends" of folks out there, not one situation is exactly like another. We can, at best, share what has gone right for us, what has gone wrong, and hope that something we share is of value to someone else traveling in the deserts of life.
The only unchanging Source we can count on in this life is God. He alone knows our unique bent, for He created us.
Keeping us all before Him in prayer,
Cheri and Wayne
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