Tuesday, April 15, 2008

An open letter to my precious boy

Dear Son,

I don't know if you are thinking of me, today. I want you to know that you are constantly in my thoughts and my prayers. Today, I have spoken with two people who truly care about you. One, in particular, has spoken with you a few times today. My heart is filled with joy and hope that you will accept the help that have to offer to you.

It is very hard for me to resist the urge to call you. I need to let you find your own way down the path that you believe will help your recovery. I am praying, constantly, that you will feel the presence of God prompting you to seek His perfect will. I am reminded at how often we do forget to come before God, first, and to pray for His perfect wisdom.

Sometimes we only come to God when all else has failed-- God is a patient and loving God. But sometime, God allows us to stumble enough times until we look UP, at Him. I know, because God had to bring me down to my knees eleven years ago-- when your father walked out on our marriage that had been slowly dying. That chapter in my life humbled me and I had to take my own personal inventory. I had to confess to God all that I had to done to hurt your father, and other people. God got my attention, and my life has been changed for the better.

I am praying that the terrible state that you were in, just over two weeks ago, was the Lord's way of bringing you down to your knees. Do you remember that? Do you remember how we both prayed together, and how we both cried?

I give all the glory to God, because so many miracles have happened since March 31, 2008. I was led from one person to another.... from one phone call to another. Within two hours, my son, I had found a place that would accept you and our insurance. I was led to the counselor that you really connected with! You said "yes" to checking in to a detox center, Praise God!

So far, son, only good things have been coming together for you. Your treatment center has wonderful counselors. I can tell that you are liked by the other clients and the staff. You seem to be thinking clearer.

But, son, you are still in danger. It is so important that you remain into a recovery center for at least 3 months. I am aware of four places where you can be accepted, at no cost! One place is willing to accept you for FREE!

I have heard your own ideas on how you believe you can help your own recovery. I will be honest with you-- I'm not sure that this is the right direction for you to go.

I cannot say anything to you, son. I have to let you figure this out, for yourself.

My precious son-- I wonder if you can remember some of the lies you've told to me. Your mind is not clear, because I don't think you fully know how much money you have cost your father and me.

I am praying that you are really working the 12-steps. Because, if you do, then you will begin to take your personal inventory.

One last thought, for today, that I have of you-- my love for you is so deep, that I need to be strong. I hurts me to say to you that I don't trust you right now. Many times, you have been upset with me that I question how truthful you are being to me.

This is all part of addiction, my son. I love you, but right now I don't trust your addiction. Your disease is lying to you. Sometimes I think you don't even realize that.

I pray that you will begin to be honest with God. Start with Him, my son. I pray that you will confess to him all that you have done to hurt him.

You will find healing in that. The bible promises us that when we confess our sins, with a repentant heart-- we are forgiven. Our slate is wiped clean...God will remember them no more.

God will remember them no more...

As for me, son-- God has given me a merciful heart. I will not hold your past against you, my son. Just as God is merciful, so must I be.

I love you.


1 John 1:8-10 (Amplified Bible)

9If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action].

1 comment:

andrew's mom said...

I just discovered your site today.
You express your thoughts so well.
Did you say you knew of treatment centers that were free of charge?
Please let me know