'Tis the Season for...?

I have been trying to find balance in my life. Right now the "to do" scale is heavier than the "Me time" side. I haven't even unpacked the Christmas ornaments or done any kind of decorating. I feel as though time is on fast forward, and my plate is too full.

I did't hear from my son for two days. When that happens, I can only assume that he's either "using" or -- on the hopeful side-- he's taking care of business on his own.

B got fired yesterday. My son sounded so upset, this morning. He kept saying how he busted his a** to do hard work, so his boss would be happy with him. As I told my son, it seemed as though his boss had already made a decision that he didn't like my son. The reasons could vary, but it was obvious to me that it wasn't "if" he'd get fired-- but "when". With a positive voice, I told my son that he has 30 days to figure out something (the next rent is due). He might have a new roommmate-- a friend he's known for a long time. Yes, he uses. No further comment from me. Supposedly "A" is not using, but I plead the 5th. It's none of my business.

Anyway, "A" has a car, so he's going to drive B around today. I told "B" to head straight to the unemployment office-- don't assume he can't collect. Just do the paperwork. Then, go apply for food stamps. My son's a tax payer, so this is what it's for. Go get his UA for his methadone treatment that should start tomorrow (more on that later). Last, go to that place his friend said has a job opening. Take advantage of not working by making finding a job his full-time job.

I tried to tell him to limit his goals each day, to be do-able. Stick to the three.

By the end of the phone conversation, I could hear my son's voice change to sound better.

I reminded my son that, should he lose his apartment, he can look into rehab or a one year program-- like Teen Challenge America or something similar. I also reminded him, that should he make that decision-- all it would take is one phone call to a dear friend of ours. If my son was sincere, the odds are good that this dear friend would get my son into a free one year program. But, my son has to want it enough and to convince our friend-- but, now for today....

I was reading Alex's blog "Trapped in Addiction". I find his writing to be intriguing, as I read the "other side" of how addicts must feel. Sometimes, I realize that I can easily fall into lecturing my son-- out of worry and love.  . My life is so blessed-- I have a lovely home, a warm bed, plenty of food to eat (I even blog and photograph it all). I have health insurance, an emergency savings account... I can see the answers before me.

I have to remind myself that my son's life is so unmanageable, that he is feeling overwhelmed. Alex has helped me to see how my "lectures" can overwhelm my son.

I think my son is trying-- but, it still breaks my heart that I can see the fear he has from the financial devastation that drugs have done to him.

I received an anonymous comment, this morning, from "Ryan". Yes, Ryan, I agree with you. For the record-- I am not supportive of my son's decision to use methadone. I say that, because I agree with Ron (Dad & Mom) that sobriety is hard work. It is my urgent prayer that my son will get through detox and find the path to sobriety, without the use of suboxone nor methadone.

Theres def some good input on here but Id like to add a few things.. With suboxone an addict must stop dosing for at least 2 or 3 days if he even wants a chance at getting high as its half life is about 37.5 hours. Even then it is still hard to get as high as you normal would unless you dose a lot heavier than normal which can be deadly. Hence this makes it more difficult for the addict to use as the relapse must be pre-meditated.


I dont have personal experience with methadone but from what I have read an addict can still get high during maitnence. Pretty much all they have to do is skip a dose or take their dose first thing in the morning so they can use later that evening. Granted it still binds to your opiate receptors, all you need to do is dose a little bigger than usual to get the desirable effects. A lot of addicts prefer this drug because they can easily binge and then go right back on the methadone without feeling much of anything.

An ideal setting would be for the addict to cold turkey with comforting meds to ease the hell of withdrawal and help keep the addict somewhat sane. All Methadone and Suboxone does is fill the void for the addicts opiate of choice which does not allow the brain to heal. It is basically like a cancer patient in remission. To truly beat this beast you must eliminate all opiates/opiods and allow your brain to recover. Yes it is extremely tough as I know from first hand experience but it can be done
Ryan

As I see it-- my son doesn't love himself enough. That's why he doesn't take care of his diabetes. That's why he smokes, even though it's terrible for his diabetes (and overall health). I shudder to think the damage he has already done to his brain-- that brilliant mind of his, that can't cope with life.

I'm so filled with love and compassion for my son. I don't need to hear the usual "don't enable" him, today. Please. I get it! I'm blogging this to help others who are in my state of mind, and to let my family know how my son is doing.

He's struggling. I pray that my son will find that path to sobriety where he can be free of any kind of pills-- and that he will use his story to help others.