Tuesday, October 13, 2009

God is in the House-- my son's continuing drama

It amazes me how fast time flies, once you hit the 50-plus milestone in your years of living.  Last week, I began to post a series on my son's life-- and now, it's been almost a week since I've blogged here.  I've set aside comments from readers that I want to personally respond to, and I hope that I can get to them this week. My husband and I are on vacation, this week.  My school closes for one week for Fall and Spring Break, and for two weeks for Winter Break.  It's hard to believe that it was one year ago that C and I were enjoying a long-overdue honeymoon in Kauai.  That's when I blogged about my dream that my son was using again.One year ago, my son was in the tailspin of a relapse that would result in his second stay at his Treatment Center, in Northern California. That part of the story will be detailed in Part III of my son's life-- to come.

But, for this weekend, my son's drama hit another wall. B is still working at the golf course. He's working seven days a week, for a total of 56 hours a week. He is not being paid overtime, and receives no benefits. Woman of integrity that I strive to be, I know this is illegal.  It makes me mad that companies take advantage of young people who desperately need a job. I advised my son to hang on to every single pay stub. I told him that once he quits that job (or gets fired, which seems to be his lot in life) that he can go to the labor board and file a claim.  I feel that my son should not be taken advantage of, like this, but I also think companies like this should not get away with it. In the meantime, B will earn enough money, if he stays clean, to pay rent and afford the bare essentials of life. At least B is working so much, that he can't find time to use. End of soap box on that topic.

B's new hours mean that he needs to be at work at 6:30am-10:30am. He has a split shift, where he returns to work at 3:00pm and leaves at 7pm.  B asked if I could give him a ride to work 2 out of the 5 days, because his car still isn't fixed. Reluctantly, I agreed to do it. In the end, this gave me 15 minutes in the car with him to talk.

As I feared, his roommate situation is not a good one. "M" is a dark soul.  His father is an ex-con and an alcoholic. While "M" was living out-of-state with his father, B told me some terrible stories about M's life. Essentially, M and his father would drink every day and steal tools to pay for their lifestyle. Me, being someone who is shocked at that kind of lifestyle blurted out "then, why did you pick him as a roommate?!"
As soon as I asked that question, I already knew it was a stupid question. B's time was running out to find a place because he could no longer live with us. "M" got kicked out of his mom's house and the two found each other.

The Drama:

So, the drama begins on Saturday night. At 11:45pm the phone rang, and we were sound asleep. Already, most of you know how foreboding those kinds of calls are... it was B, asking me if I he could spend the night at my house. He said that M was so drunk, he was smashing the walls, vomiting in the apartment and threatening to "f--k" up my son.  I had flashbacks to his former roommate, when B lived in Benicia.  If you want to read about that drama (which is familiar with this current one, click here).  I decided to go and get him, since he's 10 minute's drive away.  I don't think C was thrilled that I got dressed and went to rescue him. It's what mother's do! B was waiting for me, in his PJ's and a bag of laundry (which I told him to bring).

B was shaken and upset.  I listened to his story and I felt so sad for my son. B said "what is wrong with me?"  Addiction and your addict friends, is what I said... I gave B the 10 second rules-- no drugs? Check. No smoking cigarettes in the house. Check. No going in and out of the house, during the night. Check. Be quiet as a mouse. Check.

I slept, sporadically, checking in on my son. He sleeps like the dead-- mouth open, snoring and very hard to wake up. I woke him up to change his laundry and returned to bed.

At 5:30am-- my first day of vacation, and waiting to sleep in-- I woke him up and drove him to work.

B said something to me that I wanted to share-- he said he slept really well in my home because it felt like a Christian home. He said he could feel that God was in the house.  I like that.

B says he's clean, now, almost three weeks. All I can do is hope he is being honest with himself.

Joshua 24:15 (New International Version)

15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

I offered to pick B up at 10:30am so he could come back, finish his laundry and nap.  We stopped at his apartment, so B could get more laundry. He showed me his bloody pillows and bedding, where M had smashed his head and passed out on it. Nice....   B said that M had called, earlier that morning, crying and saying that had no recollection of what happened.  B also tells me that M is a thief (no kidding) and he thinks that's who stole his wallet with $300.00 in it-- a few months ago. He said that M took 10 of his subs and sold them!  All I can do is listen, grit my teeth and pray silently for M. 

One year ago, B's former alcoholic roommate ended up throwing my son out of their apartment. A shot himself in the head, probably a few days later, and his body was found weeks later. 
This is the craziness of my son's life.  I try not to worry and obsess about it. My son and I had some good talks, yesterday. He said that he feels our relationship has come a long way in one year. He says he feels he tell me anything-- and he tells me everything-- because I don't lecture him or freak out. I do, but inside.

I picked B up from work, last night, with his clean bedding and laundry.  He said that he missed me, and living in our home. He hugged me and gave me a kiss on his cheek. I told him that the rest of this week that I would not be available to be his chauffeur.  B is supposed to tow his car, today, to the repair shop.

At 4am, a storm hit us-- strong winds and rain. I silently prayed that my son found a ride to work. Otherwise, he'd have to walk our miles in this weather. For a moment, I wanted to get up and go get him. Then, I gave it to God... my son must learn to find his own way. I bought my son a water-proof raincoat as an early birthday gift, yesterday. At least he has something to wear, I thought...and I drifted back to sleep.

Thank you, all of you who say you admire my courage and my strength.  I have highlighted this Psalm in my bible, because it explains where my strength comes from:

Psalm 18 (New King James Version)

1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
 2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
       my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
       He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
 3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
       and I am saved from my enemies.

31 For who is God, except the LORD?
         And who is a rock, except our God?
 32 It is God who arms me with strength,
         And makes my way perfect.
 33 He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
         And sets me on my high places.
 34 He teaches my hands to make war,
         So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 


Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story said...

OK, not I'm totally annoyed. If I get one more comment from some online Rx company, leaving random and useless comments, YOU are toast! I just deleted two random comments and I should have checked you out first.
Please, don't even think of leaving comments to link to your online website to buy drugs. You are self-promoting, inconsiderate folks who will not use MY blog to promote the profit of selling drugs.

Mario Anima said...

Hi Debbie,

Sorry to hear you've been targetted by spam posters seeking to sell Rx drugs online.

Full disclosure, I work for Current TV (specifically Current.com) and I happened upon your blog while prepping for the premiere of our next season of a series on our station called Vanguard.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with Vanguard, but I thought you might be interested in it: http://current.com/vanguard-journalism/

We are premiering season 3 of Vanguard on Wednesday, October 14 10/9c on Current TV. The premiere episode is titled "The OxyContin Express" and in it our Vanguard correspondent Mariana Van Zeller travels to Florida to investigate pain pill centers, discuss addiction with families that have been impacted by this rising trend, and get details from Sheriffs and Law Enforcement agents working in this environment.

As a bonus, Mariana is going to be answering questions submitted by just about anyone interested in the subject, Vanguard, or journalism in general. You can find more info here: http://blogs.current.com/currentdotcom/2009/10/13/vanguards-mariana-van-zeller-interviewed-by-you/

I hope you'll find this interesting, and feel free to let me know what you think.

Thanks for posting about Oxy addiction, and let me know if you have any questions!


Prayer Girl said...

I deal with that kind of problem by moderating my comments. I see one like you describe and I just DELETE, DELETE - I just don't publish them and they are never in my mind again.

Addiction is a horrific disease. I just keep praying and working on myself in Al-Anon.

God bless and prayers,

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I am sorry that you are getting spammed! I guess the spammers pick up on the "O" word in your title. Grrr. so maddening.

I am sorry for all that B has had to endure with his roomates, that must be so hard to hear about :( I love the closeness you share with him and hope that my son and I can be like that again someday.

Keep doing what you're doing, which is ALL the RIGHT THINGS!

LisaC said...

I read your blog and I continue to be amazed not only by your strength but by your ability to consistently turn your heart and soul over to God. I know I have to do that with my son and his situation but it is a struggle for me to let go.

It does seem to me that your son is actively working his recovery; and yes it is hard for him to work and for you to watch. But he seems to be doing it. His desire to get out of his apartment to lessen his risk is excellent.

You are a role model for me. I am so glad that I found your blog when I did. Thank you and continue to be strong.

Cheri said...

Oh, Debby... you and B (and C too) are in our prayers! Hang on. God is with you. I know you know that, but sometimes we need to hear it again! Your son knows it too; he told you! Just hang on. God loves B even more than you do, and He will make a way where there seems no way. It's good that B sees the difference in his own home and yours. He's coming to the end of himself. I pray he gets there soon and is ready to reach out and grab God and never let go! Just keep praying and hanging on. Don't let go the hem of His garment!

As to the inconsiderate Rx companies ~ I saw the comment posted not so long ago and was angry on your behalf. I cannot believe they are so insensitive as to believe that they will get business from scamming on your family's pain.

You are in our hearts and prayers,
Cheri and Wayne

Athena said...

Wow - that would make me pretty angry too. You have the word verification for comments on... Spam is right - hopefully you put a stop to it now.

I'm sorry for how hard it is watching your son deal with his consequences. Bloody pillows! It is hard, hard, hard, I know


Anonymous said...

His roommate sounds like a real winner. No wonder he wanted out. I wish he had somewhere else to go, but that is his responsibility to find- not yours.

I hate that companies take advantage of their employees like that.


Angelo said...

You seem to be doing everything right. I don't thing it is enabling to help your son by letting him stay there because of the problem with M and driving him to work. Addicts in recovery need help and I'm glad you can see the difference of helping your son and enabling him. If he continues to live with M I'm afraid the next time (and there will be a next time) the outcome may be harmful. I wish there was another option then staying at M's place. Someone trying to stay sober does not need M's problems in his life.