Thursday, May 1, 2008

Fly away...

Today, is my son's first day of being discharged from his treatment center. He completed 30 days of being clean and sober. It's his first milestone, and one that is celebrated by so many people who love and support him.

God's blessings continue to pour down on my son. He has been accepted into a Sober Living Environment (SLE) just a hop, skip and away from his treatment center. Until a week ago, I didn't even know what an SLE was (that goes to show you how uneducated I am about addiction). Now that I understand what they are, I feel a sense of comfort that B will be making a transition from being an in-patient, to an out-patient...and how he is going to learn how to make a gradual transition back into the world. Tomorrow (Friday) he will visit this home and make arrangements to physically move in. He will be able to attend ongoing meetings at his treatment center as an "alumni". These are evening meetings, that are at no cost.

It has been over thirty years, since I flew from my childhood nest. I can still remember how exciting it was for me to move into my cute little apartment that cost $150.00 a month to rent. It had a small kitchen, claw-foot tub with shower, tiny dining room and a small living area/sleeping area overlooking a beautiful view of the ocean. I shared that apartment with my brother and a girlfriend. Today, a place like that would cost at least $1000.00 a month. That's a lot of money-- far beyond what a young person could afford, even with today's wages. So, I am happy to hear that the SLE that B will be living at will cost $450.00 a month, plus a small fee for cable. This is affordable!

Last night, B excitedly said that he needed to buy new bedding and some things for cooking. I'm so conditioned to thinking that there are boxes of these things in my attic...things I've saved for the day that B would finally move into a place of his own. But, after sleeping on it, I realized that it would mean a lot to him if he could buy a few new things to make his room feel like it's "his".

This morning, I called B to tell him that he'll be given a budget to shop for things to decorate his place. He sounds excited, and I feel I've made the right decision. I reminded him that he needs to pay for this from his trust account, and he readily agrees. So, my BFF will receive the money and she will take him shopping. Yes, I still have to take measures to make sure that B doesn't get his hands on big sums of money. I wish I didn't have to think like that, but it's how things will need to be for a while.

I want to keep a positive and open mind that B is on the way to starting a new chapter in his life. He has lived the last two years in denial of his problem...unwilling to admit his addiction to me. He was a little more candid with his father, but he still didnt' tell all of the truth. He's admitted that he told his father just enough information so that he'd get sums of money to buy the drugs he needed. He admits that he has pawned things, manipulated and lied to get money to feed his drug addiction. I tried to be careful not to fall for his manipulation, but I did anyway. B has admitted to me the different ways he's deceived me into believing that he needed money to play golf-- his passion. At least, B did not resort to stealing things.

But, that is in the past, now.

I am excited that my son is moving into a place where he will be completely on his own-- away from the protective and watchful eyes of his parents. He will need to learn how to shop for food, budget his gas and to deal with life's unexpected emergencies.

My son is now flying away to learn how to be a man...

I have a mix of emotions as I am writing this. I am happy for him. I wish for him to only need to focus his life on finding a job, continuing on with his college education-- and enjoying life drug-free. I miss him, knowing that he might not have a cellphone to call and check in with me as often as he did. He seems happy and has fallen in-love with life in the big city.

I really have to let go, now, and let my bird fly and soar. He knows where the home nest is. I'll be waiting, to cook him his favorite dinner and to savor his visits.

Thanks be to God for all the positive roads that lay ahead,


1 comment: said...

This part can be scary, but you're right, it's time to let least as much as you can. My son has been in sober living for a month and is doing great. I'll continue to pray your son's permanent recovery, as well as my son's and both their mother's.

God Bless
Jane (Jeffrey's Mom)